Just please give me something to really change my perpective, so I get thru this

[Iamfeelingsuicidal]

Really. I have stayed home for 3 days. I felt for a mm (a teacher), but he didnt mention he was taken (most do at some point or another), so I found out quite late. I never touched him. But when a friend called him in february, she talked to his wife and when she hung up she went "I am not his mistress!", so then I had or thought I had to call him but couldnt quite explain why: First, this girl didnt give her name (We had never coincided in the same class so I barely know her, so I went ahead and call him partly to identy myself and and partlyI was trying to avoid giving him to show him something that was obviously pass on him even though it was fiction -something with a heart shaped red balloon that said "I love you" and my blond friend with hair done, baby oil all over her body, make up and very few leather clothes and lacey underwear (my clothes!) some trying to imitate madonna erotica uh my friend is gooood, but I ralized it was inapropiate, two other people pointed it out, one actually thought my friend was trying to make a pass on him. But boy it was serious hard work and expensive to put it all together.

 

So my point: his wife followed me around three times, and hit her hand with wedding ring (?) and open thingers against a column repeatedly. I had never met her, actually I had to verify with my friend it was her. She stared at me for halkf an hour at a shop then was there again, then she sat next to me somewhere else and the threaten me badly outside the shop. So I acted out. But I would have never touch him after knwoing he was taken.

 

And now somehow all men that work in my school look at me and laugh, or make jokes that I nervous and two made passes on me and pointed this mans psysical defects and lack of availability $even draw a ring for me to ilustrate it), he tried to find coincidences with me, like first ever published poem dealt the same way I did with flowers in my little essay, blah blah, and twice pointed what a coincidence it was. Well I am not interested. Actually, I wouldnt go for older guys, actually I cant live up to this reputation. I have been crying ever since I learned this man was taken and now I feel like my luck wont ever change. I went to see doctors, to see if my hormones are ok, but she also thought I was depressed, asked if there had been any recent deaths in my family. And I am all tears but Ive been told my problems are not chemical even when I was on antiderpessives. I just dont think Ill get though this I really felt too hard and I truly dont have anyone like family or anything. Just a couple of friends but they are too young. Help me please. Say somthing to me, try to understand what I am saying and give me somethignt o consider I would never think of. I seriously need not to get caught in the downward spiral.

 

I cant talked about it, I would never get involved with someone thats not available, but I cant help my feelings. I want to cut myself to feel the pain in my flesh. It is a totally new desire, but I dont want to either.

[quankanne]

let me get this straight -- you have feelings for a man you didn't realize was married, but now you know that he's married and you don't go after married men, you are depressed because the relationship-to-be just didn't work out. Which is kind of understandable. The other stuff, about your girlfriend working hard to look like a sex-kitten to attract his attention on your behalf, about you "acting out" ... I just don't get. Did those actions thrown you into a funk, on top of realizing the guy you like was married? Not being judgmental, just trying to understand ...

 

now for some words of wisdom, learned the hard way: This will pass. The feelings of being talked about, looked at, judged, even "rejected," will pass. The human heart has a capacity to love and care for others in a grand way, even when some of those times it's a painful process. But you'll get through the pain to come out stronger, to judge more wisely and all that other good stuff.

 

In the meantime, find a counselor on campus, a crisis hotline or someone trustworthy you can pour your heart out to. Part of the grieving process is to work through the rough stuff so that you can heal. Along the way, you come up with a set of truths or guidelines that help you the next time you enter into a relationship.

 

You're going to be fine. You are not the first girl who has gone through this kind of painful experience, nor will you be the last. But, you can be one of the lucky ones who come out a bit wiser and a lot stronger.

 

Good luck ...

[Arabess]

Quank....I see you TOO love Dave-isms. HAHA!

 

Iamfeeling.....

You know what Sweetie...the gossiping and laughing would be much worse if you DIDN'T make the right decision and were continuing to pursue him. This too...shall pass.

 

In the meanwhile, learn to laugh at your own self and not take everything too seriously regarding this situation.

 

If you are really depressed to the point of considering suicide....go call your local crisis center hot line IMMEDIATELY and TALK to someone. These feelings will probably pass quickly....but for now you need a boost in getting past it.

[Iamfeelingsuicidal]

Well, since everybody now knows about it, it is hard for me to face people,

 

Especially because another two men tried to relate with me using that information -like "Guide to get Emily the same way -I think- I did" has been handed to them. Which it too obvious, specially if they bring him up and point out he has this or that physical deffect (Like Hello, if I felt for a guy with them, I obviously didnt give a flying **** about it).

[meanon]

I'd like to help but I found your post a little confusing at some points. Is this man a teacher or tutor at your school? Are you a student? How much contact have you had with him?

 

You have done nothing to be ashamed of, he didn't tell you he was married. You must find someone to talk to about the threats from his wife. It sounds as though they have frightened you badly. She is very unlikely to bother you again.

 

Please see your doctor again to explain you feel like cutting yourself. This is a sign that you just have too much to cope with at the moment - you must not try and face this alone there is help available. Really it doesn't matter if the origin is chemical or not, medication will help in the short term.

 

As soon as you increase your ability to cope by seeing your doctor and talking to someone about what has happened then these feelings of self harm will pass. Please do it quickly.

 

Take care and post again if you feel no better.

[Iamfeelingsuicidal]

No, never touched (except unconsciously pressing my cheek against his for two seconds longer than I should have and twice as hard :-((( Just to get my point across that i didnt touch him and couldnt. Wel the wife thing made me do something very ver stupid and irrational -unrelated to physical contact- because I felt she had been agressive and I had done nothing but since he doesnt know what she did, she is ahead and Im not telling him, not my style.

[meanon]

Do you mind letting us know how old you are? Are you over 18? No need to answer if you don't. What was that stupid thing you did?

 

If other people are making fun of you then report them - this is bullying and must be dealt with. Write a letter if you can't face telling anyone or see the school counsellor.

[Iamfeelingsuicidal]

I am in my twenties. And well. no. reporting it wouldnt work cuz I always lose anyway. Just the way people are, like because you arent responding with same agressiveness they make you look bad. I dont know how to "work" people, I cant stand trying to win someone thats attached and if Im around I still feel the pain running all thru me. Just life. Ill never have anyone. Maybe its this lifetime lesson for me. What did I do, well, 4 days after my last encouter with his wife I did something childish and Im embarrasses to say it, maybe just out of, well dispair and he reacted exactly as I thought. Just knew how he would react right after I did it.

 

Funnily I'm more hopeful at night that you know theres light somewhere that he will make himself available, but then it won't be for me, just because it's not good between them. good enough. I'm not a good catch, I'm just a born loner. Just need to convice myself I don't need anyone. Do you know painful it is to go from total happiness to complete dispair and it is probably all fantasies, but for a second there I thought... I dunno what I was thinking. But if you had something ever even if you lose it it is prolly much better to be my age and having no1 to love you, just a few months. Sometimes, I realize its out of respect of other I dont hurt them, but in a way I wouldnt mind to be hurt if I could be happy for a little while, you know just to get me thru the next few months without feeling completely empty. I need a word, I dont know, even that he threw me a rock on my head.

[meanon]

Some of the things you are thinking are clear symptoms of clinical depression in my view. You must get some help straight away.

 

Do you know painful it is to go from total happiness to complete despair and it is probably all fantasies, but for a second there I thought... I dunno what I was thinking

 

For a second there you hoped you could be happy. Now you are annoyed with yourself for being foolish enough to hope. That's a clear sign that this is more than just a reaction to losing this man.

 

I'm not a good catch, I'm just a born loner

 

No one is a born loser but you will continue to be unhappy as long as you believe this.

 

I wouldn't mind to be hurt if I could be happy for a little while

 

You do not need to be hurt to be loved, it's your experience that has linked the two in your mind. Your reaction to what has happened is not just about him, it's about the fact that you so much don't want to be alone.

 

There's much more going on than losing this man, maybe if you recognise that you'll see that you have the power to sort out many of the things that are making you feel so bad. The first step is getting help, please do it soon

[Notsuicidalnow]

I just copied and pasted that last advice to my mail, just so I cant think about it. It just feels like no matter how somehow, even if I dont want it, it will happen, how do I have this feeling even before I liked him, he will end up with me, am I going crazy? But I don't think it is possible. Coming to think about it, I don't know what I felt that one day when I was still trying to question some guy why he hadnt show up so many times -Yeah, lame. And this man was there waiting for us when we arrived, I figured thats why I felt for him. I had this flash "Now I am going to fall in love with him and I'll end with him". Just lame. I thought he was gay, too. (My friend had informed me he lived with a black man, but she was drunk, like many months later she said he lived with a woman that wasn't white at all (?). Not the same thing.).