Huge difference between male and female dumpers

[No_hope]

I would like to hear your thoughts on this.

 

I have been both the dumper and the dumpee.

 

I have broken up with 3 people, but the thing is it took me MONTHS and even break up with them, when ever I broke up with someone, that is because I completely checked up of a relationship.

 

I have been the dumpee in... well I really don't know how many, but 2 LTR and a few STR. But when ever the guy broke up with me they always seemed to have returned.

Example- the first time I was dumped a year later he came back and was begging me to take him back and said how much he misses me, and it was a huge mistake, and he tried for months for me to take him back (I was in another relationship) and then a couple months ago we got in contact again after 5 years, we catch up with each other and told each other what we have been doing. After a couple days of talking he said "you know... breaking up with you was the biggest mistake I have ever did in my life, I regret it so much" I still did not take him back though.

 

another relationship I was dumped after 2 years, 2 years later he told mutual friends of ours how much he misses me, and he wants to get back together. But I don't want to go back to him.

 

another relationship he broke up with me after 6 months, and then we "kind of" got back together for another 3 months, but I had to cut him off.

 

Is there really a huge difference between male and female dumpers? I rarely ever see a girl say "I made a mistake!" it's usually the male dumpers.

 

thoughts?

[poorguy]

I don't really think it's a male/female thing-I really don't. I think the one who was truly the one who screwed up the relationship is the one who wants to typically come back. Doesn't matter who dumped who with this theory....I wouldn't go so far as to call it a theory, it's happened to me 2 of of 3 LTRS. I'm not saying I was perfect but I didn't do the things these girls did to screw anything up that badly. For whatever reason I have always been the dumper and I'm a guy. As for my 3rd ex-Time will tell if history repeats itself and everyone knows the 3rd time is a charm!!

[0hpenelope]

It's probably got something to do with how you conducted yourself post-break up, too. Not to say that every single dumpee that has gotten back together with an ex or had an ex contact them for a possible reconciliation has never acted desperate or pathetic or being a beggar for one more chance. It's just that acting like that in front of the ex usually serves as a turn-off.

 

With that being said, would you mind sharing your experiences as a dumpee, No_hope? Why do you think your exes came back to you, eventually? How did you behave after those guys dumped you?

[No_hope]

 

With that being said, would you mind sharing your experiences as a dumpee, No_hope? Why do you think your exes came back to you, eventually? How did you behave after those guys dumped you?

 

 

Honestly? the first time I was dumped he kept going "we are JUST friends okay?" and I was like "noo!" and I ran into a public bathroom and started crying (he herd about it) but after that I just didn't talk to him, we went to school together so when ever I saw him I just didn't look at him (this is the one who begged me to take him back a year later)

 

the 2 year relationship who said he missed and wanted to get back together, he broke up with me over e-mail and I said "alright" and did not talk to him.

 

and the one who "kind of" got back together, I stayed my cool, I went to his house all the time (I was best friends with his sister- it was kinda hard) so we kinda dated again for 3 months, but he did not want to get back together, he was just messing with me, so one day he came and gave me a kiss I said "sorry... I can't do this anymore" which actually almost a year later he wanted to start things back up but I was in another relationship.

[Google1000]

Girls around my age (21) are just completely stupid in my opinion and too immature to actually commit to a relationship. My ex broke off our relationship after 5 years together due to an extreme case of the GIGS syndrome. Basically she made a few new friends and completely ditched me to go out with them all the time. We had NOTHING wrong in our relationship and had awesome chemistry, and she just completely threw it all away for something that is only temporary. She broke up with me 6 months ago, but has had no relationships since then, nor has she even had any flings with any guys. When she broke up with me, she flat out told me that she just wanted to be single and be free and literally just tossed our 5-year relationship out the window and blindsided me. She has shown NO signs of even thinking about considering reconciliation since then, but to be honest, I'm so angry at her that I will probably knock her out cold if I even lay my eyes on her again. But it's her loss. She gave up the best guy she will ever have.

 

But to give my opinion:

 

When girls end relationships that aren't broken, they often do so because they drift apart from their boyfriend due to GIGS syndrome. The relationship becomes slightly monotonous, and immature girls will just completely ditch the relationship and never look back, without even giving the guy any warning. They don't realize that the relationship will be much more rewarding in the long run. Why? Because girls are stupid. They don't come back because it's the GIGS syndrome, and thus they have found a temporary life outside of the relationship that will help them get over the guy. Nice guys like me get completely screwed over because of stuff like this.

 

Guys, however, end relationships that aren't broken because they simply GET BORED. Guys that do this do so because they want to hook up with other girls. So they break up the relationship, hook up with more girls, and then get bored of that. After that, they often realize how stupid they were for ending a LTR and come back to the girl.

 

These may be sweeping generalizations, but they are often very true for relationships that end between two completely compatible partners. Girls will leave because of GIGS, which is a much longer term solution for their pain. Guys will leave because they wanna go out and hook up with more girls that they don't really care about, but often that won't last long at all and they will be lonely in no time.

 

No matter the reason, it's all just immaturity. Before you ever break up a long term relationship, please ask yourself these questions:

 

1. Have I even tried to sit down with my partner to have a serious talk about our relationship and where it is headed?

 

2. Have we done EVERYTHING we can to avoid a breakup? A breakup of a LTR should be the ABSOLUTE LAST RESORT!

 

3. Am I only considering a breakup because I have the GIGS syndrome and have become slightly bored with the relationship?

 

 

I can guarantee you that commitment would mean so much more nowadays if people would just take a step back and ask themselves these questions before making a stupid decision.

 

And I'm not trying to attack you by saying this because I have no idea about the circumstances of your breakups, but I simply loathe girls/guys that "check out" of good and healthy relationships. In my opinion it is one of the worst things you can do to a person. That is exactly what my ex did. One day OUT OF NOWHERE it seemed like she didn't like me as much, and then for two months after that she never wanted to do anything with me or be around me. She simply just "checked out" one day after 5 happy years and broke up with me a couple months later. It's complete emotional torture to watch someone that you love so much just completely turn on you without any warning at all, and then eventually end the relationship without even sitting down to talk and try to save the relationship. In my opinion, being a person that "checks out" of a healthy relationship is a serious character flaw that will prevent one from ever having a healthy and lasting relationship. Not only that, but people who do that DO NOT DESERVE to be in a good relationship because they only care about themselves and what is making them happy at that moment. I'm not saying that any of this pertains to you, but if it does, I would urge you to think about it.

 

Sorry about my rant. I had to get that off my chest. It just seems like I'm the only 21 year old person on this planet that will actually commit to their partner. I see so many good relationships end for the wrong reasons and it just makes me lose all faith that I will ever find someone that will commit to me like I do to them. As soon as it gets a little boring and monotonous, someone ALWAYS checks out of the relationship.

Edited March 19, 2011 by Google1000

[No_hope]

 

No matter the reason, it's all just immaturity. Before you ever break up a long term relationship, please ask yourself these questions:

 

1. Have I even tried to sit down with my partner to have a serious talk about our relationship and where it is headed?

 

2. Have we done EVERYTHING we can to avoid a breakup? A breakup of a LTR should be the ABSOLUTE LAST RESORT!

 

3. Am I only considering a breakup because I have the GIGS syndrome and have become slightly bored with the relationship?

 

 

I can guarantee you that commitment would mean so much more nowadays if people would just take a step back and ask themselves these questions before making a stupid decision.

 

And I'm not trying to attack you by saying this because I have no idea about the circumstances of your breakups, but I simply loathe girls/guys that "check out" of good and healthy relationships. In my opinion it is one of the worst things you can do to a person. That is exactly what my ex did. One day OUT OF NOWHERE it seemed like she didn't like me as much, and then for two months after that she never wanted to do anything with me or be around me. She simply just "checked out" one day after 5 happy years and broke up with me a couple months later. It's complete emotional torture to watch someone that you love so much just completely turn on you without any warning at all, and then eventually end the relationship without even sitting down to talk and try to save the relationship. In my opinion, being a person that "checks out" of a healthy relationship is a serious character flaw that will prevent one from ever having a healthy and lasting relationship. Not only that, but people who do that DO NOT DESERVE to be in a good relationship because they only care about themselves and what is making them happy at that moment. I'm not saying that any of this pertains to you, but if it does, I would urge you to think about it.

 

Sorry about my rant. I had to get that off my chest. It just seems like I'm the only 21 year old person on this planet that will actually commit to their partner. I see so many good relationships end for the wrong reasons and it just makes me lose all faith that I will ever find someone that will commit to me like I do to them. As soon as it gets a little boring and monotonous, someone ALWAYS checks out of the relationship.

 

 

Oh no it's all good, rant away! I broke up with guy number 1 because he was more like a friend, we really did not have ANY romance between us, we really just hung out as friends, we only dated for a few months, and he was going off to college soon, I thought I would give him the freedom to date girls there (which he did!) he also found the love of his life, and they got married. I am really happy for him, this was 4 almost 5 years ago and we are still friends and talk all the time.

 

second guy I broke up with cheated on me, I really did not want to break up with him, but after month I couldn't get over it so I ended it.

 

third guy he was "in love" with someone else, and I felt like I was second best against him, so I ended it.

 

I have had 2 LTR who just left me, my last one (2 months ago if you read my threads) left me for another girl 6 weeks before our wedding. People like that are just so cold. And my relationship was like yours. We had NOTHING wrong in our relationship, but he wanted to go and have sex with other girls and go party, but me? I am a boring mother who has to take on responsibility and is getting my career started. I also have self motivation and want to go traveling around the world. But him? he has no drive at all and just wants to sit on his butt and get everything handed to him. I guess he kinda did me a favor - as to not holding me back. Still hurts really bad, but I mean what can I do? day 10 of NC.

[Chadd]

@ Google1000 - Thats how my last relationship ending, she got a new job and this older guy (7-8 years older) basically caught her eye and she stopped talking to me. She can't een answer my question when I asked her if she was with someone new. Its kinda a bummer. :/

[sally4sara]

when ever I broke up with someone, that is because I completely checked up of a relationship.

 

I rarely ever see a girl say "I made a mistake!" it's usually the male dumpers.

 

thoughts?

 

It is easy to guess this when you are not prone to doing it yourself and you are female. You are the measuring stick for the comparison. It won't give you an accurate idea of what other people experience and any gender tendencies.

 

I also didn't do the getting back together thing and I am female, but from talking to guy friends - girl's do this stuff pretty often too from threatening a break up to get their way on something all the way to the more extreme of breaking up, meeting someone new and STILL messing with the ex. **** people are well, ****ty.

[Darren Taylor]

From what I've seen, female dumpers will not want to get back with their ex. However, what they will do is keep in contact with him as a guilt trip, to try to remain friends, or to basically torture him. Male dumpers often regret doing it and will want to get back with their ex. I also feel that GIGS applies more to females than males. That is because males are the logical thinkers and generally know that it won't work out. There's exceptions of course. Females on the other hand, get caught up in the emotionally high. They may eventually regret it, but too late.

[Call Me Al]

Overall, stating a lot of these male vs female comparisons is pretty generalized and I feel can be a little counterproductive. If we are to use posters on this board as a baseline for comparison, we are dealing with maybe .000000000000000001% of the dating population.

 

If a girl comes here after she was dumped, she might cling to false hope that the guy is going to come back to her and beg for her back. I'm not referring to your specific post, either. It does seem to carry a commonplace theme on this board...but again, its on this board.

 

Some people find themselves in situations where they are unsure of EVERYTHING in their life, and the relationship they are in is one factor they can change...so they give that a shot.

 

If you get dumped, learn to accept it and let go regardless of your sex.

[EmperorR]

It's simple females usually decided months in advance have a guy on their radar already, talked to their females support system and then dumped the guy.

 

 

 

For male dumpers they usually make a rash decision, and have no support system so when they dump a female, and can't get attention so quickly they get lonely and then contact their ex.

 

The point is in both instances they barely work out anyways, but there is always the odd exception.

 

My ex fiance found a guy 2 weeks afte rshe cheated and dumped me 3 years later they are still together.

 

THe girl I dated next, dumped me 6 months later she sends me a fb how im in her dreasm every night and she misses me so much, i just deleted and went on with my life.

 

The next girl I dated dumped me a year ago for her baby's father, they broke up and if I really wanted I could have got her back but I don';t trust her.

 

so again it all depends, on how you treat the person and what you do after the break up etc., if your a great person a nice girl a guy wil always want to get back with you. Trust me I dumped a nice girl years ago and I sitll kick myself to this day after all the hardships i've had in relationships, thats my biggest mistake ever

 

 

If you want to generalize even more, I think more females take back cheaters than males do.

Edited March 22, 2011 by EmperorR

[Call Me Al]

so again it all depends

 

Indeed it does.

[Jdw_Icequeen]

It's simple females usually decided months in advance have a guy on their radar already, talked to their females support system and then dumped the guy.

 

 

 

For male dumpers they usually make a rash decision, and have no support system so when they dump a female, and can't get attention so quickly they get lonely and then contact their ex.

 

The point is in both instances they barely work out anyways, but there is always the odd exception.

 

My ex fiance found a guy 2 weeks afte rshe cheated and dumped me 3 years later they are still together.

 

THe girl I dated next, dumped me 6 months later she sends me a fb how im in her dreasm every night and she misses me so much, i just deleted and went on with my life.

 

The next girl I dated dumped me a year ago for her baby's father, they broke up and if I really wanted I could have got her back but I don';t trust her.

 

so again it all depends, on how you treat the person and what you do after the break up etc., if your a great person a nice girl a guy wil always want to get back with you. Trust me I dumped a nice girl years ago and I sitll kick myself to this day after all the hardships i've had in relationships, thats my biggest mistake ever

 

 

If you want to generalize even more, I think more females take back cheaters than males do.

 

 

HAHA! Thats what my ex bf did.. Had a support system even took one of my best friends lol.. Was talking to some chick aswell that he insists is only a friend and was helping him with relationship advice. Said he had been unhappy for a few months.. Guess he is gone for good ehh!

 

My experience other then this one though, I left the first guy I was with it took alot to do it and we were together a very long time. But once I decided to leave I didn't come back. He has been pestering me for the last 5 yrs on and off to get back together.. Then the second guy left, cheated a few times I forgave him. Then left for another women. I pleaded begged

was a wreck for a long time. Then when I finally got over him met someone new and told him to get the hell out of my life which I had been doing regularly as he ALWAYS broke nc. He begged me not to divorce him apologized over and over again. He honestly sounded genuine in the apology said how much he missed me still loved me said he would always love me. but it was too late so I divorced him.

 

But I had gotten to the point of no return so I was done with it. Moral of the story once I finally get to the point of making up my mind I have always stuck with it. In certain conditions I suppose reconciliation is very possible but the right circumstance would have to present themselves, which I never see happening.

Edited March 22, 2011 by Jdw_Icequeen

[JasonRules]

I don't think we can say one way or another. One ex girlfriend came back to me and we had a reconciliation 1 month after we had broken up. My ex-wife came back to me 6 months after we had separated (no kids involved). My first girlfriend came back to me 3 weeks after she got involved with another guy. Another girlfriend wanted to get back together 3.5 years after she had broken up with me and even told me in my face "I do not love you anymore".

 

So all in all, all of my long term relationships ended up coming back even though they were females and in all cases except my ex-wife they initiated the breakup, so we cannot say with certainty that once a female makes up her mind it's over.

 

My girlfriend recently split up with me as well and there is no doubt in my mind she will be back too. They always come back.

[CaliGuy]

Is there really a huge difference between male and female dumpers? I rarely ever see a girl say "I made a mistake!" it's usually the male dumpers.

 

thoughts?

 

Yes, there is a huge difference. It's simply because of this:

 

1. Men break up based on their own, personal feelings. They do not have/use a support group (family/friends) that they run their thoughts and feelings through. They do not THINK it out thoroughly.

 

2. Women break up based after careful thought, consideration and discussing with friends and family. They normally almost never break up with someone without having spent a lot of time discussion and weighing the pros and cons.

 

This is why men sometimes (and often do) come back whereas when a woman dumps a man, she's gone, for good. Men break up almost immediately but women start distancing themselves from the relationship before it's truly over.

 

There is no scientific need to review it, it's just factual as I have experienced this before. Having been the one to end a relationship and the one who has been broken up with. Having experienced this in my personal life and seeing years worth of LS posts, all you have to do is research it on your own and you'll see why there is much greater chance of a male dumper coming back than a female one.

Edited March 24, 2011 by CaliGuy

[EmperorR]

Also i'd like to add what I read somewhere

 

- Women are able to convince themselves a breakup is the right thing more so than men

- Enjoying attention form new male suitors (but not finding a better one)

- Used to being pursued by the male dumpee

- Stubborn to reconnect with feelings that come out over time.

 

 

As a male you can breakup with a female and get lonely easily, not saying a female will, but any female avg looking can go to the mall to a club and the male attention boost her ego.

 

I'm not a ugly person,m but I can count two instances in my life a woman has hit on me, my ex used to get hit on daily.

[CaliGuy]

Also i'd like to add what I read somewhere

 

- Women are able to convince themselves a breakup is the right thing more so than men

- Enjoying attention form new male suitors (but not finding a better one)

- Used to being pursued by the male dumpee

- Stubborn to reconnect with feelings that come out over time.

 

 

As a male you can breakup with a female and get lonely easily, not saying a female will, but any female avg looking can go to the mall to a club and the male attention boost her ego.

 

I'm not a ugly person,m but I can count two instances in my life a woman has hit on me, my ex used to get hit on daily.

 

Pretty much. Women with options rank much higher than men. The men that DO have a lot of options are not marriage/dating material (well, 99.9% of them. There are a few very rare cases).

 

I'm not unattractive by any means but I think it's more or less a combination of how you handle yourself and your personality that breaks down walls more often than not.

[Eddie Edirol]

But to give my opinion:

 

When girls end relationships that aren't broken, they often do so because they drift apart from their boyfriend due to GIGS syndrome. The relationship becomes slightly monotonous, and immature girls will just completely ditch the relationship and never look back, without even giving the guy any warning. They don't realize that the relationship will be much more rewarding in the long run. Why? Because girls are stupid. They don't come back because it's the GIGS syndrome, and thus they have found a temporary life outside of the relationship that will help them get over the guy. Nice guys like me get completely screwed over because of stuff like this.

 

Google1000, I think 2 scenarios could have been the cause of your situation. Your girl was with you for 5 years, but during her learning years. people change drastically when they get to their 20's. Their tastes change, their standards change, and thier beliefs change as they learn from the people they date. Now I think your gf didnt take the relationship as seriously as you did, even for 5 years, or she was bored with you, which is kinda your fault. Theres a millions things you could have done, but its hard to compete with changing tastes.

 

You never get any warning from someone who will dump you, you just have to not be oblivious to the obvious signs. Its not romantic, but you have to always be on guard and pay attention to actions. if you did that, you would have seen it coming. It just something you have to learn as you get older.

[Darren Taylor]

Now I think your gf didnt take the relationship as seriously as you did, even for 5 years, or she was bored with you, which is kinda your fault.

 

 

Of course, the guy is blamed as usual.

[dreamingoftigers]

Truly,

 

Men seem to dump for "stupid" reasons, and often they will throw a perfectly good, viable relationship away impulsively.

 

When they get "overwhelmed" with work, school, emotions and obligations they view the relationship as too much 'pressure' at a time where a girl could really show to be helpful. Going to school and having to have extra time to study isn't a reason to end a relationship, it is a reason to be extra-careful in scheduling time together and having consideration for the one studying.

 

Men also get the idea of "freedom" and "party time" which rarely lives up to expectations.

 

Women really do wait out until they are absolutely sure. The connections they form tend to be deeper, faster. But when either the sexual attraction or emotional connection ends, one side takes the other down very quickly, shockingly so. In my case I have been with my husband almost six years. He has treated me very poorly but the last 2 months have underlined how deeply affected my emotional/sexual attachment has suffered. Any day I feel like I could walk and not look back.

 

He had plenty of warnings, but it took one final event to let the air out of the marital tire. When I go it will be the end. If I wasn't prepared for the end, I wouldn't leave.

 

Often too, a guy will come back to a relationship when he is lonely and hurting, a girl will look at the end of the relationship as the cause for the lonliness and hurt and think "I am not going through that again."

 

As well, women tend to be more security focused. If the relationship wasn't secure enough to hold itself together, there is a very low chance they they will seek it out again. Plus their friends whom she complained to about you will strongly discourage it and so if she does go back, she will feel like an idiot in front of them In the younger years, friend's opinions are quite important.

[JohnBlair]

Truly,

 

Men seem to dump for "stupid" reasons, and often they will throw a perfectly good, viable relationship away impulsively.

 

When they get "overwhelmed" with work, school, emotions and obligations they view the relationship as too much 'pressure' at a time where a girl could really show to be helpful. Going to school and having to have extra time to study isn't a reason to end a relationship, it is a reason to be extra-careful in scheduling time together and having consideration for the one studying.

 

Men also get the idea of "freedom" and "party time" which rarely lives up to expectations.

 

Women really do wait out until they are absolutely sure. The connections they form tend to be deeper, faster. But when either the sexual attraction or emotional connection ends, one side takes the other down very quickly, shockingly so. In my case I have been with my husband almost six years. He has treated me very poorly but the last 2 months have underlined how deeply affected my emotional/sexual attachment has suffered. Any day I feel like I could walk and not look back.

 

He had plenty of warnings, but it took one final event to let the air out of the marital tire. When I go it will be the end. If I wasn't prepared for the end, I wouldn't leave.

Often too, a guy will come back to a relationship when he is lonely and hurting, a girl will look at the end of the relationship as the cause for the lonliness and hurt and think "I am not going through that again."

 

As well, women tend to be more security focused. If the relationship wasn't secure enough to hold itself together, there is a very low chance they they will seek it out again. Plus their friends whom she complained to about you will strongly discourage it and so if she does go back, she will feel like an idiot in front of them In the younger years, friend's opinions are quite important.

 

 

I don't know your personal situation but have you actually stated those EXACT words to your man? Sometimes men like women know their partners are unhappy but take things for granted and think they have time. They may not know how serious the situation is because women don't have the courage to say it, or tend to leave things out, and that's EXACTLY what he NEEDS to hear if you do actually want a change.

 

If you haven't already I suggest you don't post it on here. Have the courage to say it to his face and pick a good time....when he's in a good mood! Don't just wait around to see that things will change, because you know they won't, and all that will happen is another situation will arise that will justify you walking out the door.

 

I think women that have given up on their relationship have a tendency to wait around for another "bomb" just so they can say THAT'S IT! In the mean time they are planning the escape and put little effort into saving anything then try use the final "bomb" as justification for the time spent planning their escape unknowingly to the other partner instead of having that discussion and leaving the relationship with mutual dignity. THAT is where women mess up.

Edited May 3, 2011 by JohnBlair

[fordpowerstroke7.3]

I would like to hear your thoughts on this.

 

I have been both the dumper and the dumpee.

 

I have broken up with 3 people, but the thing is it took me MONTHS and even break up with them, when ever I broke up with someone, that is because I completely checked up of a relationship.

 

I have been the dumpee in... well I really don't know how many, but 2 LTR and a few STR. But when ever the guy broke up with me they always seemed to have returned.

Example- the first time I was dumped a year later he came back and was begging me to take him back and said how much he misses me, and it was a huge mistake, and he tried for months for me to take him back (I was in another relationship) and then a couple months ago we got in contact again after 5 years, we catch up with each other and told each other what we have been doing. After a couple days of talking he said "you know... breaking up with you was the biggest mistake I have ever did in my life, I regret it so much" I still did not take him back though.

 

another relationship I was dumped after 2 years, 2 years later he told mutual friends of ours how much he misses me, and he wants to get back together. But I don't want to go back to him.

 

another relationship he broke up with me after 6 months, and then we "kind of" got back together for another 3 months, but I had to cut him off.

 

Is there really a huge difference between male and female dumpers? I rarely ever see a girl say "I made a mistake!" it's usually the male dumpers.

 

thoughts?

 

I dumped a girl, she called me crying for one year after. A girl dumped me (kind of, it was more of a mutual split), and we are now getting back together. I think it is more of a personality thing than a gender thing.