Graviton Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 makelemonade1974, is that a recent picture of you in your avatar? And is 1974 your year of birth?
oaks Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Wowza. I think I'm going to have to become a lesbian. Add this to your profile. The guys will come running.
Imajerk17 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I think what was said earlier, about a dating website and guys (women too) being more selective and picky with their "ideal" is true... Ive been guilty of it myself and trying to relax on that... I see a guy mention he likes sports and instantly think...omg sports fan = football season/basketball season/baseball season/training season widow....*ugh!* But Ive met guys in person who I got to know and they mention they like sports and I like them well enough already that Im willing to let it slide...has never worked out though lol still never dated a guy into sports and still apprehensive, though now talking to one whos a sports freak so who knows.. Anyway, my ex had a strict no single mothers rule, and the only one he ever dated, she was older and her daughter was an adult...his only issue was that he found her daughter attractive and after awhile had to let the whole situation go cause he felt that just wasnt right. When he met me, he figured me as just someone to hook up with...didnt work out so well cause he couldnt get me in bed to save his life...the more we got to know each other the more he wanted to be with me, but kiddo was a huge hold back for him. He wasnt ready for and didnt feel he was any sort of guy to be a father figure. I wasnt asking for it or pressuring it in any way...as a matter of fact I hardly let them see each other for the longest, like once a month or so. As it turned out, he ended up loving time with her and us as a a family...so much in fact that after our breakup, he was floored to find out our family day on the weekend was done with too...he really didnt think that was part of the breakup. For months a close friend of mine said how torn up he was about it, and how he was always talking about how much he missed that. All the same, when a friend suggested he open himself up to dating a single mom since he misses it so much, hes said he still wants nothing to do with single moms...my kid and I are an exception, but hed never do that with anyone else cause he considers us the only and closest thing to a family he will ever get. I dont think its true...never say never...he turned out to be a better father figure than boyfriend (hah!) but anyway...if he stuck to his ideal, had he seen me in an online profile, he would have undoubtedly deleted and blocked me never to be thought of again. Yeah. And once we as guys do let the woman's family into our hearts, we do run the risk of getting hurt in that way too. We have separation pains as well. I was emphatic about not wanting to date single moms, but here is the thing: If a woman is easy-going and works her way into our hearts and then we decide we can't live without her, then we will take it. (A friend who somehow turns into more would be an example.) It's very very hard to create that if you meet someone online or "cold" though.
Imajerk17 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 (edited) I must say that makelemonade in her posts does come across to me as whiney and "woe-is-me". It's like she comes across as this emo teenager. That kind of energy is unattractive to men. I wonder if she is driving guys away with that attitude as well... Edited March 18, 2011 by Imajerk17
Author makelemonade1974 Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Lemonade, I'm sure you would be an AWESOME lesbo, but don't make up your mind too impulsively. The hetero men of the world need you!!! And loving yourself is great, but don't get too carried away. For instance, it sometimes takes me an hour to shave in the morning because I can't stop looking at myself in the mirror. Some people have accused me of being conceited, but is it really MY fault that the Lord made me into such a delicious slab of beefcake?!?! I don't think so. PS: Not to nag, but IT IS TOO SOON FOR YOU TO BE DATING!!!! Jes sayin'. Yeah Easy, it's tough being as beautiful as we are. It's been 6 months! How long am I supposed to wait? I need me sum luhvinz.
carhill Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Have you guys ever BEEN married? Yes, for just short of ten years. After that period of dating single mothers, I met and married a childless lady. As a man in my 50's, the only way I'd date a lady with children is if they were grown and didn't substantially impede the development of our relationship and/or they were younger and she didn't inject them into the relationship. It's acceptable that they are a priority in her life, but that priority is away from our intimacy and bonding process. If I felt like I was relegated to an erstwhile spectator, I'd move on. I happened to have been burdened with caring for a mental 'child' who "grew up" to die during our M and I can guarantee that my now exW resented me plenty (she expressed it clearly in words and actions) for taking that child on, regardless of my efforts to prioritize our marriage. This was a great eye-opener for myself; good information
sumdude Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Have you guys ever BEEN married? It's a lot of work and not something I'm sure I would want to do again. What's the percentage of marriages that end in divorce? Do people really think that divorced women are bad in relationships? I just don't see the objectivity here. Very strange. Sorry Easy Heart. I just can't take it anymore. Yup, after 8 years together and less than two married she pulled the sneak out escape plan after gaslighting me for a few months and remarried as soon as our divorce was final. So at 43, divorced with no kids I'm gun shy with relationships in general. I don't trust easily anymore. So I would consider dating a single/divorced mother but taking the relationship to another level is another story. Right now I can't see having a long term relationship with one. Not if I still may have the opportunity to be a father and grow into that role from the start. Like others have said, if you want an LTR I think your best bet is to find a single/divorced father. You'll have more in common and will be more understanding of the scheduling and prioritization issues. If you just want to date and have some fun the the sky's the limit.
ReturnToSender Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Yeah. And once we as guys do let the woman's family into our hearts, we do run the risk of getting hurt in that way too. We have separation pains as well. I was emphatic about not wanting to date single moms, but here is the thing: If a woman is easy-going and works her way into our hearts and then we decide we can't live without her, then we will take it. (A friend who somehow turns into more would be an example.) It's very very hard to create that if you meet someone online or "cold" though. Exactly on both points. You know..even his mother got on me that I was hurting him and my daughter by not allowing the family days to continue, she said how hard it was to hear him go on about it so much and she knows how much my daughter loves him too. I reminded her, it was his choice to leave the relationship not me...he broke two hearts not one..and its up to me to protect my daughter. I did fold and we all went to the fair together like we did every year...my daughter was *thrilled* thinking we were back together again. It sucked hard to tell her we werent...she was so confused like, well why are we acting like a family if he still doesnt want us? That was enough for me to decide I had made the right choice and not do things together again. He brought that pain on himself by breaking up with me, I bring that pain on myself to still have anything to do with him...but kiddo didnt do anything to deserve it. Im sad all over again now....I loved our times together too. Anyway...
Woggle Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I don't why but I was assuming you were the one that broke it off.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 I must say that makelemonade in her posts does come across to me as whiney and "woe-is-me". It's like she comes across as this emo teenager. That kind of energy is unattractive to men. I wonder if she is driving guys away with that attitude as well... I know, I have got to stop crying on dates. :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: Really jerk, no shortage of men over here - just none that I like. Troll.
Imajerk17 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I know, I have got to stop crying on dates. :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: Really jerk, no shortage of men over here - just none that I like. Troll. Well, you were the one who complained about men "running in the opposite direction". Go back and reread your post at the top of your thread. The thing is that this thread of yours reads pretty much like all of your other threads: "No man does it for me so now there's no one for me to date! I'm pretty and beautiful and special so this shouldn't be happening to me!! Wahhhh, wahhhh, wahhhh!!!" All I am saying is that you really ought to think about not complaining and griping so much. Really, it's not so bad.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Oh come on Troll, is that the best you've got? :lmao:
Imajerk17 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I gave you my blunt take, were you hoping for something else?
Author makelemonade1974 Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Yes, give me some troll. Come on. Let's fight. :bunny:
Imajerk17 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Yes, give me some troll. Come on. Let's fight. :bunny: It wouldn't be fair. I could pick you up and throw you over my shoulders like you were nothing. (Especially because you did say you were slender...) And besides, I am too much of a gentleman for that.
MarlyStar Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Another reason is--some kids are brats. I know, I know. Yours aren't. Nobody ever thinks their kids are, but...brats exist, and they belong to someone. Also, a lot of times the kid doesn't like you and works to sabotage the relationship you are building or will just make you uncomfortable. There's a lot of things kids can do to drive you off. Then there are disciplinary styles, an issue that might come up too early in the relationship. You want the kid not to sit on the hood of your mercedes, the parent thinks it's no big deal and you are being difficult. Who needs that sort of aggravation? I prefer men who don't have kids or have kids who live almost full time with mom across the country, or whose kids are away at college. I also prefer men with grown sons rather than grown daughters. Grown daughters can be so judgmental and difficult and nasty about dad's dating and can really be a problem. Also, I will not date men who have effed up kids. Kids on drugs, kids in trouble with the law, kids who can't get off the couch and get a job and support themselves at age 26. I don't want to exclude men with kids--I'm just leary. I know two different men, plus my brother and one of my cousins who have sworn off women with children because the children were problems (ADD, can't adjust to the divorce, is an 'indigo' child, etc...) and the mothers were in over their heads (altho the mothers didn't think so). Also, with kids there's a different type of interaction with your date's ex, the ex in laws, your date's parents (the kids' grandparents) etc... You can't just meet them or ignore them (like your date's ex's parents), because they are the grandparents of your date's child. Also the number of kids matters too. Many people will date someone with one child, but three....maybe not.
mr.dream merchant Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 The OP is asking why, but to a guy, he'll ask "Why not?" I suppose the OP is going for handsome men who are just as accomplished as she is, maybe a little less, probably open to a man who's accomplished more. Problem is, these kind of men can have just about any woman they choose to pursue if they're on their A-game, on top of their p's and q's. So again, why not? Why wouldn't a man of the caliber the OP is looking for, pick an equally or more attractive and delightful woman with less baggage, over the OP? Something to think about.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Ah, but anyone who considers beautiful children "baggage" is not up to my standards as far as moral character. Maybe my "baggage" is a good thing in the dating world, as it weeds out the discompassionate bastards. If someone loves me, they will love my babies. Like I said before, I think this is more my personal issue than an impediment to my dating life. I don't like to feel like I should be somehow ashamed to have children and I'm projecting this insecurity onto potential lovers. And like south florida said, I am looking for an attractive, educated man - but there are lots of those out there.
reservoirdog1 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 OP, at the various points in the last seven years or so when I've been single, I've encountered the same thing from women. Some women will automatically disqualify guys with kids, or date them for a bit and decide they can't handle the kid thing. It's frustrating, but it's reality. It's not everybody's cup of tea.
MarlyStar Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 If someone loves me, they will love my babies. That's true, but if you don't get a first date, there's no knowing if they would have found you loveable. It's a problem, I admit it. I have three sons, but they are 18-23. However, when I left their father when they were 5-10 (he drank, was unemployed again, and was on DUI 2 and repossessed car 4), I did have a few years of no dating because men are hesitant. I understand why, and think the effect is more pronounced in online dating and for men who have extra options. My brother eventually married a woman who had an 8 year old. Bro and GF had dated for about 5 years in High school and college, lived together, planned to marry--when suddenly she found someone else on a whim, ran off with him, had a kid with him. He abandonned her in Alaska of all places and she lived in poverty about 7 years until my brother and she stumbled over each other very much by accident. He was still single, and a few months later they married. The day of the wedding the 8 year old stepson sat on the couch and cried about how he didn't want his mother to get married. Fortunately the deadbeat dad found a 13 year old to marry and moved to Thailand to avoid CS. My bro and the stepson became good friends and is the only child my bro has. Altho it's absolutely impossible, the stepson looks like my bro and they are as bonded as any biological parent/child. It's been 10 years and bro and his wife are happy. Just keep working at it, makinglemonade. If you just want a lover, don't mention your kids. It's only if you want a long term partner or a husband that it matters.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Marly, thanks for sharing your story - crazy Mama drama. I think I'm just irritated with the online scene because it's so upfront - you have to have such and such criteria or I won't even give you a chance. I do think that when you are in love you want to make that person happy, and if it includes loving their kids, then that's what has to be done. I dated a man for a couple months who had two teenage daughters, but it was never serious and we are just friends now. I have a date tomorrow that I'm excited about with an interesting guy who is aware I have children, so that's good at least. The online bit I guess at least saves you having "the talk" with someone you met organically. "Oh, btw I have kids lol." I'm just tired of always having to scroll down on match to the "about my partner" and reading "has kids - no." Especially when they are really cute. And I would never just omit telling someone I had children. That would be seriously evil. When I say "lover" I don't mean one-night stand.
EasyHeart Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 But look at it this way: Suppose you meet someone, get to know them a little, like them, tell them you have kids and then they say, "Kids?!? Yuck, I'm outta here!" Isn't that worse, since you've already made (a little) emotional investment? Kids/no kids isn't something you can change, so it's best to know upfront whether it's going to be a problem for the guy.
EasyHeart Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Yeah Easy, it's tough being as beautiful as we are. It's been 6 months! How long am I supposed to wait? I need me sum luhvinz.You don't "need [you] sum luhvinz". (Good lord, woman, have you ever heard of Spellcheck??!) You want some "luhvinz" because you think it will soothe your anxiety and insecurity. You'll be ready for sum luhvinz when you don't think you need sum luhvinz.
Eeyore79 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Ah, but anyone who considers beautiful children "baggage" is not up to my standards as far as moral character. Maybe my "baggage" is a good thing in the dating world, as it weeds out the discompassionate bastards. I hate to say this, but only parents and family members think that children are beautiful. As far as most other people are concerned they're little more than a nuisance. A person isn't discompassionate simply because they don't love children who are complete strangers and entirely unrelated to them.
EasyHeart Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Asking why they are in this context would be akin to asking "why are men afraid of body art?" if you were someone who, at age 19, had a UPC symbol tattooed right across your forehead.I gotta say, that sounds pretty HAWT. . . .
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