paddington bear Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Met a guy on a date from dating site a couple of days ago. We got on well, laughed, chatted, both pretty easy to talk to type of people. He leaned in and kissed me at the end of the night and.... Nothing. I kind of watched myself outside myself 'oh look at you, kissing some guy'. Totally detached. The kissing was good too, technically, so to speak. And, he seems like a lovely guy, he wants me, he's kept in touch since and so on. He's attractive and just a decent person and funny as well. So there is no reason for their not to be a spark. But I just didn't feel any of those whooshy butterfly feelings or any excitement to hear from him again, which is not good. And I wish I did feel them, because he's a lovely guy. Is meeting him again (to see what develops) leading him on? Because I don't want to do that to someone. Yet I'm thinking perhaps (since this was an internet date and basically a complete stranger) that when I know him a little better more attraction or chemistry would develop. Does a spark develop over say 3 dates, or if it is not there on day one, you will never get it?
grecian Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I met my guy on online dating service as well. I've had some ok dates before meeting him but i didn't feel any connection with any of those guys. When I met the guy i fell in love with, i felt an instant connection right on the first date. We didn't kiss on the first date (that happened on the date no2) but we were both so happy we met each other and we've been talking every day since that first date. I never felt like this before; there was a feeling like i've known him for a long time, was very comfortable with him and had great chemistry. I think that's what you would call a "spark". Based on past experience, i believe that you just have to have that "gut feeling" right from the beginning. If you don't, he most probably, is not a good match for you.
Fondue Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I can't help answer your question... But I simply don't understand this obsession with chemistry/sparks/etc. As a guy, I never thought about it, and neither do my friends. Either you enjoy the person or you don't. I'm not sure if this "magic" exists, or maybe men can't feel it. I just feel like many women try to make their life as much as possible resemble some romantic comedy at times...
welikeincrowds Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I've had spark develop before. For me, three dates is a good window for allowing myself to be on the fence "chemically". If I'm still unsure by that point, then I concede that I will never be sure. I've heard it said on this board that if you don't feel the chemistry right away, it does not bode well. That sounds like the makings of a horse**** theory to me, but I can't say for certain, because all of my slower-to-ignite relationships relationships have been, essentially, failures
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 For me, strong spark is over-rated. Whenever I felt it I have lost all common sense, overlooked red flags, made excuses for everything and eventually suffered immense heartbreak. I am more mature now and I look for personality compatibility the most. There has to be a bit of attraction there, but I am happy to be without OMFG crazy attraction.
Imajerk17 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I can't help answer your question... But I simply don't understand this obsession with chemistry/sparks/etc. As a guy, I never thought about it, and neither do my friends. Either you enjoy the person or you don't. I'm not sure if this "magic" exists, or maybe men can't feel it. I just feel like many women try to make their life as much as possible resemble some romantic comedy at times... My thoughts exactly.
Cee Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I don't feel sparks anymore. It strikes me as a self-absorbed concept even though it's talked about as a "connection." However, I do feel present when I'm with my guy. I savor each moment as best I can, but I'm not feeling an emotional roller coaster. Being outside yourself when kissing is not a good sign. You aren't allowing yourself to be in the moment. Perhaps in time, you will open to him. Or, not. No harm in giving it a bit of time.
elastica Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Is meeting him again (to see what develops) leading him on? No, I don't think it is leading him on. First dates are weird for obvious reasons. First kisses as well. People are nervous, tipsy, or feel awkward for different reasons. When I was dating, I did go to 2nd and 3rd dates with men when I wasn't sure about being attracted to them. In fact, this is how I got together with my BF. After our 1st date I was feeling exactly the way you feel now. Later I realized how amazing he was, and of course on our 2nd date we were more relaxed and opened up to each other. But, I have been in the opposite sutuation as well. I went out with this perfect guy, he was absolutely georgeous, funny, intelligent, and hot! When I got home that night I felt absolutely in love... But the 2nd and 3rd dates were boring and I think we both realized we were not meant to be.
waynesworld Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Do you find him physically attractive? The fact that you felt nothing at all from that kiss is not a good sign.
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