What if the girl you were dating was already married,but to get her green card

[chop246]

She lied to me..made me feel like she was my GF.Eventually She cut me off from any kind of Intimacy. then she hit me with the fact she was married.

[Happy Finally]

Well, other than she lied to you I would be more worried about associating with a criminal. Marriage fraud to obtain citizenship is a felony.

 

But that is separate from the fact that your feelings are hurt. I would do one of two things:

 

1. Just walk away (easier said by someone not involved with her). Emotional attachments are there but this is just crazy and you need to avoid getting involved with a possible felon (and one that could get deported).

 

2. You have feelings for this woman or you wouldn't be here. You need to sit down with her and ask her why she lied and then all of a sudden she came clean. Did her H find out? Does she want out of the M but is afraid of being deported?

 

But I would go with option 1.

[chop246]

He knows about me.She always told him I was her friend.She and I ended up being best friends.I would always help her with getting him back.All though I really wanted her to be with me.We have known each other for over a year.I have been there for her for just about everything.Sometimes I felt like a doormat.I have always told her how I felt about her.She would not want to talk about it and told me I was being stupid.I also know she has a lot of guy friends.Sometimes I think or actually known her to be an escort.

[Happy Finally]

He knows about me.She always told him I was her friend.She and I ended up being best friends.I would always help her with getting him back.All though I really wanted her to be with me.We have known each other for over a year.I have been there for her for just about everything.Sometimes I felt like a doormat.I have always told her how I felt about her.She would not want to talk about it and told me I was being stupid.I also know she has a lot of guy friends.Sometimes I think or actually known her to be an escort.

 

Hmm, being ex-military I have received numerous hours of training on human trafficking. Have you considered that this might be the case here? She is married for a green card, her husband knows everything, she is an escort, she associates with numerous other men. There are a lot of signs that point to human trafficking here. Not all human trafficking cases involve physical abuse. She very could well be controlled not just by her H...he could just be the handler. HT has evolved and it is highly different in the U.S than it is in other countries. Other countries the woman are treated worse (sad to say). HT'rs know that in the U.S bruised and battered woman draw attention as do drug addicts and other "alternative" lifestyle choices. It is easier in the U.S to pose as something that is more acceptable. She may have kids or family members....

 

I could be off base here and probably am but I am just saying I would open your eyes and try to see what is behind the curtain. HT is very common, more common than most people think.

[jthorne]

She lied to me..made me feel like she was my GF.Eventually She cut me off from any kind of Intimacy. then she hit me with the fact she was married.

It's good that you found out now. A person who would use another person simply for a greencard, isn't a person of character- it's a user, and she would use you too. Obviously did.

[chop246]

I know ther is nothing to do with HT.I think she is just a manipulater.She is from Russia.We stopped communicating for 6 moths because I couldn't handle her lies.I saught therapy for this.I was so hurt.Then this September Her BF/H called me because they were fighting about something she claimed I said or showed her.Next thing I know she and I are talking again.A week later she asked me to be her co-sponsor..I did.She was pretty touchy feely with me for about 3 weeks.Then she cut me off..Then after thier first INS interview.It's like our friendship just stopped.It lasted for about 6 months.Now she calls or sees me periodically.

[Happy Finally]

Well then it sounds like she just used you to push along and make her marriage seem more real for INS.

[East7]

Chop, you are really obsessed dude

 

Lots of folks have already told you that you are being used by a professional wh0re in the Dating board, why do you think it is going to be different here ?

 

She has walked all over you already, took you money and legal sponsoring and you haven't even facked her ...And you are still talking with her?

What's wrong with you dude ?

 

I'm sorry to be harsh, but if I was your brother or friend I would shake you with both hands.

[Happy Finally]

Chop, you are really obsessed dude

 

Lots of folks have already told you that you are being used by a professional wh0re in the Dating board, why do you think it is going to be different here ?

 

She has walked all over you already, took you money and legal sponsoring and you haven't even facked her ...And you are still talking with her?

What's wrong with you dude ?

 

I'm sorry to be harsh, but if I was your brother or friend I would shake you with both hands.

 

Three times just for good measure!!!!

[chop246]

I am obsessed..I bothers the hell out of me to think that I was so blind to let someone use me like this.I was always there for her.It's like last night I told her I missed her a little(Stupid I know).She didn't respond.I have been with her when guys she barely knew,she would tell she missed.Like the time she accidentlly sent me a text saying she missed this guy.Someone she met once!! She called him santa..He's this 50 yr old divorced guy..who apparently gives her money.I just can't get her out of my head.I try not to call and yeah I answer when she does,but she blew my phone up the other day.And wanted to see me for 3 days straight.I should ignore her,but I can't.I just want to know how others would act in this situation.I am so fackin confused and hurt,not only by what she is doing,but what I have done to myself.

[East7]

That's because probably you are not very experienced with girls and you haven't anyone else to show you interest so you cling to her. If you had a honest and lovely girl around you that shows you some interest, you'd easily forget this b**tch.

I suggest to go out see friends, talk about your problem, it does a lot of good. Either way, instead of the time and money you waste with her, invest in some counseling to see why are you clinging to this heavily abusive relationship.

[chop246]

I am actually very experienced in women.About 2 years ago I broke up with my GF of 12years.i was miserable for the last 10.I left her 5 years into the relationship,because she was an alchoholic and cheated on me several times.I actually left her for a married/seperated woman for about a year.Got this woman pregnant.Then left her to go back to my ex for 7 more years.Could never sleep with her.Was not sexually attracted to her,just emotionally.Finaly left her.Strated seeing a stripper..who had a boyfriend...kind of the same.Then started dating another stripper who was really hurt by men..never asked me for one dime..then started seeing this woman..I don't know why I keep choosing these women.I do agree with you though..I think I'm trying too hard to make something work..and I don't know why I keep getting involved with women already attatched.

Edited March 18, 2011 by chop246

[East7]

Attached women/strippers/Russian escort...= self-esteem issues, you like/worship women who give you too little / dominate/ and/or hurt you emotionally, seems like a masochist tendency. Also you may have a protecting instinct. Do you give/offer unconditional petting/cuddles/oral sex ?

Have you been bored with your GF because she was "too nice" ?

 

Counseling ASAP !

[chop246]

masochist tendency? Isn't a masochist someone who enjoys pain? I hate going through this.I hate being used and manipulated.For some reason I don't have the courage to stop it.