Eternal Sunshine Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Let me run this past you. I spent last night with my bf and things went really well. He asked to see me today and have dinner with his best friend and his gf. Keep in mind that he sprang this plans on me last minute (yesterday). I already made plans to have a girls night tonight and wanted to stick to my plans as I don't want to change them for a guy like I did in the past. I told him this and apparently his friend gave him advice that I must not like him (my bf) very much if I am prioritizing my friends over him. So basically his best friend already doesn't like me before we have even met!!! Geez, didn't think this was a big deal at all - especially since I am spending both Saturday and possibly Sunday with the bf. What do you think?
oaks Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 What do you think? You already had plans. His invitation came too late. Sucks to be him.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 You already had plans. His invitation came too late. Sucks to be him. His best friend is a psychologist... so he is now filling his head with crap that I am using "delaying tactics" and what not
sally4sara Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Well his friend should let him manage his own dating life because what he finds appealing isn't necessarily what his friend should or will find appealing. But is there some truth to it? Don't you also have a thread about cornering guys who do the fade on you about why they faded? Whats the point of this if you ALREADY HAVE A BF?
Eddie Edirol Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Explain to him that if you keep cancelling plans with your friends that you eventually wont have any friends left. He has to understand that, especially when you spend more time with him. Tell him he also has to understand that his friends are taking it personal that you had plans already, which they shouldnt. If he cant be understanding of that, then you have a possessive guy on your hands. Also might want to tell him that if his friends are trying to sabotage this new relationship already, you dont want to meet them.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 That was before I had a bf. This is a very recent development. We have only dated for a few weeks - he asked me to be his gf last night.
FryFish Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Yes... tell him you dont want to meet his friends. Hope you enjoy girls nights and being single.
depplover_1980 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Tell your bf his friend is an interferring knobber, then meet your friends and enjoy yourself. I would definately leave that FB status for a while!
iJester Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Tell him he can take what you say at face value or he can choose to take his friend's advice, who has never met you. Then say something along the lines of, "It's very early for you to be doubting me like this, did we move into an official relationship too fast? Maybe we should take a step back." That will shut him up.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 I am going to talk about this with him in person tomorrow. Basically, I am more than happy to put a night aside to meet his friends, it's just that he needs to give me more than one day notice. I don't think that I am being unreasonable.
tigressA Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Explain to him that if you keep cancelling plans with your friends that you eventually wont have any friends left. He has to understand that, especially when you spend more time with him. Tell him he also has to understand that his friends are taking it personal that you had plans already, which they shouldnt. If he cant be understanding of that, then you have a possessive guy on your hands. Also might want to tell him that if his friends are trying to sabotage this new relationship already, you dont want to meet them. This. Before BF and I were "official" I went on a weekend away to see a friend. I told him about it and he was a bit bummed because he wanted to see me then. I told him I had already made plans and I wasn't going to leave my friend hanging. I did call him when I got to my destination, called him when I was on my way back home, and we got together then. When you're out with your friends, just send him a text or two, reassure him that you're looking forward to when you see each other again. He'll be fine.
amymarieca Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 If having you meet his friends was that important to him, he would have given you more notice. This sounds like the first dose of someone who is manipulative and controlling. I'd take it as a sign to get out of this fast!
Woggle Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 You already made plans and you can meet his friends another day. It sounds like he has the male version of one of those manhating friends who try to sabotage relationships.
oaks Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 His best friend is a psychologist... so he is now filling his head with crap that I am using "delaying tactics" and what not When you do meet this best friend, make sure you tell him that he's being a dick.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 You already made plans and you can meet his friends another day. It sounds like he has the male version of one of those manhating friends who try to sabotage relationships. Yes. For some reason, he highly respects this friend and his opinion. He was actually fine when I told him about the girls night yesterday. It's only this morning AFTER he talked to his friend that he got a bit weird about it. I can only imagine what actually meeting this friend will be like.....
Imajerk17 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Let me run this past you. I spent last night with my bf and things went really well. He asked to see me today and have dinner with his best friend and his gf. Keep in mind that he sprang this plans on me last minute (yesterday). I already made plans to have a girls night tonight and wanted to stick to my plans as I don't want to change them for a guy like I did in the past. I told him this and apparently his friend gave him advice that I must not like him (my bf) very much if I am prioritizing my friends over him. So basically his best friend already doesn't like me before we have even met!!! Geez, didn't think this was a big deal at all - especially since I am spending both Saturday and possibly Sunday with the bf. What do you think? You aren't responsible for someone else's bad advice! You had already had plans and you are seeing your boyfriend 3x this week (the other night and this weekend). You did the right thing by sticking to your plans.
USCGAviator Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I would have a little talk with the bf. Sounds like hes a bit insecure.
Knittress Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Ew. Clingy. His sex appeal just dropped half a million points. I'd be wary of someone like this - he evidently seems to feel that your life/time is less important than his.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 The worst part is that I actually suggested Saturday night as an alternative to meeting his friend. His friend rejected Sat and said that I am using "delaying tactics". I don't even know what he means by it. WTF delaying by one day for legit reason???? I seriously hate it when those inexperienced psychologists that are over-confident (his friend just got his first job few months ago) try to psychoanalyze you (without ever having interacted with you in any way) and get it all wrong.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Yeah, his friend sounds like a controlling dick. If he can't be happy for your boyfriend, that's his problem. Hopefully your boyfriend will be aware enough not to let his stupid friend stir up some drama.
betterdeal Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Just stick to your plan. Go out with your friends and ignore this crap.
Ms. Joolie Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 "I already made plans to have a girls night tonight." If that is all you said and you are sticking to it, good for you. I wonder what he heard though... rejection? A wild girls night? Maybe you can ask him about that, find out his thoughts and just help him feel better.
Mensha Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 i have a psychologist friend just like this. You can't deal with him like most other people. He has come to believe that he understand exactly how the brain works. This is a problem with psychologists because this science is so new. less then 100 years or professional research. Dont try to reason with this guy. Just deal with this stupid "tactics" he brings up and ignore him. He wont bite, he'll just spatter bull**** to try to scare you and your b/f. Hes probably not a bad guy, just confused with himself. Hes more afraid of how his brain is working than anyone else around him. When it comes to your bf. You dont want to tell him this stuff. You just want to be understanding. Unless hes going to break up with you over it, its not worth starting a fight over. Be the strong person knowing that his psychologist friends is more likely the one who really is unhappy.
mtber75 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Another one of the controlling partner threads. Yeah, you need some girls night out and if he can't accept this move on to another before you end up married. Being married to a controlling spouse really sucks!
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