deebeechrisyo Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 So, for the past 5 months or so I have been dating with the goal of finding a long-term girlfriend. Up to today, this has been a slow walk down a depressing road. The relationships usually go as follows: meet a girl, take her out a few times, have sex for a while, and then 2 or 3 weeks after we start dating I get the "I don't think this is working out" text. Yes, EVERY SINGLE breakup has been done through texting. I can't imagine I'm THAT bad at sex Although the good news is I'm always a "really cool guy and an awesome friend", haha. Yes, the friend part irked me too but I mean, were having sex a lot so I don't see how I was friend-zoned during this time. Maybe I'm too nice? Maybe I'm getting involved with the wrong girls? I'm putting the blame on myself with this last girl (she actually broke up with me today), as I was friends with her while she was in a LDR. She broke up with him the night we got together. That was probably a bad idea on my part. My friends all think I'm some awesome pimp because I'm having sex with lots of girls and then getting rid of them in a few weeks, but I feel completely worthless. I don't care about having sex with lots of girls, I want a girlfriend I can love and make happy. So what am I doing wrong? Girls usually don't get bored after only a few weeks, especially if there is sex involved, right? This can't be just a coincidence and I've gone through this enough with a variety of girls. Thanks for your advice!
PelicanPete Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 It could be because you are having sex with them too early in the relationship. They might look at it as you don't want a serious relationship and you're just looking for something short term and fun. For the next girl you meet I would suggest you show her how you feel about her without having sex for the first little while. Really take an interest in who she is and what she is doing. Little things like this really go a long way, kissing and even holding hands can be very powerful and intimate. If she is the one that asks for sex and it is too early, just say you want to get to know her better first. Yes it can be hard, but if she is looking for a long term relationship she would really admire and respect that.
betterdeal Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I want a girlfriend I can love and make happy. I think this might reveal more about why they're rejecting you. I may be wrong, but the idea that you make them happy could be that you're trying too hard to please them. This can actually come across as one dimensional or a bit needy, and it is in a way.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Yep, they are supposed to work for your affection, if you dont give them the challenge they get bored. Its a total turnoff if you are offering too much too soon. You only offer little bits at a time. There could be tons of reasons why these girls think youre too nice and youre turning them off. The usual suspects are: Trying to spend too much time not letting them miss you bieng too happy to see them buying them gifts too soon trying to be too agreeable trying to make them like you more offering them any kind of favors that take alot of work telling them how great they are too soon if youre not sure why these are a problem, you will be in trouble for a while. Do you do any of these? Can you at least remember what you have been doing that could be turning these girls off?
Author deebeechrisyo Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Yep, they are supposed to work for your affection, if you dont give them the challenge they get bored. Its a total turnoff if you are offering too much too soon. You only offer little bits at a time. There could be tons of reasons why these girls think youre too nice and youre turning them off. The usual suspects are: Trying to spend too much time not letting them miss you bieng too happy to see them buying them gifts too soon trying to be too agreeable trying to make them like you more offering them any kind of favors that take alot of work telling them how great they are too soon if youre not sure why these are a problem, you will be in trouble for a while. Do you do any of these? Can you at least remember what you have been doing that could be turning these girls off? Thanks for the reply. I know all about the mystical attraction to aloofness and that's pretty much the way I am normally (I'm busy in general and don't really need constant reassurance from a girl). With this last one we might have spent too much time together too soon, I can see that. But it was only the first 4 days of the relationship, I don't see how that would ruin it at such an early stage and a short time. I've done the whole game playing thing this past year and I hated it. I have to say it worked though, but I didn't like the girls that responded to it. I'm not so thickheaded to agree with PUA's where ALL girls respond to it, so I'm trying to hold out to find a girl who I don't need to game to keep. Maybe this is a suicide mission. What it comes down to is I'm simply a nice person by nature. I don't treat people well to get them to like me, I do it because it makes me feel good. Being an ******* and manipulating women to get what I want, well, I don't feel good doing that so if I did get a woman through that method I would probably feel worse than I do now.
Author deebeechrisyo Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 I think this might reveal more about why they're rejecting you. I may be wrong, but the idea that you make them happy could be that you're trying too hard to please them. This can actually come across as one dimensional or a bit needy, and it is in a way. I didn't mean that I wanted some damaged goods to rescue and act as her savior, I just want her to think "hey this guy is really great, he makes me happy!". I think that is true for any relationship. Unless the guy is a complete sociopath, he's not going to feel good if his girl is thinking "this guy is such a douche and I hate... but I can't stop thinking about him!". I might take your advice in the future though, and just do my thing. If the girl likes it, she likes it. If not well too bad.
Author deebeechrisyo Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 It could be because you are having sex with them too early in the relationship. They might look at it as you don't want a serious relationship and you're just looking for something short term and fun. For the next girl you meet I would suggest you show her how you feel about her without having sex for the first little while. Really take an interest in who she is and what she is doing. Little things like this really go a long way, kissing and even holding hands can be very powerful and intimate. If she is the one that asks for sex and it is too early, just say you want to get to know her better first. Yes it can be hard, but if she is looking for a long term relationship she would really admire and respect that. I don't think it's that. If you wait a while to have sex, you are done with the worst case scenario of her telling her friends you are gay. I have never dated a girl who wanted to wait, nor have any of my friends. If they ask you and you say no, you aren't getting a returned call again.
PelicanPete Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I don't think it's that. If you wait a while to have sex, you are done with the worst case scenario of her telling her friends you are gay. I have never dated a girl who wanted to wait, nor have any of my friends. If they ask you and you say no, you aren't getting a returned call again. I'm not saying wait til you are married or anything, just not within the first few weeks of a relationship. Sex always changes a relationship, and if it is true about what you said about saying no, then maybe it is the girls that you are dating. They can't be very interested in getting to know you better as a person let alone a long term relationship.
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