BrokenFool Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Guys need your advice - after breaking my recent 50 day NC I have been told by my ex who I was with for 3 years on and off, that she is with someone else now - dont know if this is true by the way or whether she said this so I would stop contacting her The question is , taking into account that the previous NC did nothing to her, to quote her " i didnt think about him or miss him once in them two months " do i keep trying to persuade her to give us another chance and try explain things to her or assume she IS in a new relationship and let her find out things for herself once the honeymoon period is over ? Any advice or opinions will be greatly appreciated
Thatguyintx Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 NC, NC, NC. You cannot persuade her of anything. She has to feel it herself. Love is not an argument that can be won. (If it was, all of the type A's would still be in a relationship!) Going no contact is to help you get yourself back, not win her back. I feel for you, I know the place you are at. In the big picture, two months is not very much time.
radiodarcy Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 NC, NC, NC. You cannot persuade her of anything. She has to feel it herself. Love is not an argument that can be won. (If it was, all of the type A's would still be in a relationship!) Going no contact is to help you get yourself back, not win her back. I feel for you, I know the place you are at. In the big picture, two months is not very much time. agreed. the more you try to persuade her the more you're going to push her away - - and make yourself feel even worse. (trust me i've been there) do yourself a favor and go NC. you're not doing yourself any favors in holding onto this any longer.
Author BrokenFool Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Guys thanks so much for your advice and deep down in my heart I know it to be true , a friend of mine said to me its not so much as NC didnt work its that I pushed her to early for reconciliation even if that was just talking and she wasnt ready , having a new guy on the scene who may or may not be a rebound will help me in the long run because only then will she realise the problems in our relationship that she contributed to If you havent read my story i was a mug getting dumped 150 times over 3 years for saying the wrong thing or having an opinion she didnt like - the new guy surely wont put up with such behaviour i dont know guys just inside my heart is thinking is this truly the end if i was to text her she wouldnt reply or agree to speak with me will i be that easy to forget ? how long do i give her new relationship before I move on ?
Thatguyintx Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I know you don't want to hear this, but gonna say it anyways. You may never get this relationship back. NC is so you can find yourself as an individual. Once you do that, you will probably find that this relationship wasn't right for you. Or you may find that you both are ready for each other again. But it takes time... Don't force anything. Find out who you are outside of this relationship. Don't worry about what she is doing or if she is thinking about you. It doesn't matter at this point. Worry about you.
Mcnulty Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I think it may be an age thing, but am reading about a lot of people who don't understand NC and refuse to give up even when there's another person involved. I loved my ex with all my heart, but when I found out she had another guy, self preservation and self respect kicked in and I gave up, I forced myself to move on and as the months passed, I thought about her less and less. Even found out she was seeing him behind my back, I hoped karma would get her, but alas it hasn't, but I do not think about her with a sense of revenge, just glad that I had the clarity and sense to move on from her when I did...hope this helps.
Author BrokenFool Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Guys appreciate your advice I am 32 soon to be 33 so no spring chicken who is naive, I realise NC is mainly for yourself and to get yourself back in a emotionally healthy state and anything that happens after that is a benefit I just thought with some time apart she may evaluate where she has been in the wrong aswell , but alas she seems to hate me even more your right though whether their is or isnt a new guy ive heard it from the horses mouth so I have to assume their IS a new man back away for my own sanity and self healing and hope she learns when the same problems kick in and karma bites her on the arse
Layzie89 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Restart NC and this time don't be holding on to any hope that she may come back one day. Finding out your ex has a new boyfriend is a tough one. My ex gf of 1.5 years found a new guy a month after our breakup, and like 25 days into NC for me. Like you, I was broken for a few days. I finally decided to turn things around though. I looked at her hooking up with a new guy as my personal closure that she never had the heart to give me after our breakup. From there, I really felt the positive effects of NC start to happen. Since then i've only gotten closer and closer to indifference. Still, my nights are sometimes hard as night time before I sleep tend to be the time I think about her the most..but it gets easier over time. Stay strong!
Author BrokenFool Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Layzie89 - Thanks for your reply and I completely agree with what you are saying, once they have moved on their is never ever any comeback chance even if they turned up begging and pleading, when they took their heart away from you and gave it to somebody else they lost all chance of ever being your special someone it still hurts though - i thought it hurt me more that 7 weeks ago she admitted she had feelings for me and now aparently she is with somebody else but for you to have found out that she was seeing him behind your back that must have suck all i can say is have faith in the saying what goes around comes around - trust me i have seen it with my own eyes and been part of it , your ex may not get her comeuppance now or in 6 months or you may never even get to hear about it BUT she will get it i promise still hurts like hell that i gave her 3 years of my life and she couldnt even give me one 5 minute conversation allowing me to say goodbye properly - i respected her decision to break up even when told she has somebody else said good luck to you both didnt try persuade her or anything and she couldnt even value me enough to give me a 5 minute phone call
Graceful Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Broken, darling, listen to me, please. Please. Your closure should have come a long time ago in this relationship. You have been treated so badly, abused, unappreciated, uncared for, and basically unloved for the better part of three years, jerked around so badly you seem to have accepted this behavior as a "norm" or almost normal in your relationship. It is not normal, it is unacceptable, and I need you to give yourself a good look in the mirror and ask yourself if you feel this is all you can expect out of a loving relationship in your life? Is this what you think you deserve? It isn't and should not be. I don't care if she is dating a hot guy, a jerk, a sleazebag, or if she is home alone tonight. I don't care who she sees or who she does not see or who she talks to, she is not the right girl for you, and she is toxic for you. Cut her loose, go NC and get yourself into the kind of mental condition you need to be to move on properly to find the right girl who will treat you as special as you deserve. This cannot persist, it's totally dysfunctional. Put yourself first and send her down the chute for good. Please. End it. Guys appreciate your advice I am 32 soon to be 33 so no spring chicken who is naive, I realise NC is mainly for yourself and to get yourself back in a emotionally healthy state and anything that happens after that is a benefit I just thought with some time apart she may evaluate where she has been in the wrong aswell , but alas she seems to hate me even more your right though whether their is or isnt a new guy ive heard it from the horses mouth so I have to assume their IS a new man back away for my own sanity and self healing and hope she learns when the same problems kick in and karma bites her on the arse
depplover_1980 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Broken, you know my feelings on this one and you need to start listening to advice. She is a toxic person and you need to honestly assess your own self esteem issues to keep tolerating this behaviour from her.
Author BrokenFool Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 Graceful - thank you so much for your advice, i dont know if you have read my previous thread entitled was i played ? all i can say is somehow, somewhere she took away my self esteem, i absolutely know this isnt the norm prior to this i had two wonderful 4 year relationships with not one argument with either and mutual breakups and we stayed friends but when the person your with is like this what do you do her : has added some 18 year old on facebook shes 31 starts telling me how he messaged her this and messaged her that and wrote on her facebook etc how he fancies her and how her and her sister have been having a giggle about her having an admirer me: no jealousy whatsoever crack a joke about him watching her from across the street with binoculars, just say babe be careful what you write back to him or how much you write back to him he might construe that as you being interested in him or flirting with him her reaction - me dumped, deleted from facebook, deleted from blackberry messenger, called jealous and possessive, text messages and calls ignored i think it took a weeks begging to make up for this one to be honest she dumped me so much i cant remember what i got dumped for where so i doubt she could so when she acts like this it doesnt trouble me if shes met 5 other guys - hes gotta put up with this and live up to the standards i have set and they arent all mugs like me depp - you know i value and respect your advice massively broke and let myself down today but NC day one from tommorow and I wont ever break it again i promise you guys more importantly i promise myself and if i see her whilst working her town never mind blank her i will run her down in my company car (joke) she honestly has in her head the problem lies with me and i am not the one for her - i think in time she will find with her attitude, insecurities, nobody is going to be the ONE for her
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