WTRanger Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 As far as NC goes, I can easily handle not txting and calling and seeing her. I think i deserve a bunch of credit for that because many ppl on this site seem to struggle there... Now, as of today i have committed to no longer looking at her fb page at all. Which was pretty much our last line of contact. Besides seeing her randomly at school, which i have no control over. So this is where I am as of today... So these updates should go down. Hopefully a week from today, I can come back and read this like wtf was i thinking? Really? You can easily handle not texting her? Is this a good example of your self control? Should you get credit for this stunning example of your will to not talk to her? Originally Posted by shawn923 Idk wtf taken control of me, but i text her again out the blue: "it is what it is. And for the record i never wanted to get back together, i just wanted to see if u would consider it. u wanna be selfish and immature then i have zero time for it. Dont even worry about me anymore, IM GOOD! :)" she hasnt replied. Idk why i text it, but i just felt that little bit extra had to be said so she didnt think i went NC last time JUST to get back with her... I just needed that little extra couple sentences, that tells her basically, "i never wanted to get back with u before, and im fine for the future". I know its a lie, because i desperately wanted her back... But i just feel SHE shouldnt have the benefit of knowing that, or that she feels in the future that i still want her... I want her to be convinced that im not coming back. Now... did i make a mistake by continually texting her? Is it time to stop NOW? is there anything more, or less, i can possibly say? Im big on having the last text i send be something she sees whenever she looks at her phone and thinks of me... in this case, it's "dont worry about me anymore im good! :)" If you had deleted her number, the temptation wouldn't be there. Well, it would but getting a hold of her is a little harder. Even if you still know the number by memory, you have to actually punch it in and in that time you can stop yourself. You don't want to delete it because you are still holding onto hope. This is vastly different than someone's number whom you just don't really talk to anymore. This is the source of your pain and confusion. If you were trying to kick a drug habit, and in this case the addiction to your ex is the same thing, you wouldn't try to kick that habit while still living in a crack house around all of the crackheads with your dealer's number still in your phone. Stop thinking that in a week you'll be good. You won't. This isn't a quick fix. It takes time, months and even years in some cases to be truly over someone. One week simply wont do it. A week from now you'll be thinking, "Jeez I miss her. Maybe I should try one more time. Oh, here is her easily accessible number in my phone. I'll text her. But I'm so totally over her. Good thing I had a full week to recover."
geegirl Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 As far as NC goes, I can easily handle not txting and calling and seeing her. I think i deserve a bunch of credit for that because many ppl on this site seem to struggle there... Now, as of today i have committed to no longer looking at her fb page at all. Which was pretty much our last line of contact. Besides seeing her randomly at school, which i have no control over. So this is where I am as of today... So these updates should go down. Hopefully a week from today, I can come back and read this like wtf was i thinking? You're taking steps Shawn. You're moving forward. You're doing great. We all makes mistakes and stumble along the way and sometimes get beaten up so badly before we finally say enough. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to finally start to swim up. I hope this is it for you. Please try to keep to the steps that you have committed to taking. If you can't delete her number, then don't but just don't use it in any way, shape or form. Personally I would delete, and I did delete only because it's a little door that can be opened at any time, a dangerous door when you are emotional and struggling during the early stages of NC. But if you can commit to not calling or texting her, then keep it. Maybe delete it from your phone but write it down on a piece of paper and have someone save it for you. I don't know. Do what works for you. Just stay the course. Update us when you can.
Author shawn923 Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 You don't want to delete it because you are still holding onto hope. This is vastly different than someone's number whom you just don't really talk to anymore. This is the source of your pain and confusion. Stop thinking that in a week you'll be good. You won't. This isn't a quick fix. It takes time, months and even years in some cases to be truly over someone. One week simply wont do it. A week from now you'll be thinking, "Jeez I miss her. Maybe I should try one more time. Oh, here is her easily accessible number in my phone. I'll text her. But I'm so totally over her. Good thing I had a full week to recover." She was the one who initiated contact. Whether i had her number or not, i woulda got the text/call from her. I can completely handle having her number and not using it. Trust me on this one... I just got lost last time, cuz i wanted closure after she had contacted me. She had to know i wasnt going to settle for anything less than what we had before. Then i left it at that... And by telling me in a week i wont be any better, its like whats the point of NC then? If this process takes YEARS, then i wont even do it. I rather argue with my ex every week then and put up with that... OF COURSE im kidding, but u know what i mean. I was told NC was the quickest way to forget about her. If im gonna stick to this i need to know it worked for u guys. I was only with her 3 months, and its been 2 months since we broke up, and im still hurt! I need the quickest way to get my life back...
Author shawn923 Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 You're taking steps Shawn. You're moving forward. You're doing great. We all makes mistakes and stumble along the way and sometimes get beaten up so badly before we finally say enough. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to finally start to swim up. I hope this is it for you. Please try to keep to the steps that you have committed to taking. If you can't delete her number, then don't but just don't use it in any way, shape or form. Personally I would delete, and I did delete only because it's a little door that can be opened at any time, a dangerous door when you are emotional and struggling during the early stages of NC. But if you can commit to not calling or texting her, then keep it. Maybe delete it from your phone but write it down on a piece of paper and have someone save it for you. I don't know. Do what works for you. Just stay the course. Update us when you can. Im trying... like i said, i DO NOT have urges to text or call her or see her. I dont. But i do struggle with fb... last night i REALLY wanted to look. I started typing in my friends information and everything about to sign in... Then i closed my laptop shut and quickly put on a movie... And i started crying! it just hurt for some reason... and its extremely hard for me to not look at her fb page, for some reason. I dont think im gonna make it to thru the weekend without just peeking... its hard because i feel when i look at it, i feel indifferent. but when i dont do it like u guys say, it hurts not knowing what shes doing... Idk why the hell im still crying 2 months after a break up, when she dumped me, clearly said she didnt want me, and clearly said we would never have a 2nd chance. I just dont get why this STILL makes me cry... I feel by me going NC and healing, she justs calmly walks away unaffected, like "fine. u dont wanna be my friend? oh well. live ur life" and it pisses me off! I dont wanna wish bad on anybody, but if somehow i knew that she missed me even a tiny bit, or is hurt that im leaving, it would at least make me feel i meant something to her... she makes me feel like total crap because she didnt want me, said we can never be, and left without even trying to stop me. But then her actions speak totally different... i just dont get it.
Call Me Al Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 It still hurts because you keep in contact and check her FB. You aren't making any progress with getting over it.
geegirl Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 It's GOING to hurt knowing what she is doing when you check FB. And it will continue to hurt for as long as you do it. It's long term if you keep doing that. It will hurt not looking now as you will be riddled with anxiety wondering what is going on but the hurt will be temporary and you will get to a point where you won't want to look anymore because you don't want to hurt anymore. You will be gung ho on recovering and the feeling of recovering will feel so good, you won't want to mess your journey or face a setback. Your head will take over instead of your heart. You have to give yourself a chance. There is no such thing as being powerless. You control your thoughts and your actions. You feel indifferent now because you don't see much of anything pertaining to her being with another guy. Just as when I passed my ex's place, I felt indifferent. The day I saw a woman in his driveway, it cut me to the core. Don't fool yourself or talk yourself into reasoning that will not help you in getting over her. You have no control over what she feels or how she acts. How she treated you should make you want to get this NC thing full force. So what if she missed you a little bit, a lot, or doesn't....the fact remains is that she does not want to be with you. Maybe it means something to her, maybe it doesn't. What it means to her is not the same as what it means to you. Don't project your wants and needs on her. You want to be validated but you can't get that validation from her. You need to start validating YOURSELF by getting a grip, putting yourself first, putting your healing first, and most of all, using NC because YOU truly want to get better and be done with this. If you TRULY want to heal, nothing will derail you. Commit to the steps you need to take. No more, why, if, when, who, what...all that is in the past. It's now all about YOU.
Layzie89 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I've been broken up for almost 3 months, NC for almost 2 months. I'm in a far better place now than I was before because I went STRICT NC and I deactivated my FB so even when I do have the urge to look at her page, I can't because I don't have a FB to begin with. We've told you all of this before Shawn...and yet, you still wonder why after 2 months you're still crying. NC means NO CONTACT whatsoever. If you choose LC, of course your healing will be limited as well.
Call Me Al Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 It'll help. You may think right now its the opposite of whats best...but trust everyone who posts here. Im not even sure what week Im on of no contact....6 or 7 I think. I stopped counting the days. Do I still miss her? Yes. A lot. Do I still think about her? Pretty often, yea. Do I hope she reaches out at some point? Not sure. Do I think I will move past this? Absolutely. As someone who lived with an ex where NC was NOT possible...I cannot stress how important it is to your sanity. You're in a state of denial about it now....and Im not saying that to try to be rude, but you are. What you need to do is accept it as over.
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