RegretALot Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I have had enough - My parents always make me feel worthless and belittle me. They mock at me and tell me how insane and dumb and foolish my decisions are. It goes on everyday. There is never a dull moment. They might be right about some things but their intensity, volatility, belittling behavior keeps my eyes moist most of the time. They wound me with their very sharp statements. And then punch the same sore spot everyday. Sometimes they cry while they do so. It makes me sad - so sad - and miserable - I can't think clearly. Think about a car crash when going at 100 mph. That’s how deaf and blind and helpless I feel. They just belt me all the time. Other times, they are accusing each other of supporting the arranged marriage. I got married in India and then my wife joined me in the US. We were happy there - but I was foolishly unaware of a lot of things that had gone on during the marriage. I have lived in the US mostly since 2001 and I find life very simple and straightforward there. I followed the same laws of the land here in India. I find people here very complex and the social set up so complex. My parents accuse me of ousting them, pushing them into a corner and I can handle it anymore. And my wife is terribly insecure. My parent’s dont like my wife. My wife does not like my parents. I want us to be family. I had an arranged marriage. I am 35, my wife is 31. I am successful and have had a good career so far. My wife is a doctor. And so are both of my parents. I had temporarily relocated to India for 1 year because my wife got accepted into a program far from where we were based in the US (had to do so to straighten out my immigration status or else we would have had a long distance relationship for 3 years) and my wife is still in the US. When I came to India - my wife grew very insecure and fights ensued (because my parents don’t like my wife or her parents and vice versa – also things went south during the marriage ceremony etc). I have tried to assert myself with my wife and parents but to no avail. My wife shares our disagreements and fights with her younger sister. She expects me to do the keep our arguments personal. Now it is a mess and hard feelings everywhere. After I came to India and moved in with my parents (I have no place in India I can go to since I have never worked here - unless I go into a hotel or something), me and my wife had very ugly arguments over Skype. My parents overheard this. This has exacerbated the whole thing. I am being blamed for everything by my parents. They hit me hard everyday. (I have 4 more months left of the 12 month stay LDR). My wife is also the same way. She will accuse me and my parents. I just want to walk away from all these people, only if it was that simple. I am just not in my senses anymore. I left my home when I was 18; I have come back when I am 34. It is just not the same lovely place it used to be. I will bleed to death here. I asked my parents that if you don’t like my inalws - you should also confront directly - but they say they don’t want to confront my wife’s parents because that will worsen it all. To my mind it seems like a more direct approach. After the first 6 months of our long distance relationship ended, my wife came to India to see me. Actually I had to force her to come and see me after not having seen each other for 6 months. She booked tickets to see here sister instead because she does not like my parents (after having spent 4 months with them early on in the marriage). She told me was visiting her sister after she had booked then tickets. We had not even seen each other for 6 months. When she finally came to India - she publicly asked me to return her the engagement rose. But she will promptly invalidate my complaint saying she that was just joking and that I lack social skills and can’t tell and joke from a serious comment. On the day I left the US to begin our long distance relationship - she told me that our marriage has been a mistake. Our LDR was a mutual decision - agreed upon by both of us - and nobody else was involved. I have conveyed this to my parents and obviously this feeds into their pre-existing opinions. I had to tell this. I have strong reason to believe that my wife’s parents have been in the loop and my parents and my sibling were constantly in the dark. I have not been bad to my wife. She quit her life here in India to join me in the US. I supported here ambitions and dreams honestly and lovingly. Somehow when I think about my mother, wife and father, they seem to be mean people. I think I am a lot different than all of these people, I might be related to these people but I don’t share many attribute with these people. My wife checks my email, my bank account (although I am sitting at home 24/7) – asks for every password I have. In this LDR, I chose not to work, stayed home – for a whole bunch of reasons, I thought parents would feel great, I would not have to establish a temporary home in India in a place where I could find a job for a year, took my GMAT already 1 admit from a Univ. in the US. – But this has taken an enormous toll on my mind. I definitely love my wife and parents a lot less and respect them a lot less. I don’t feel very integrated into this family. Don’t feel that strong connection any more. This is all one sided but that’s what’s running through my mind. Would you think the same way? How would u think about this? Or am I just too sensitive?
Author RegretALot Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Maybe this needs to be under the "Marraige and Life Relationstionships" also. I just put it in here because I am in an LDR also,
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