***Shawns NC Log***

[Call Me Al]

Honestly dude you're just setting yourself up to get hurt worse and prolonging the pain of this.

 

If you are 'friends' for a few months and she finds a guy to date....you wont see any more of her, I can guarantee you. At that point, you'll be forced to go into recovery mode, and you'll be back to the starting point whereas if you just cut her off now...you'd get to that point.

 

The most important thing you need to do is accept that its done. Dont question if she will come back. Dont plan on waiting. Dont make any plans that involve her. You and her are no more, and you need to learn to accept that so you can move on.

[shawn923]

Honestly dude you're just setting yourself up to get hurt worse and prolonging the pain of this.

If you are 'friends' for a few months and she finds a guy to date....you wont see any more of her, I can guarantee you. At that point, you'll be forced to go into recovery mode, and you'll be back to the starting point whereas if you just cut her off now...you'd get to that point.

The most important thing you need to do is accept that its done. Dont question if she will come back. Dont plan on waiting. Dont make any plans that involve her. You and her are no more, and you need to learn to accept that so you can move on.

 

UPDATE: I realized this... and sent her a pretty long text. It basically said:

 

"u dont understand i feel, u really dont... if u cant EVER be in a relationship with me again, then i cant EVER be your friend. simple as that... we clearly had 2 totally different intrepretations of our relationship. It is what it is. i deserve NO LESS than what we had before. and since u cant give me that, im done"

 

she replied "i was busy when u text me but whatever thats ur decision"

 

and i didnt text back. Initiating NC now. she is again erased off fb... Did i handle this correctly? Was it right or wrong, or indifferent that i kinda ANNOUNCED nc?

[geegirl]

and i didnt text back. Initiating NC now. she is again erased off fb... Did i handle this correctly? Was it right or wrong, or indifferent that i kinda ANNOUNCED nc?

 

You handled it fine. You told her the truth about how you were feeling and she walked away, again. You are initiating NC whether right, wrong or indifferent. Whether you shouted from the rooftops, sent her an email or got down on one knee, you just need to NC and move on. Stop analysing every step, every word, every action. Just NC. Months from now, you won't even care how you announced it or how she took it.

 

Please remember how ****ty it feels when she dismisses you this way whenever you feel you want to reach out to her. The definition of Insanity is repeating the same behaviors and expecting different results. So, everytime you want to tell her one more thing, check her FB, send a text, proclaim your feelings...remember how she dimisses you. If you want more of this hurtful treatment, then keep going back. If not, NC.

[radiodarcy]

UPDATE: I realized this... and sent her a pretty long text. It basically said:

 

"u dont understand i feel, u really dont... if u cant EVER be in a relationship with me again, then i cant EVER be your friend. simple as that... we clearly had 2 totally different intrepretations of our relationship. It is what it is. i deserve NO LESS than what we had before. and since u cant give me that, im done"

 

she replied "i was busy when u text me but whatever thats ur decision"

 

and i didnt text back. Initiating NC now. she is again erased off fb... Did i handle this correctly? Was it right or wrong, or indifferent that i kinda ANNOUNCED nc?

 

i think you handled it fine. there's nothing wrong with letting someone you're going nc - - just be sure to stick to it. as geegirl mentioned your ex's lackluster responses should be motivation enough to stick to NC. it sounds like she's figured out you were using nc as a game to get her back and is now pretty much over it. so i would suggest exploring the other options you mentioned earlier. good luck!

[shawn923]

You handled it fine. You told her the truth about how you were feeling and she walked away, again. You are initiating NC whether right, wrong or indifferent. Whether you shouted from the rooftops, sent her an email or got down on one knee, you just need to NC and move on. Stop analysing every step, every word, every action. Just NC. Months from now, you won't even care how you announced it or how she took it.

 

Please remember how ****ty it feels when she dismisses you this way whenever you feel you want to reach out to her. The definition of Insanity is repeating the same behaviors and expecting different results. So, everytime you want to tell her one more thing, check her FB, send a text, proclaim your feelings...remember how she dimisses you. If you want more of this hurtful treatment, then keep going back. If not, NC.

 

Thanx, this helped a lot knowing i went about this the right way. I was thinkin maybe i shoulda re-worded it differently, or not told her i was going NC and just faded away... But fawk it, I did the most mature thing possible. I told her exactly how i feel and why i cant be just friends. And she stuck to her guns and let me go with np. Am i wrong to deserve what we use to have? I wont settle for less...

 

And yea, this time around, i didnt cry or tear up... But we'll see tonight lol. And i feel more *****ty/mad/disappointed than i am sad/heartbroken now. And yea i never have a problem with textin, callin, or seeing her. I can avoid those forever with np. But its the fb thing... I really need a way to stop that! Im gonna try my hardest from this point forward to resist looking at her page. hopefully it gets easier like everyone says

 

Its like she's living her life playing games, pretending true love comes n goes... i just dont get it and im fed up with it. I mean shes young, shes 20. I guess the day she matures is the day she will have that wake up call and realize what she missed. Think about it... Most people on this web site described my behavior as stalkerish and over the top. When i know im not a fawking stalker, lol, I just loved her that much. How many other people in the world will she be lucky enough to meet, that will have the same love and show the same emotion toward her that i did? Nobody. One day she will realize what she missed... shes just too immature and selfish right now to see anything REAL. And when she matures, i know she will be crying back. And is she doesnt and decides to move on, i have so much confidence that my love for her is so strong, she will not be able to upgrade that. I mean, everyone upgrades when they move on, right? otherwise why else would u move on...? I think i made it impossible for her to ever find the one now. And i kinda like that

 

I officially say I wanna fall out of love with her.

[shawn923]

i think you handled it fine. there's nothing wrong with letting someone you're going nc - - just be sure to stick to it. as geegirl mentioned your ex's lackluster responses should be motivation enough to stick to NC. it sounds like she's figured out you were using nc as a game to get her back and is now pretty much over it. so i would suggest exploring the other options you mentioned earlier. good luck!

 

Really? what difference does it make. If im NC, that in way can give her a hint that i WANT her. she came back to me. she wanted to be friends. And again, i broke NC, but basically ended up tellin her "on 2nd thought, we cant be friends. if u dont want me then i dont want u". I hope she doesnt think NC is a game... because i dont want her thinkin she can come back whenever she pleases. I hope thats not the impression i left on her... because i thought about that.

[geegirl]

Thanx, this helped a lot knowing i went about this the right way. I was thinkin maybe i shoulda re-worded it differently, or not told her i was going NC and just faded away... But fawk it, I did the most mature thing possible. I told her exactly how i feel and why i cant be just friends. And she stuck to her guns and let me go with np. Am i wrong to deserve what we use to have? I wont settle for less...

 

And yea, this time around, i didnt cry or tear up... But we'll see tonight lol. And i feel more *****ty/mad/disappointed than i am sad/heartbroken now. And yea i never have a problem with textin, callin, or seeing her. I can avoid those forever with np. But its the fb thing... I really need a way to stop that! Im gonna try my hardest from this point forward to resist looking at her page. hopefully it gets easier like everyone says

 

Its like she's living her life playing games, pretending true love comes n goes... i just dont get it and im fed up with it. I mean shes young, shes 20. I guess the day she matures is the day she will have that wake up call and realize what she missed. Think about it... Most people on this web site described my behavior as stalkerish and over the top. When i know im not a fawking stalker, lol, I just loved her that much. How many other people in the world will she be lucky enough to meet, that will have the same love and show the same emotion toward her that i did? Nobody. One day she will realize what she missed... shes just too immature and selfish right now to see anything REAL. And when she matures, i know she will be crying back. And is she doesnt and decides to move on, i have so much confidence that my love for her is so strong, she will not be able to upgrade that. I mean, everyone upgrades when they move on, right? otherwise why else would u move on...? I think i made it impossible for her to ever find the one now. And i kinda like that

 

I officially say I wanna fall out of love with her.

 

No one should ever settle. And you realize you won't settle for less. Keep moving forward.

 

Grieve when you need to grieve. Just don't react. Sometimes when going through that hurt, you want to find comfort and you feel the need to reach out to the one that hurt you. You want their comfort. But she is your source of pain. So don't react if you feel yourself going that route.

 

As for FB, throw away the password. If you feel the urge to check her page, ask yourself what good would it be doing you. You'll see something you don't like, something that gives you hope, something that will make you analyze till the cows come home...so what??? She still does not want to be with you. So why check? You kill the hope by cutting yourself from every piece of information about her. You feed the hope by keeping yourself connected to her. You have to choose. If you really want to heal the wound completely...ZERO contact. If you want to keep picking at the scab, then check her FB and continue to feel affected and attached.

 

Relationships end not because one or the other wants to "upgrade". Relationships don't always work out for many reasons. It's just life. Sometimes its compatibility. Sometimes its timing. Sometimes your feelings die. It could be anything. People move on because the relationship does not nourish or provide them with what they need at that point in their life. It's not about upgrading or downgrading. A break happens and you move on and you meet the next person. Each person that enters your life brings their own uniqueness to the new relationship. Moving on mean the R has ended and the next step is to get out there and meet new people and create new experiences.

[shawn923]

Idk wtf taken control of me, but i text her again out the blue:

 

"it is what it is. And for the record i never wanted to get back together, i just wanted to see if u would consider it. u wanna be selfish and immature then i have zero time for it. Dont even worry about me anymore, IM GOOD! :)"

 

she hasnt replied.

Idk why i text it, but i just felt that little bit extra had to be said so she didnt think i went NC last time JUST to get back with her... I just needed that little extra couple sentences, that tells her basically, "i never wanted to get back with u before, and im fine for the future". I know its a lie, because i desperately wanted her back... But i just feel SHE shouldnt have the benefit of knowing that, or that she feels in the future that i still want her... I want her to be convinced that im not coming back.

 

Now... did i make a mistake by continually texting her? Is it time to stop NOW? is there anything more, or less, i can possibly say? Im big on having the last text i send be something she sees whenever she looks at her phone and thinks of me... in this case, it's "dont worry about me anymore im good! :)"

[shawn923]

Relationships end not because one or the other wants to "upgrade". Relationships don't always work out for many reasons. It's just life. Sometimes its compatibility. Sometimes its timing. Sometimes your feelings die. It could be anything. People move on because the relationship does not nourish or provide them with what they need at that point in their life. It's not about upgrading or downgrading. A break happens and you move on and you meet the next person. Each person that enters your life brings their own uniqueness to the new relationship. Moving on mean the R has ended and the next step is to get out there and meet new people and create new experiences.

 

I know, i was simply saying i know her next relationship just wont be the same as ours. I felt i gave her everything i possibly could. I dont see her finding that in anybody else...

[marqueemoon4]

dude, I know its hard but leave it alone.

[geegirl]

Idk wtf taken control of me, but i text her again out the blue:

 

"it is what it is. And for the record i never wanted to get back together, i just wanted to see if u would consider it. u wanna be selfish and immature then i have zero time for it. Dont even worry about me anymore, IM GOOD! :)"

 

she hasnt replied.

Idk why i text it, but i just felt that little bit extra had to be said so she didnt think i went NC last time JUST to get back with her... I just needed that little extra couple sentences, that tells her basically, "i never wanted to get back with u before, and im fine for the future". I know its a lie, because i desperately wanted her back... But i just feel SHE shouldnt have the benefit of knowing that, or that she feels in the future that i still want her... I want her to be convinced that im not coming back.

 

Now... did i make a mistake by continually texting her? Is it time to stop NOW? is there anything more, or less, i can possibly say? Im big on having the last text i send be something she sees whenever she looks at her phone and thinks of me... in this case, it's "dont worry about me anymore im good! :)"

 

She hasn't replied because she is probably drained and not wanting to deal with the drama. Someone who does not want to get back with someone does not create all of this. Your trying to "unwound" your pride and ego in her eyes but the more you keep doing this, the more she is going to see you as groveling for her.

 

Yes, you made a MISTAKE. IT IS TIME TO STOP. THERE IS NOTHING MORE TO SAY. She may have just deleted your text. And you're NOT GOOD. GOOD would have been ignoring her the day she told you she didn't want to be with you. This behavior, especially now has shown her the complete opposite.

 

Leave her be and NC. Nothing more for you to say to her. NC.

[geegirl]

I know, i was simply saying i know her next relationship just wont be the same as ours. I felt i gave her everything i possibly could. I dont see her finding that in anybody else...

 

Don't compare. You don't know what another person is going to provide in her next relationship. And that applies to you too. Another woman may provide you better than what this one has, eventhough you claim she is the one. Or you may get worse. Don't predict the future of her next relationship. You focus on your healing and what you hope for in your next relationship.

[WTRanger]

The more you try to convince her that you are good, the more you convince her than you are this pathetic excuse for an ex. You know what will convince her? You not saying anything. You not wanting to always get in the last word. You not trying to tell her you were the best thing since sliced bread.

 

Time to stop beating this to death. You are done. Done done done done done. For someone who claims he's the next Casanova, you sure have spent an awful lot of time dragging your puppy dog self after your ex. You have made a fool of yourself. You cave and be her friend, then you go all bitchy on her. Then you say your sorry, now you are back to being a bitch. So now it's time to get your self respect back.

 

When she looks at her phone and sees a text from you, you are right she does think about you. The words, "clingy douche bag" come to mind.

[geegirl]

Shawn,

 

Maybe you need to print this whole 5 page thread and whenever you feel like caving - read, read, read. You're impulsive and just let your heart take you wherever it wants to go. Start thinking. Use your head. Read this and it will remind you of what you need to be doing. 5 pages has not helped curb your impulses one bit.

[VJohnson32]

What happend to men acting like men? I know its hard but you have to be stronger than that ... showing her and telling her how you feel isnt helping you, she knows you are acting tough but she knows you cant back up your words. She broke up with, breaking up with somebody in general means they are done with you for whatever reasons ...it means they drew the line. What you have to do and most people on here and stand up for themselves and hit back. If she contacts you, you tell her to f*** off and leave you alone. Few weeks after a break up its fine to be nice and do whatever you can do to get her back but after a month/s you have to step up. Dont know why most people on here after they have been broken up for few months want their exs back. You CANT trust a person that has been absent for such a long time in a long run. Chances are if you do end up together old issues will resurface again. You have to man up and turn soft emotions into anger. Think about the sleepless nights and the **** she made you go through while she was having the time of her life without you and turn it into an anger ... why the f*** would you want someone back that made you go through hell ??

Love is nothing more than an attachment you have towards someone. Just like your parents and your pets, you get attached. Once you detach yourself suddenly or unexpectedly thats when you go through what people describe as grief/lost/heart broken. Many people say its natural but i disagree. Emotions tend to built up during nurture, the more you care and nurture someone the more emotions you develop for that person ... so whenever life takes that person away from you you feel lost, betrayed and hurt because we invest time in that person. And TIME is the only thing we value and respect since we all have a time limit. So instead of hurting over that person and wasting your precious time you need to turn soft emotions into anger and move on and build up your confidence again and in time you will find another person to invest your energy and time to build up a proper relationship and spread your genes...

[shawn923]

Ok well dont put me down guys... I know i made a mistake, and i was powerless to stop it. Its over and done with. At least i have enough knowledge to see im fawking up... We continued to text, and eventually brought it back to my original closure statement, the one i said earlier about if we cant be with me, then we cant be friends. She replied but i didnt. I left it there. enough was enough... Now...

 

A couple of u make it seem as if I made a fool of myself forever, and totally lost my respect. While i may have lost it, I thought NC was to get it back? And im fully prepared to go FULL NC now. She indeed makes me angry about this situation, she threw me to the fawking curb! I believe going NC will make me forget about her, get my respect back, and move on to something better. Dont make it sound like its too late... Its never too late to do the right thing. I just have to stick to it. Now at least i know the benefits of NC, and what it does to her, and me.

 

Besides, if she saw that when she decided to contact me, i was still not over her in her eyes. Which means SHE WILL contact me again sometime, to check if i still want her, or even if its just for her selfish reasons again. This time i will be ready. I will follow NC to wheels fall off... And when she sees im no longer interested, then i will have the upper hand. And my respect back.

 

Does this sound right or am i missing something here?

[geegirl]

FULL NC means not even checking her FB. Can you do that? If you're going to say you are going to try then I don't know if you really know what FULL NC means.

 

Even after all that, you continued to text. Commit to that last string of text messages as you finally shutting the door. Now commit to one full day without texting. Then another day, then two days, then three days...keep going. Little steps. Don't be impulsive. Read this thread when you feel weak. Stay off her FB. NC is to heal YOU. If you break NC, you are disregarding YOU. Sit on that NC wagon till the wheels fall off.

 

You can do it.

[WTRanger]

You were clearly not powerless to stop it. You chose to respond. You've got 3 concurrent threads going, everyone of them has told you to stay the course with no contact. Yet, you refused to listen. Powerless my ass. You've had the power all along to stop this. You chose not to. No one held a gun to your head. No one was going to die. You aren't being controlled by someone else.

 

Stop thinking about this whole thing as a power game. Who gives a flying fart who has the upper hand? Do you think that'll make you the big man? The more you wish her to miss you and expect to lord over her one day, the more you set yourself back in terms of your recovery.

[shawn923]

FULL NC means not even checking her FB. Can you do that? If you're going to say you are going to try then I don't know if you really know what FULL NC means.

 

Even after all that, you continued to text. Commit to that last string of text messages as you finally shutting the door. Now commit to one full day without texting. Then another day, then two days, then three days...keep going. Little steps. Don't be impulsive. Read this thread when you feel weak. Stay off her FB. NC is to heal YOU. If you break NC, you are disregarding YOU. Sit on that NC wagon till the wheels fall off.

 

You can do it.

 

Yes.

I can handle not textin her easily. Im great when it comes to not calling or txtin, or seeing her. I honestly am.

 

Now as for her fb page, that is what i used to have trouble with... But as of today, im vowing to never look at it again... I just gotta preoccupy my mind with something else. Im goin to force myself to flirt with other girls if i have to. Also i have trouble with ignoring her. Whenever she contacts me, i usually respond. idk what it is, I just have an impulse to respond. well that all stops here. I learned the hard way that she never really wanted to be friends, she just wanted to be selfish. And im content never INITIATING contact with her, ever again. I dont deserve to be treated like that.

 

I even hid the earrings she bought me, threw out all our old movie stubs, i hid her clothes that are at my house. Pretty much everything that reminds me of her i put out of sight. Except her number... honestly i dont ever see myself deleting her number, thats extreme as if i really hated her as a person or something.

 

I just hope doing this will get my respect back... i need my confidence back. I need to have the peace of mind where when/if she does decide to try to pull sum bs again, I will be strong and ready to blow her off, and make HER feel like $hit. Its not about getting the upper hand... I just want my swagger back! Theres no way back in september when i met her, that the person i was, would have EVER acted this way. I had a "on to the next one" mentality when it came to girls. If totally ignoring and shutting her out my life will bring that back to me, then i HAVE to do it, no matter how much it hurts!

[WTRanger]

Yes.

I can handle not textin her easily. Im great when it comes to not calling or txtin, or seeing her. I honestly am.

 

Now as for her fb page, that is what i used to have trouble with... But as of today, im vowing to never look at it again... I just gotta preoccupy my mind with something else. Im goin to force myself to flirt with other girls if i have to. Also i have trouble with ignoring her. Whenever she contacts me, i usually respond. idk what it is, I just have an impulse to respond. well that all stops here. I learned the hard way that she never really wanted to be friends, she just wanted to be selfish. And im content never INITIATING contact with her, ever again. I dont deserve to be treated like that.

 

I even hid the earrings she bought me, threw out all our old movie stubs, i hid her clothes that are at my house. Pretty much everything that reminds me of her i put out of sight. Except her number... honestly i dont ever see myself deleting her number, thats extreme as if i really hated her as a person or something.

 

I just hope doing this will get my respect back... i need my confidence back. I need to have the peace of mind where when/if she does decide to try to pull sum bs again, I will be strong and ready to blow her off, and make HER feel like $hit. Its not about getting the upper hand... I just want my swagger back! Theres no way back in september when i met her, that the person i was, would have EVER acted this way. I had a "on to the next one" mentality when it came to girls. If totally ignoring and shutting her out my life will bring that back to me, then i HAVE to do it, no matter how much it hurts!

 

If you think wanting to make her feel like crap isn't about getting the upper hand then you clearly are missing the point. If you never intend on contacting her, then why keep her number? Seems like you are still holding onto some false ass hope. Yes, I'll be the first to admit it's hard to delete the number. It is a certain level of finality to the whole thing. But as you've so proudly claimed, you are over her and never intend to reach out to her again. Well, own up to that statement and prove it to yourself by deleting her number.

 

For what it's worth, though this is totally pointless to tell you this, but she hasn't pulled any BS this whole time. From day one she has told you she wasn't going to give you a 2nd chance. She wasn't stringing you along. Your own head was. This whole time, your own delusions kept you chasing her. You were using friends as a second chance to get her back. She just wanted to be friends, and clearly told you so, after the break up. You both learned that you can't be friends that close to the break up, no one can or should. It's just too soon and emotions run way too high, as you now know.

 

Have your friend change their FB password so you aren't tempted to use it to look. Time to learn self control here.

[VJohnson32]

As far as facebook goes, dont know how much fb you use i personally rarely use it since im more of an old school but if you do use firefox as your browser theres a neat addon called NoFace and it blocks facebook from completely appearing on your browser and i mean it blocks icons and everything related to facebook ... help alot if you dont have the control of course unless you disable the addon.

[shawn923]

If you think wanting to make her feel like crap isn't about getting the upper hand then you clearly are missing the point. If you never intend on contacting her, then why keep her number? Seems like you are still holding onto some false ass hope. Yes, I'll be the first to admit it's hard to delete the number. It is a certain level of finality to the whole thing. But as you've so proudly claimed, you are over her and never intend to reach out to her again. Well, own up to that statement and prove it to yourself by deleting her number.

 

For what it's worth, though this is totally pointless to tell you this, but she hasn't pulled any BS this whole time. From day one she has told you she wasn't going to give you a 2nd chance. She wasn't stringing you along. Your own head was. This whole time, your own delusions kept you chasing her. You were using friends as a second chance to get her back. She just wanted to be friends, and clearly told you so, after the break up. You both learned that you can't be friends that close to the break up, no one can or should. It's just too soon and emotions run way too high, as you now know.

 

Have your friend change their FB password so you aren't tempted to use it to look. Time to learn self control here.

 

Ur tweaking man its a reason im listening to geegirl and not u... Lay off my back. Im not fawking erasing her number. I never erased anybody number for any reason even people i longer even talk to in years. Im trying my best to go NC as it is. And it always seems like somebody is telling me im not doin it good enough. wtf u want me to transfer schools next? then move to another state?

 

im young, dumb, and only been in love twice! i gonna make mistakes... over and over...

[shawn923]

As far as facebook goes, dont know how much fb you use i personally rarely use it since im more of an old school but if you do use firefox as your browser theres a neat addon called NoFace and it blocks facebook from completely appearing on your browser and i mean it blocks icons and everything related to facebook ... help alot if you dont have the control of course unless you disable the addon.

 

Aw naw im straight lol that would mean im blocking fb altogether. If ur not familiar with fb i can block her page, and thats what i was talking about.

[shawn923]

As far as NC goes, I can easily handle not txting and calling and seeing her. I think i deserve a bunch of credit for that because many ppl on this site seem to struggle there... Now, as of today i have committed to no longer looking at her fb page at all. Which was pretty much our last line of contact. Besides seeing her randomly at school, which i have no control over. So this is where I am as of today... So these updates should go down. Hopefully a week from today, I can come back and read this like wtf was i thinking?

[PegNosePete]

BLOCK her facebook dude. If you can't trust your willpower then it's a good way to get started. You can unblock later if you like, when you no longer feel the urge to look.