I have quit porn, and installed multiple content filters

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Okay, I'm 28, but it's clear that my "addiction" to porn is getting out of control. There's one thing for appreciating feminine beauty, but there's another for treating women as sexual objects FIRST, and not looking at the inner person.

 

I blame pornography. I had exposure to it at a young age (12 years old), and ever since then, I've not had a healthy outlook to love, sex, and relationships. Even now, I can't get hard unless I have a degree of humiliation to my sexual fantasies (facials, cum swallowing, etc), and it's getting to the point where, as a Christian, I'm starting to believe that God hates the man I've become.

 

I have installed multiple content blockers/filters, that filter out "sex" words and etc. It just blocked me from accessing the sex forum on this site, so that's how good it is (I bypassed it and allowed it, btw.) But I think that it's time that I stop seeing women as only sexual objects, and start seeing them as people.

 

I am banning all pornography in this house. If it's something that I wouldn't look at in front of my grandma, it's something I shouldn't look at anyways. It's time to be a man, not a little boy. I am a 28 year old virgin, and I have to worry about getting a date, and forming healthy relationships, rather than spending my time on the computer looking at virtual girls that aren't real.

[dreamingoftigers]

Good for you,

 

If you are addicted to it, don't beat yourself up and cloak yourself in shame if you do slip every now and again, just get back up and try again.

 

Changing one small thing usually has a chain reaction.

 

Many men don't recognize that they have an addiction that is isolating them from having healthy relationships.

 

God doesn't hate you, but he will guide you through this if you keep turning to him.

 

If for whatever reason you are finding it "hopeless" to quit, please feel free to PM me for a list of resources. I have a ton!

 

I quit porn two years ago tomorrow. It has wreaked havoc on my marriage and I never want to see it again.

 

I hope you can avoid any further negative consequences of its presence in your life.

[Eddie Edirol]

If you are replacing porn with the act of obtaining the women you want to have a relationship with, that is a more constructive way of kicking it. otherwise you might just be further frustrating yourself.Since youre a virgin, I hardly think that you will worry about those fetishes once you "get some".

[dreamingoftigers]

Yes definitely quit as part of a larger goal.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Thanks for the support.

 

And yeah, I do think that I'm replacing real life relationships with porn. I figure I can't get a girl that looks that good in RL, so I resort to porn to fill that void.

 

The problem is, virtual sex doesn't make up for real life intimacy.

[Ross PK]

I think most guys think of women as sexual objects first, rather than thinking of what she'd like as a person, it's normal.

[Ross PK]

Thanks for the support.

 

And yeah, I do think that I'm replacing real life relationships with porn. I figure I can't get a girl that looks that good in RL, so I resort to porn to fill that void.

 

The problem is, virtual sex doesn't make up for real life intimacy.

 

But it at least fulfills and satisfies the sexual part of your life to an extent. It's better than nothing.

 

If you can't get a woman, than not even having porn is just going to make you feel even more miserable/sexually frustrated. I know because I've been there.

 

Just enjoy it.

[Ross PK]

Good for you,

 

If you are addicted to it, don't beat yourself up and cloak yourself in shame if you do slip every now and again, just get back up and try again.

 

Changing one small thing usually has a chain reaction.

 

Many men don't recognize that they have an addiction that is isolating them from having healthy relationships.

 

God doesn't hate you, but he will guide you through this if you keep turning to him.

 

If for whatever reason you are finding it "hopeless" to quit, please feel free to PM me for a list of resources. I have a ton!

 

I quit porn two years ago tomorrow. It has wreaked havoc on my marriage and I never want to see it again.

 

I hope you can avoid any further negative consequences of its presence in your life.

 

I never would've imagined you were into porn. That's pretty cool.

Edited March 18, 2011 by Ross PK

[somedude81]

To each his own.

 

Personally I love porn and have a huge collection on an external hard-drive.

 

It's a way for me to get off without having to make up fantasies about having sex with girls I know. Girls that I will most likely never even kiss.

 

Also my sex drive is so high, I can get hard just thinking about making out with girls I'm attracted to.

[tryingtocurerj]

congrats on kicking the habit man =]

[Ross PK]

To each his own.

 

Personally I love porn and have a huge collection on an external hard-drive.

 

It's a way for me to get off without having to make up fantasies about having sex with girls I know. Girls that I will most likely never even kiss.

 

Also my sex drive is so high, I can get hard just thinking about making out with girls I'm attracted to.

 

Exactly, porn is the only way for some of us to be able to connect to women sexually. I've never had to have a degree of humilation, or see anything extreme to get hard. Just thinking about a hot babe who I saw that day can get me hard.

 

I think the OP's problem is Christianity. This religion, amongst many others makes people feel ashamed for just even being a sexual being, and basically warps their outlook on sex in general.

[Els]

Thanks for the support.

 

And yeah, I do think that I'm replacing real life relationships with porn. I figure I can't get a girl that looks that good in RL, so I resort to porn to fill that void.

 

The problem is, virtual sex doesn't make up for real life intimacy.

 

How much time exactly do you spend looking at porn? Judging from your posts I wouldn't have thought that you see women as solely sex objects.

 

Also, as for your bolded, uh, you probably won't. If that is what is causing you to not find any women you like, I heartily agree with you quitting porn. 10" penises on rock hard bodies are simply not the norm IRL, neither are women who look/act like porn stars. However, if you are watching porn to 'fill that void', you need to attack the root instead of just porn. What 'void' is there in you that is requiring a girl to look like a porn star for you to like her? That may well be the reason for all your relationship woes.

[dreamingoftigers]

I never would've imagined you were into porn. That's pretty cool.

 

I was and it became a problem. Two years ago, problem eliminated and then husband's problem with it went nuclear.

 

I hate porn, it left a ****-stain on my life.

 

Sorry, lost my coolness.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I don't view women as solely sex objects, but it's like this.

 

Me and a girl = good for friendship

A girl and someone else and me = porn, good for watching

Me and a girl (romantic sense) = never good

 

I see the porn standing in the way of forming healthy sexual relationships with women. You know, I've discovered that I can't climax to the fantasy of me having sex with someone else? I have to watch the porn, because it's some other guy having sex with her. I never feel good enough.

[Ross PK]

I was and it became a problem. Two years ago, problem eliminated and then husband's problem with it went nuclear.

 

I hate porn, it left a ****-stain on my life.

 

Sorry, lost my coolness.

 

So I take it you were addicted to it?

[Els]

Good luck then. Have you thought about my 'root cause' speculation?

[dreamingoftigers]

I don't view women as solely sex objects, but it's like this.

 

Me and a girl = good for friendship

A girl and someone else and me = porn, good for watching

Me and a girl (romantic sense) = never good

 

I see the porn standing in the way of forming healthy sexual relationships with women. You know, I've discovered that I can't climax to the fantasy of me having sex with someone else? I have to watch the porn, because it's some other guy having sex with her. I never feel good enough.[/QUOTE]

 

Often the key addiction is the masturbation and that being the case putting space between you and forming a relationship with another. Despite what most guys like to think, porn can be used as a relationship/emotional blocker.

 

You may even start getting in touch with feelings of grief or being more uncomfortable. Some men even get a physical "withdrawal" including headaches because they are so used to the elevated levels of dopamine from porn.

 

Luckily your brain (well, everyone's) is neurally plastic, so if you retrain it to orgasm when you feel an emotional connection to someone then you will be just fine.

 

Again if you have a ton of trouble quitting for an extended period of time, PM me.

 

The underlined, just to let you know, is clearly clearly reinforced by pornography and will only to continue to affect your security over time.

 

So I take it you were addicted to it?

 

Yes, I had had a problem with it in my younger years (especially my teens) and then I cold turkeyed it as a Christian at 19 until I got married. Then the switch flipped back on under odd circumstances and it stayed on until I succumbed. I was always honest with my husband about it and felt very very ashamed and he was 'supportive' of me getting through it. Of course, had I known that he had his own issues practically right out the gate, it might've changed things 'a little.'

 

BTW it isn't like either one of us were sitting down a couple times a week to watch it and I am just spazzing out or something. I would lose literal days to it if my husband was out of town. In his case he would avoid sleeping with me altogether and really: it ate his brains, really really far gone.

[starryeyed12]

Wow, LITM, congrats! I think you are on to something by letting go of the porn for a while. If you feel that it's holding you back in life you are probably right. Everyone has a different relationship to sex and porn, but here is another story of how it can really "screw" with you! Internet porn is a relatively new phenomenon so theres no real answer as to whether it's good or bad for relationships overall or how much is too much.

 

Quality of life is what matters. Listen to your inner voice. If it feels guilty or lonely, don't ignore that or cover it up with something else. Ask why? Or how can I make this feel better? What do I want out of life? With the time you spent watching porn, read a book about building self esteem or find a therapist who can help you work through your issues. Good things will come to you when you start feeling good about you.

[cerridwen]

Bravo, Leaning.

 

I was involved with someone whose overuse of porn effected his view of women.

Just like you, he started as a pre-teen.

Now at 30, he's experiencing severe relationship problems relate to it.

 

I admire your willingness to undertake this kind of self-improvement.

 

I understand your concerns as a Christian man, but as I know Him, God loves you unabashedly and this ain't stopping Him.

 

Best to you.

Edited March 21, 2011 by cerridwen

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I backslid.

 

Now I'm trying to catch up. It's extremely hard, in more ways than one. How do you stop getting on porn sites to masturbate, when you have no sexual outlet (aka girlfriend?)

 

I get on porn, because I have no girlfriend. I know it's preventing me from GETTING a girlfriend, but how do I stop the obsession, when it's because I don't have a girlfriend that I get on the porn?

[Ross PK]

Why are you doing this to yourself?

 

I can't see how porn could prevent you from getting a girlfriend. I can see however that denying your only sexual outlet would make it a lot more harder to get a girlfriend, because you're going to be a lot more sexually desperate. And women can smell desperation a mile off, or so I'm told.

Edited March 24, 2011 by Ross PK

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'm doing this, because it's so dangerous to download stuff. You can get child porn by accident, you can get viruses, you can get hacked, you can get your identity stolen.

 

Plus, if a girl came along that didn't fit my "porn star ideal", and I let her go, and she was my soulmate...well, there goes my chance at love.

 

Porn is not bad, I don't think so. And in small quantities, it can be a good thing.

 

However, when you waste 3-4 hours a day looking at porn, that's 3-4 hours you could be producing something other than a bunch of fantasies and sperm. Plus, I've had vision problems lately, and I think it's due to my computer addiction.

 

I just need to get off the computer, and I need to stop wasting time staring at virtual girls, when there's a whole world of girls out there. Same with you, Ross; you said you prefer porn. What, you prefer your hand to a real vagina?

[starryeyed12]

Remember what DreamingOT said about relapses. They happen. If you decide that this is something you seriously want to quit because it is negatively effecting your life then you gotta keep working at it. Take it a day at a time, an hour at a time if you have to. Try to keep busy with other things.

 

If you need it as an outlet for your sexual needs, then maybe you could try just cutting back on it instead of cutting it out cold turkey.

[somedude81]

I backslid.

 

Now I'm trying to catch up. It's extremely hard, in more ways than one. How do you stop getting on porn sites to masturbate, when you have no sexual outlet (aka girlfriend?)

 

I get on porn, because I have no girlfriend. I know it's preventing me from GETTING a girlfriend, but how do I stop the obsession, when it's because I don't have a girlfriend that I get on the porn?

I'd love to hear you explain the bold part.

 

I'm doing this, because it's so dangerous to download stuff. You can get child porn by accident, you can get viruses, you can get hacked, you can get your identity stolen.

All that stuff can also happen if you answer a phishing email or mistype an address and not be aware of what site your are on.

 

I've been using porn over ten years and none of that stuff has happened to me.

 

Plus, if a girl came along that didn't fit my "porn star ideal", and I let her go, and she was my soulmate...well, there goes my chance at love.

Seriously, would you let any girl go?

 

 

However, when you waste 3-4 hours a day looking at porn,

Yeah that's too much.

 

I spend less than 30 minutes a day on porn.

I just need to get off the computer, and I need to stop wasting time staring at virtual girls, when there's a whole world of girls out there. Same with you, Ross; you said you prefer porn. What, you prefer your hand to a real vagina?

Not going to argue with that. Go out there and talk to girls. Read my most recent thread in the dating forum.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I think what I need to do is, instead of cutting it out completely, cutting it down like it's been suggested. Moderation is key.