4thofjuly Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 How should I bring up exclusivity with this guy I have sort of been seeing? I also have a hard time speaking about my wants and emotions. Part of me is thinking that if I don't completely explain myself, then I am going to forsure lose him as our current situation isn't exactly ideal, however, because I have not good about speaking about my emotions, I'm afraid I am going to miss out on something that could be important for him to hear..... I have written a letter more to atleast put my thoughts into words that I have a hard time speaking...would it be wrong for me to give it to him after we speak about it in person?
Lilmisus Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 You seem to have the same issues that I used to have. It's great that you wrote it down, since it's good to write down your thoughts and feelings whenever you have issues vocalizing them. But I don't think that you should give him the letter. I wrote about....25 letters to my boyfriend in one month in a journal whenever I wanted to say something to him and felt like I couldn't, or wasn't able to see him or just needed to get something off my chest. Although I haven't felt compelled to write in it anymore, he's never seen it and doesn't even know about it, and I like to keep it that way, since it was more of a little outlet to get things off my chest. The thing is, is that you need to be able to sort out through your thoughts on your own and be able to work it out until you are able to openly talk and bring it up to him. Maybe write another letter or two until it feels very comfortable for you to talk about the situation, or maybe get a friend to help you out with it. But trust me, you HAVE to learn how to talk about your emotions and different issues that you have, and you need to let them be known to your potential boyfriend. Seek therapy for this or get friends to help you out. Soon after my boyfriend and I became exclusive with one another, I told him about how I was, and it brought us so much closer and made it to where it was easy to open up about my emotions and needs and thoughts and everything else I was having issues with. You might want to consider doing the same with him if this turns into something serious between you and him. But in regards of how to bring up exclusivity, just ask him. Tell him that you really like him and want to know if he feels the same way and if he thinks that you guys could become something serious. I know it'll be hard to do, but that's why you want to write it down a bit more and try it out in your head till you get comfortable talking about it.
Author 4thofjuly Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Thanks for the reply. I have noticed that writing down my thoughts and feelings does help me sort them out. I'll keep on doing that. Right now we are more long distance, would it be okay to bring up the idea of exclusivity on the phone or should I wait until I see him in person which wont be for another 3-4 weeks?
Art_Critic Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Ask him for a drawer in his dresser and a side in the closet The best way to ask is to just ask.. don't beat around the bush and have the conversation when you both can devote some real one on one time to discuss it.
Lilmisus Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Thanks for the reply. I have noticed that writing down my thoughts and feelings does help me sort them out. I'll keep on doing that. Right now we are more long distance, would it be okay to bring up the idea of exclusivity on the phone or should I wait until I see him in person which wont be for another 3-4 weeks? Since it's long distance, you first want to strongly consider if you'd be willing to be emotionally involved with someone who you couldn't see for at least 3-4 weeks at a time (so it seems). Since you already have issues vocalizing your wants and emotions, it would be a lot harder than if you lived within range of one another, since at least when you're around each other you can make out and not do all that talking. But if I were you, I'd wait to see him face to face. Continue seeing how well the next 3-4 weeks are between you guys, make sure that everything is nice and smooth, and make your visit as pumped up as you possibly can. Then, when you see him, see how you both feel about one another when you're face to face, and make the decision then if you really want the relationship. If the answer is yes, then by all means, bring it up then and ask him to be your boyfriend (if he doesn't ask first).
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