Roadlesstaken Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I have been divorced for a little over a year now. My ex husband left me for another woman. The day he moved out of our house he moved in with her. She was also married at the time and had kicked her husband out in order to move mine in. My ex and her are still together. Recently, this woman has been sending me nasty e-mails. When I send e-mails to my ex regarding our child, she responds by calling me nasty names. She recently said that I have to go through her to talk to him about our daughter. I tried to talk to my ex husband about this and was met with silence. I don't understand why he would allow a girlfriend to interfere with the co parenting relationship that he has with me regarding our daughter. I don't want my ex husband back because he is a liar and a cheater. I just don't understand why his girlfriend feels the need to harass me? It doesn't make sense. Thoughts on this?
cmh2002 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 she is probably insecure in her relationship and afraid he is going to cheat on her since he cheated on you..that would be my guess anyway.
willowthewisp Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Are you in the UK? If so there are Haressment laws against this behaviour and you may well be able to get a restraining order put on her. If nothing else it will show her this behaviour is unacceptable. If you are in another country, there are probably similar laws so I would advise you to see a lawyer. You XH is living up to what he has done with this latest round of allowing this to happen. A man who has lied and cheated and now is allowing his child and ex to suffer, he is certainly living up to his name!
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 cmh is probably right about her motivations. As to what to do about it, well I assume your daughter lives with you, and he has access on a regular basis such as every other weekend? What sort of e-mails are you sending to him, is it just to arrange access or more than that? Tell your ex that you will only deal with him directly, and not with her. Use the phone, not email. Don't call him. If she calls you then hang up. If she emails you then delete it and block her address. If he wants access then he will have to get off his arse and arrange it himself.
Author Roadlesstaken Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 The emails that I have sent regard school and after school activities regarding our daughter. I also really think that she is insecure. I guess maybe this happens when a relationship starts when a person is married and is cheating with another married person. I guess the trust isn't there because of the saying "if they will cheat with you then they will cheat on you". She has been married multiple times and from what I have been told she always has affairs before she leaves her husbands. I do know, from this divorce, that a person needs time to heal after a separation and a divorce. I don't think that moving from one house and marriage to the next house and relationship on the same day helps the healing process. I do know that my ex misses our daughter a lot. They had a very close relationship before he left. Another thing is that recently, my ex, seems very angry with me. I have moved on and he has told me that he thinks that all I should do is work and concentrate on raising our daughter. He doesn't think I should date. What can I say, he has some issues within himself that he needs to resolve.
PegNosePete Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I do know that my ex misses our daughter a lot. They had a very close relationship before he left. This is good news. Just refuse to talk to or deal with the woman, tell him that he must deal with you directly regarding your and HIS child. Hopefully he will be prepared to stick up for himself and do the right thing, to keep the good relationship going with her.
yessy21 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Do u want me to go and kick her ass? cause i will. i did that when my ex's girlfriend threatened to kick my daughter in the head. he wasnt allowed to talk to me and he had to drop off sophie with her. when she threatened my kid... i waited for her to come to my house and when she stuck her middle finger out i beat the **** out of her. he stood there and laughed at her. the police came and she was in my property offending me. he comes looking for me often. he also doesnt want me to date. its because he doesnt want anyone else touching u the way he did. do urself a favor... what i did to my ex was... change my number ... move. he took me to child custody and i showed them all the threats on messages and ect... witnesses... and they gave me full custody... and then after that child support. by the way he goes crazy when he doesnt hear from me. he has shown up countless times AT MY HOUSE. asked people for my number. begged to see me. ect... he is not secure and neither is she. she is more in love with him that he might be with her. he is going to get sick of her after a while.
debtman Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I do know, from this divorce, that a person needs time to heal after a separation and a divorce. I don't think that moving from one house and marriage to the next house and relationship on the same day helps the healing process. So true. My W decided our M was over 2 weeks after meeting OM and starting EA. I moved out a week later and, 2 weeks after that her EA became a PA and it was like he had stepped right into my role. You can't fix your own problems by replacing someone else. The "honeymoon" phase of any relationship is easy to live in/through because you don't really "know" the other person, they haven't been around long enough for the cute little quirks to start get annoying. There is no healing process, there is no admission of responsibility, there is no learning or growing... ...he has told me that he thinks that all I should do is work and concentrate on raising our daughter. He doesn't think I should date. Hypocrisy is an incredible thing. The blinders that some people can put on themselves is stunning. Sounds like the two of them are perfect for each other...like my W and OM, both cheaters and liars. Good luck and keep posting.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 What a pair of idiots. Tell the h if he is so concerned about having other people enter the co-parenting realm that maybe he should drop his fool of a girlfriend and concentrate on his daughter and work. That way she can't interfere with the correspondence over your daughter. Two birds, one stone. This behavior is just so disgusting.
Author Roadlesstaken Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Aw yes, it is disgusting behavior. These two individuals are seriously immature. I feel that my ex husband fears me getting remarried because he knows that if I do that my new husband will have a big role in our daughter's life because our daughter lives with me. My ex knows this because his girlfriend has a son whom he helps daily with homework etc. However, unlike my ex, I would never allow a significant other to interfere with my co parenting relationship with him like he allows his girlfriend to do.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 And that's why we don't screw around and chuck our families! Weird... You mean that actions have consequences? Omg! Yeah I would be super-blunt about that going through her email. I would say very point-blank that she stays the Hell out of it or you'll just go no contact completely until he grows a pair and deals with the situation. If he doesn't hear from you in awhile because she us doing some manipulative bull****, he'll either investigate himself (save your incoming and outgoing email) or he'll man up, or he'll just screw off.
2sure Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Sounds like your ex is driving his gf crazy with his concern that you may actually move on and have a happy life of your own. Not that it isnt just deserts but... If she is insisting the communication go through you , basically because she thinks there is more to it, then DO it. After all, your child sees this woman at least part time and may for a long long time. Take the high road. Especially since your ex indicates he has no say in the matter. When she sees you have no problem telling him via her..about after school, schedules, child support ...whatever: She will wonder not what your problem is...but what HIS is. He will continue with his nonsense and not be able to blame you. AND you will demonstrate to both how grown ups act.
tobydog1 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Sounds to me like she is jealous, insecure and that the relationship is on the rocks!!!! Good I am glad it is, I hope it is and I wish you well. Let me know what happens.......cuz 3 months down the line, it will be all changed.... Dx
Author Roadlesstaken Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 Sounds like your ex is driving his gf crazy with his concern that you may actually move on and have a happy life of your own. Not that it isnt just deserts but... If she is insisting the communication go through you , basically because she thinks there is more to it, then DO it. After all, your child sees this woman at least part time and may for a long long time. Take the high road. Especially since your ex indicates he has no say in the matter. When she sees you have no problem telling him via her..about after school, schedules, child support ...whatever: She will wonder not what your problem is...but what HIS is. He will continue with his nonsense and not be able to blame you. AND you will demonstrate to both how grown ups act. This is good advice, but he is the co parent to our child and he needs to be the one to step up to the plate and act like a father. Just because he isn't in our daughter's daily life does not mean that absolves him of his parenting responsibilities.
WorldIsYours Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 This is why people don't have affairs and mess with other's families. Her own husband got kicked out of his own home or he left like most men do? So your ex could move in with her and mess with their kid? How sickening. And now the 304 is worried that your ex will cheat on her. "Someone who cheats with you will cheat on you." Don't worry about those two losers. They don't have anything special. Both are mad because of the condition they put themselves in. He fears another man being a part of your life and his daughter's yet he's putting his filthy hands on another man's child, and messing with someone's ex. Immaturity and hypocrisy at its highest.
BlindRage Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 "Someone who cheats with you will cheat on you." Thats all.
Author Roadlesstaken Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 This is why people don't have affairs and mess with other's families. Her own husband got kicked out of his own home or he left like most men do? So your ex could move in with her and mess with their kid? How sickening. And now the 304 is worried that your ex will cheat on her. "Someone who cheats with you will cheat on you." Don't worry about those two losers. They don't have anything special. Both are mad because of the condition they put themselves in. He fears another man being a part of your life and his daughter's yet he's putting his filthy hands on another man's child, and messing with someone's ex. Immaturity and hypocrisy at its highest. Her ex got served with papers and she had him legally removed from the house by placing an injunction on him. She sent me an email recently that stated that they are going to get married soon. Wow, better her than me because I deserve a better man versus my ex husband who is a liar and a cheater. They both should know that "past behavior is indicative of future behavior" and since they both cheated on spouses it's only a matter of time before one betrays the other.
Recommended Posts