danrs Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 The not so quick and dirty on my situation: Her: 3 months out of a 2.5yr deal when we met. He cheated on her with 2 other women. Can you say rebound? Me: 5 months out from a FWB deal. No hard feelings, we still talk, but I wanted to move onto something more (a relationship). Dated 3 months. Great stuff. Extremely compatible. Effortless fun, laughs, conversation. Great connection and spark. There was one other involved during the first phases. He went by the wayside. As things progressed, I kept getting the "not ready to commit" thing. Even though she was "looking for a relationship" early on. Said she had to do her own thing for a while, otherwise she feared it would not work out with us if she didn't get it out of her system. Should have bailed then, but did not. She said she "did not understand why she was being this way, and have never been this way before", was "awake at nights torn and not understanding why she's like this now" and "I know I'm blowing it with a great guy, but can't seem to help it now", as well as "she didn't get the attention in the marriage, and liked it now, and also saw age closing in on her (losing her looks, which is bs)". Best friend also told her she was "blowing it with a great guy". Many compliments from her, and very few complaints. Got along great. I exhibited some doormat behavior during. Kept letting her push some limits and cross lines. Couldn't help it, I was in too deep and didn't want to lose this one. But by being the doormat, I fear I caused myself to do exactly that. I was not being overly pushy or needy, or jealous, but did request just "one on one dating" for a while to see where it took us. The other guy involved earlier had me a little insecure, and I think it showed. The attraction was definately there for her, but I feel I started to kill it by being a little insecure and by pushing a little for an exclusive dating situation. She started to look like she was pulling away, but towards the end I thought we were turning a corner. Seemed like we were getting there, but found out the night before her "I need a month to think about things and see if I can commit or not, because I know it has to be all or nothing with you" that she'd just gone out on a couple dates with someone new. I was livid. Bringing someone new into this after 3 months? Long talk that nite and next day. Kept composure. Nothing hurtful said on either side. I was angry, she knew it, but never lost my temper. Next day, the "need some time talk". Walked her to the car, she said "sorry I need the time". I said "not here to push you, take the time". Gave her a passionate kiss, and she was gone. After much reflection, I do feel she is exactly as she says, just mixed up at the moment. I do feel she has a good, but very confused heart. But, a good heart in the absence of truth, integrity, and emotional strength means nothing to me. Immediately went NC (for all of 4 days until she texted). Got a "happy valentines day!!!" text from her. Responded short and upbeat with a "same to you", and a joke about the florists being out. Over the next few weeks, little to no contact. She initiated breadcrumbs 4 or 5 times, and I responded with short, nonchalant responses. I only initiated twice in the same manner. One initiated text was on our deceased father's bday. She responded positively, but not with anything of substance. I knew that would be my last initiated text before I sent it. Important day and didn't feel like playing the game that day, so sent it. Decided to go NC after that day. Two weeks later, zero contact. I did notice last night when I opened up the dating website I knew she'd been on that for the first time since we'd met, she was on it again. I thought "hmmm, must not have worked out with the "grass is greener guy after all. I may be getting a text soon". Well, today I did in fact. "Happy St. Patrick's day!! I'm wearing the Packer shirt you got me". Ok, so more substance than her other initiated texts, but still a breadcrumb text. I can't see her now. Too much bitterness still, and I won't be the fallback position for her. But I had kept the communication open because I wasn't sure how I'd feel a few months down the line. Still don't. But do know I can't slam the door completely just yet, even if maybe she needs to think I have. I want her to work through her issues, and if I'm still around, maybe then we can talk. I feel it's time to stand up for myself and not respond to the latest breadcrumb, and get some self respect back, as well as some respect from her. We have never had a blowout argument or angry words, and I never said I was going NC. I did tell her I'd not be her friend when we had the talk. Thoughts? My initial thought is to ignore this one, and wait to see if something more substantial ever comes. If it doesn't, she's not trying hard enough for me to want to even consider giving her another chance. As it is, I must appear too willing to hang on for breadcrumbs and be the backburner guy. Just not sure what I want to do once I've gotten past the issues for myself (may take a while) and I'd hate to kill the possibility of something in the future by closing down lines of communication by not responding.
BlindRage Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 All she wants is validation from you. She just wants to know that she does still has an effect on you. Power greedy
lawwal Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Haha I'm in a similar spot. She throws out so many breadcrumbs which makes you wonder whether or not she might be looking to reconcile. I'm doing LC/NC which is definitely irritating her. I hope I don't miss that window either by being too distant.
Recommended Posts