sugarlumps Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I've known this girl for a little over a year. During that time we've done several plays together, including one now. At first I thought she was nice and all, but now I'm beginning to become attracted to her. She's incredibly cute, smart, and very sweet. I'd say we're friends but not incredibly close friends. I'll see her at rehearsals and bump into her randomly sometimes. When that happens we'll usually get lunch or something. We've never done anything together planned, though. I get the vibe that she's a little awkward and shy around guys, based on I've gathered from our mutual friends. That doesn't bother me at all, but it makes her a little more difficult to read. I want to ask her out, but I don't want to make things awkward between us if she refuses, as I'm going to continue to do work with her in the future. She definitely likes me to some extent and is always happy to see me when I run into her, but I don't know if she's just being friendly. Should I just go for it and ask her to see a movie or something?
somedude81 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 There's only one way to find out. Though don't be surprised if you are already friendzoned.
Lilmisus Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Wait until after the play is over, and just ask her out.
Author sugarlumps Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Though don't be surprised if you are already friendzoned. What does that mean?
Lilmisus Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 What does that mean? That you are labeled as "friend" to her, with little to no chance of her seeing you as potential dating material. Kind of like "Aww, but I love you like a brother, not as a lover!"
Teknoe Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Yeah, it's possible you've already been friend zoned. Ask her out after the play. KEEP IT SHORT AND LIGHT. Something like "Hey Amber, Great job! We did it, haha. Hey, wanna grab dinner or catch a movie sometime?" Done. Go for it. If she's indifferent or meh, forget it ever happened and continue being friends. She never has to know you like her if she doesn't feel you the same way.
Author sugarlumps Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Ah, ok. I understand that concept, but I don't think that would be the case. I don't really know this girl that well, I've just picked up bits over the past year little by little. I was also seeing someone else during most of that time so I wasn't thinking of her as someone to go out with. If I hung out with her all the time and was kind of like one of her girlfriends, then yes, I don't think she would see me in a romantic way.
Knittress Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Yeah, it's possible you've already been friend zoned. Ask her out after the play. KEEP IT SHORT AND LIGHT. Something like "Hey Amber, Great job! We did it, haha. Hey, wanna grab dinner or catch a movie sometime?" Done. Go for it. If she's indifferent or meh, forget it ever happened and continue being friends. She never has to know you like her if she doesn't feel you the same way. Eh. Well. That's the totally NORMAL way to go about things, but this type of girl might not even pick up on it. At certain points in my life if a guy said this to me, I'd suspect it was just an empty social formula like 'how are you' as a greeting. Yes, I'm dense. What I'm saying is that she might be too.
Eeyore79 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I'm pretty dense too; if someone said that to me I'd assume they were offering to be friends, particularly because they weren't explicitly saying it's a date or offering a definite time/place to actually do something together. I'd much prefer it if someone took me aside and said they thought I was really nice and attractive, and would I like to go on a date to the movies this Saturday. Then I'm clear that it's a date, and a definite time/place has been set; it's not some ambiguous kind of thing where I have to guess what the person wants, and all I have to do is say yes or no.
Author sugarlumps Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 I'm going to do something soon, maybe tomorrow night. I've spent the last 4 nights at rehearsals with this girl, and all I can say is I'm becoming more and more fond of her all the time. It's weird...I've known her for over a year and I always thought she was kinda cute and sweet but didn't care to do anything that much. But something clicked recently and I'm more attracted to her than I ever would have thought. She's a very sweet and friendly girl, but as I said she seems very shy about dating guys. She's not the flirty type at all, so it's hard to gauge if she's only being friendly or might mean more by her interactions with me. I know that she at least enjoys being around me and I make her laugh a lot. I've got a pretty good idea of where to take this, and I'll probably start with it tomorrow. And as far as declaring it a date, I don't think that's necessary. I think it's better to just start spending more time with each other by ourselves and see if anything happens naturally.
blackmagik Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I think it's better to just start spending more time with each other by ourselves and see if anything happens naturally. Its like you are asking to get friendzoned. Ask her on a proper date. If you have already gone out as friends she will consider your moves purely friendly and you wont stand a chance at her looking at you in the light of being boyfriend material. When you ask her out on a date it starts turning the wheels for you and if she is interested in you in that capacity then she will go for it. If not you can still be friends and chill.
Teknoe Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I'm going to do something soon, maybe tomorrow night. I've spent the last 4 nights at rehearsals with this girl, and all I can say is I'm becoming more and more fond of her all the time. It's weird...I've known her for over a year and I always thought she was kinda cute and sweet but didn't care to do anything that much. But something clicked recently and I'm more attracted to her than I ever would have thought. She's a very sweet and friendly girl, but as I said she seems very shy about dating guys. She's not the flirty type at all, so it's hard to gauge if she's only being friendly or might mean more by her interactions with me. I know that she at least enjoys being around me and I make her laugh a lot. I've got a pretty good idea of where to take this, and I'll probably start with it tomorrow. And as far as declaring it a date, I don't think that's necessary. I think it's better to just start spending more time with each other by ourselves and see if anything happens naturally. I just have a bad feeling/vibe about this. Are you sure, man? At least wait until AFTER the final performance. It's easy to get wrapped up in someone esp. after 4 straight productive rehearsals. Trust me, I know. (I minored in Theatre in college and know how much acting brings and bonds different ppl together). I wish you the best, report back but honestly, I just have a bad feeling about this. But do whatever you gotta do!
Author sugarlumps Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 Its like you are asking to get friendzoned. Ask her on a proper date. If you have already gone out as friends she will consider your moves purely friendly and you wont stand a chance at her looking at you in the light of being boyfriend material. When you ask her out on a date it starts turning the wheels for you and if she is interested in you in that capacity then she will go for it. If not you can still be friends and chill. I understand where you're coming from with the friends thing, and I think that's definitely true with a lot of women - they have a clear separation between friends and guys they'll date. I've known girls like this in the past and I wouldn't have done what I'm thinking of doing. Not all girls are the same, though. Some girls will only go out with a guy if they are friends first. I have a number of female friends that I know this to be true for. It's not being made "just friends" forever, it's taking things really slow and giving things time to develop. Also keep in mind that this is college. Out in the real world I would imagine things are different, where it's more common to declare something is a date. Here I feel like things are more blurry, where you can just hang out and have it lead to something more than friends. So, bottom line is girls are different, and with this one I feel like it would be worth it to just spend some time with her alone first instead of declaring anything a date. I just have a bad feeling/vibe about this. Are you sure, man? At least wait until AFTER the final performance. It's easy to get wrapped up in someone esp. after 4 straight productive rehearsals. Trust me, I know. (I minored in Theatre in college and know how much acting brings and bonds different ppl together). I wish you the best, report back but honestly, I just have a bad feeling about this. But do whatever you gotta do! Be more optimistic for my sake man! Honestly, what's the worst that can happen? She's not interested - I move on. I've done it before and can do it again. I know what you mean about acting bring people together, and it's happened to me in the past, but those were just flings. This feels different for me. I've done a lot of work with this girl in the past and I feel like it took all that time for me to really get to like her. You could even say that I thought of her as "just a friend" for a while, because a year ago I probably wouldn't have wanted to go out with her. My feelings have clearly changed. It takes a long time to learn how unique someone is, and once you have that feeling it's a lot stronger than raw attraction. It's not really about sex, but more about being very intrigued by someone and wanting to know more.
blackmagik Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 As a man your job is to make sure the lines aren't blurry and confusing for the lady.
Teknoe Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Be more optimistic for my sake man! Honestly, what's the worst that can happen? She's not interested - I move on. I've done it before and can do it again. I know what you mean about acting bring people together, and it's happened to me in the past, but those were just flings. This feels different for me. I've done a lot of work with this girl in the past and I feel like it took all that time for me to really get to like her. You could even say that I thought of her as "just a friend" for a while, because a year ago I probably wouldn't have wanted to go out with her. My feelings have clearly changed. It takes a long time to learn how unique someone is, and once you have that feeling it's a lot stronger than raw attraction. It's not really about sex, but more about being very intrigued by someone and wanting to know more. SL, I am a naturally optimistic guy, believe you me. But I also try to remain realistic. I've been in your shoes more times than I count, and the next girl I always say to myself "I JUST FEEL/KNOW SHE'S DIFFERENT THAN THOSE OTHER PAST GIRLS!" Next thing I know, I'm crushed, but I have no one to blame except me, my harmones and my sappy romantic comedy imagination that if I just showed her how nice and what a good guy I am and if I told her I like her, she'll drop everything and reciprocrate. Again, all the best, but I highly urge you to wait until after the final show. As a man your job is to make sure the lines aren't blurry and confusing for the lady. Agreed. I think this is a sign that a man is ready to lead a serious relationship that moves toward marriage. Obviously, our college young buck SL there is still maturing. When a guy feels like he has to blur the lines and hopes the night goes well where it "can lead to more" (SL's exact words) that just tells me he's not ready for a serious relationship, no offense intended SL. Real men size up their targets, and move in at the right time with the right actions. They don't blur the lines hoping she'll fall or that the night leads to more. I know it's hard to grasp now, because you're so young and "in love" but wait until you're about 27... you'll look back and go "man, I wished I listened to that Teknoe guy on loveshack all those years ago." If you receive my meaning.
blackmagik Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Agreed. I think this is a sign that a man is ready to lead a serious relationship that moves toward marriage. Obviously, our college young buck SL there is still maturing. When a guy feels like he has to blur the lines and hopes the night goes well where it "can lead to more" (SL's exact words) that just tells me he's not ready for a serious relationship, no offense intended SL. Real men size up their targets, and move in at the right time with the right actions. They don't blur the lines hoping she'll fall or that the night leads to more. I know it's hard to grasp now, because you're so young and "in love" but wait until you're about 27... you'll look back and go "man, I wished I listened to that Teknoe guy on loveshack all those years ago." If you receive my meaning. Agreed. "waiting to see what happens" will led to "I wonder if" which will lead to "she is a good friend, oh look she is dating billy from calculus". Now when you want to actually date this girl. Setup a proper date and let the sparks fly if they are there.
Thedude22 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 You're only casual friends and she doesn't sound like she's a knockout so I'd say you'd have a very great chance of success. You're call if you want to wait until you're done working with her, honestly though dating somebody you work with's awkwardness level is overrated. Just go for it.
Author sugarlumps Posted March 27, 2011 Author Posted March 27, 2011 You guys are right. I'm gonna ask her out when the show is over. We've already known each other for long enough and I don't know why I thought prolonging that would do anything. It's gotta be a date or nothing at all.
Recommended Posts