Von Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 So here goes my long crappy dating story. I've been doing the online dating thing for a couple months now. I'm 34 and not into getting girls at bars and clubs anymore. I have a great profile and get lots of compliments on it, but mostly from girls I would never consider dating. I've met 3 girls in person... The first, had a great date, but after a month of little to no contact with her she disappeared on me. The 2nd, had a good date until she started acting weird and unstable and said shed been raped before, so that just ended it right then for me but we're still facebook friends. But this is about the third one.* So she initiated contact with me on the site, and right away we had long messages and great chemistry. Then we added on facebook, and same deal. Then we started txting and it was just amazing the chemistry and open-ness we had. I haven't had this level of chemistry for YEARS. She admitted to me the same things, and couldn't stop thinking about me, and couldn't wait to see me, and get her hands on me, basically we were sprung on each other. Before we even met. So then we went on a date, it went really well, we went back to her place after and we were very touchy and kissed alot but didn't have sex. We had great conversations and had the same strong chemistry. She wanted to see me again. ( I want to insert here, to help with the rest of the story, that I basically had love at first sight. First time for me. I know I know....) Next day is where it all fell apart. We were talking on the phone and we were kidding around and I said something that I terribly regret. Basically I was teasing her about one of her pictures and she took it VERY badly. I tried to explain I was only kidding but she wanted to get off the phone.* 2 days later we agreed to talk about it, so I called her. She basically tore into me, about the picture comment, and saying I wasn't being myself (??), I wasn't ready for a relationship (wtf???), and was unsure about me now. I was pretty devastated. I apologized for my words, made an attempt to explain that although I am guarded in the beginning with a girl, like anybody, I AM being myself, and ready for dating. She told me that she wanted space and wasn't going to date me right now and was going to keep talking to other online guys and maybe we would see what happens. So in other words she put me on the back burner. All over a comment!!!! Since then, (3 weeks ago), she initiated all contact with me for the first 2 weeks, which was txt everyday, and a couple calls. It seemed we might be heading back to where we were but the chemistry coming from her side was not the same. (understandably since she was hurt) She wouldn't agree to meet up the few times I casually asked. But on the last one she cancelled our plans, to go somewhere else, and I stupidly asked if it was a date. I didn't think it would matter since we were pretty open with each other, but she responded the next day basically letting me down easy. And that it wasn't my business, and not to have high hopes for us, and she didn't know if we would see each other again, and she lost alot of attraction for me back from the picture comment, and lost emotion in us, and didn't want to keep me waiting for something that might not ever happen. Geez right!!! Anyways, I basically told her that I didn't think it mattered to ask, and in response to the rest I made it pretty clear im into her (without saying I like you), and that I could take things slow & casual with her and see where it goes and the ball was in her court. (she said in this convo that's what she had wanted in the beginning, and "might" consider again) After this she has only txt me once a "hi how are you" that I responded to, and nothing since. So right now I'm in NC because I don't know what else to do. But I do know that I want this girl, she is everything I could ask for. And it's been rare in my life that I get this level of chemistry. I want to continue what we had started.*I cant get her off my mind. Any suggestions? She is still very active on the dating site. And we're still on facebook. I don't want to lose my chance with what I want, but I don't want to be completely rejected and deleted either. She may be fading I'm not sure but it's been 4 days of silence. I've read a ton of threads here so I kinda get the idea what to do, but it's always better to have a outside perspective. I needed to vent anyways
Author Von Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 I said that the glasses she was wearing in one of her pics "looked terrible", but I was kidding around with her, I wasn't being serious. I can't believe that screwed up such a good thing. Everything else about us clicked so well. And now I get the silent treatment. Ugh.
MarlyStar Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 From a woman's perspective, one who wears glasses sometimes and have had horrible glasses in the past, I hardly think this would be a deal breaker, especially since you apologized profusely. Either she was never that into you to begin with or she's very, very insecure/neurotic and you dodged a bullet. I'm sorry you are hurt, but she's blowing your transgression out of proportion, imo.
Leeway Harris Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 If you had said "Go to hell, you filthy whore," I'd understand her reaction. "Your glasses look terrible"... yeah, no. Unless you're leaving something out of the story, it sounds like a major overreaction to me. You might be better off letting this one go.
D-Lish Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Consider yourself having dodged a bullet. I think I would be offended if a guy said what you said, but I'd hardly go off the deep end and never want to see him again. If she reacts like this so early on to something so mild... I'd say she has a little crazy in her that you should be thankful you aren't getting the chance to see more of.
D-Lish Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I wanted to add, just keep dating- play the odds. 3 dates isn't a lot. I went out with a lot of people over the years from online dating and there were maybe 4 out of 40 dates over the years that I had chemistry with. Don't put all your eggs into one basket, keep asking out other women until you really click with one.
Cracker Jack Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 You're most likely better off without her, anyway. I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but if someone acts like that over a silly comment, then I can't imagine how the relationship would be in the future if there happened to be disagreements.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Besides letting her go, you need to be more careful who you fall in love with, you didnt get to know her fully and let yourself get attached without finding out if she was unstable first. Take it easy next time, you know how. Shes a mess, you dont want to keep chasing her.
Author Von Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 I want to thank you all for the advice. She doesn't really come across as someone unstable or a mess though. Honestly. But I did forget to mention that some of her past relationships were bad, and i think one guy verbally abused her a bit. Possibly about her looks. That may be why. But I also have another opinion to throw out there, she may have a very strong boundary to people teasing her about her looks, and I may have crossed a boundary she doesn't put up with, which killed her attraction. But how was I supposed to know that? Lol I am talking to another girl, but again the chemistry isn't as strong, or strong yet. But do you guys think I should continue NC? Or should I hit her up at some point to see what happens?
USCGAviator Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I would say forget about her and move on. I dated alot of girls after my divorce and not a single one showed a side like you described.
Author Von Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 So now she has blocked me from seeing any NEW posts and check ins on facebook. Really? Geez she's 34 too wtf. This isn't high school. I'm thinking about writing her a letter calling her out on her behaviour. But my intention is to getter her to wake the f up and turn her attention back to me. But somehow I don't think that would be the effect. ?
Andy_K Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 No, it'll just piss her off and lower her opinion of you. She's a crazy. And not good, fun, wild crazy. We're talking rabbit-boiling tyre- slashing fruitcake territory. In my opinion you're better off without her. Your intent is obviously to try to turn things around. If this is your goal, about the only thing you can do is be friendly and NOT mention what you said, or dating, or anything like that. Act as if it never happened. Don't inquire as to her state of mind. She knows you're interested and will open up again if she ever does decide she wants to date you. In the meantime, you should be moving on and not dwelling on her either.
Nexus One Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I don't know how you said it and how she interpreted it, but it sounds like an overreaction from her side. And while you say she doesn't seem unstable, there might be some craziness lurking under the waters there.
Author Von Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 No, it'll just piss her off and lower her opinion of you. She's a crazy. And not good, fun, wild crazy. We're talking rabbit-boiling tyre- slashing fruitcake territory. In my opinion you're better off without her. Your intent is obviously to try to turn things around. If this is your goal, about the only thing you can do is be friendly and NOT mention what you said, or dating, or anything like that. Act as if it never happened. Don't inquire as to her state of mind. She knows you're interested and will open up again if she ever does decide she wants to date you. In the meantime, you should be moving on and not dwelling on her either. I think right there was the answer I needed. I was so ready to write that letter and burn my bridges too. I really don't see the crazy part? She really does have her **** together. There has to be some trauma that made her sensitive about her pictures. That's all I can think of as why. And yes it was an over-reaction. I just have to let her go. I deleted my online dating profile because I couldnt stand to see her on there. (I'm still on a different site) And I'm talking to one girl and still getting messages on the one site. It figures this being my first experience at "love at first sight" it wouldn't turn out. It was probably just a fluke. HAHA NC FTW
Imajerk17 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Yeah. She sounds psycho. Her reaction is so ridiculous it's actually hard for me to comment.
stepka Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 You know, I've met several people who seemed to have it all together, but then there was some weird thing that would send them over the edge. I have a theory that we're all crazy but we have to find the person whose craziness we can live with. I doubt you could live with this. My ex always claimed that I was way oversensitive, but I would have totally laughed this one off. It's better you find this out now and since it was so new, you probably won't spend long in regret.
moneyhound Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Be a man bro. But don't take that seriously because that might destroy you. What I meant is you have just met her online and you communicate via txts. You should know her more. Thats the real essence of a date isn't it? knowing someone before getting deeper. You need to know the attitude she possess because that will really test you patience. As for me, Go but don't go too far. You know what I meant. I just want to share some great advices to you in regards to dating. It will really answer you questions in how to have a good date. http://DatingMadeEasy.fastprofitpages.com/?id=jmunga The most important ingredient in a date is confidence. start the good start you have, just make sure your in the right road always.
vanek26 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up. It's not your fault, this chick is just a typical flake. Remember, women are flippant. It may seem like you have great chemistry but you're always one mood swing away from becoming undesireable. She clearly lost her attraction to you once the initial rush of meeting you wore off. And it seems like she just used that "picture comment" as a way out of things without making her look like the bad guy.
andrew-bkk Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 So she initiated contact with me on the site, and right away we had long messages and great chemistry. Then we added on facebook, and same deal. Then we started txting and it was just amazing the chemistry and open-ness we had. I haven't had this level of chemistry for YEARS. Dude -- this is pure and utter garbage. Point 1. I too had a similar experience. Two months chatting on the dating site; a few weeks chatting on Facebook; lots of long phone calls. Great chemistry; fantastic chemistry; wonderful chemistry. But you know what? There was no chemistry at all. It's all in your head. It's not real. It happens because you're feeling lonely or desperate or a bit down. Never fall into this trap again. Henceforth, understand that online dating is a joke. Treat it as a joke. Have fun. Understand that nothing is real until you're actually sitting down in front of the girl. Everything prior to that is meaningless. Point 2. People who have lots of photos on Facebook are creepy. They are weird. Insult one of their crappy photos and they take it VERY personally. Avoid people who use Facebook daily and have more than a hundred friends and have more than a dozen or so photos.
Skump Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I apologized for my words Hate to say it, but that was probably mistake numero uno. I'll take 10:1 odds that if anybody manages to wring a decent relationship out of this gal, it'll be a guy who doesn't take any of her bullsh*t. You've gotta wonder, though: How does someone that fragile even function in society? I mean, it's not as though she owes you a relationship or anything, but seriously, some women need to man the f*ck up.
sigurpol Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 ^ Makes a good point. I'll sing my song here to relate.. I met a girl last year or so and things went great from the start. After a month or so of going out and what not, I got to go to dinner with her and her parents. On the way home that FRIDAY night, I assumed I would be sleeping over her house. Nope, she was "too tired". So, after an awkward goodbye, I saw that my car was stuck in between two other cars, so I called her to come inside and wait until these people left. She flipped out, which caused me to fire back and I waited outside. I got a whole big novel of a text about how I was a "different person" and I've "changed". And thus, wasn't ready to date. So, I'll tell you this... I think it's important to settle on a strong foundation when it comes to a relationship. This woman seems a little unstable to get THAT worked up over a playful comment. Yea, it's playful. Hardly malicious, and your intent was in a joking manner. If the foundation is built on you having to apologize for petty jokes like that, forget it. It's shaky, my friend. Like you said, you're being yourself. To go as far for her to TELL YOU (aside from blowing up at your joke), "I'm going to talk to other men on the dating site". Wow, really? I thought school was out. You matter too. Don't bend over backwards for something as silly as this.
Bionic Me Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Consider yourself having dodged a bullet. I think I would be offended if a guy said what you said, but I'd hardly go off the deep end and never want to see him again. If she reacts like this so early on to something so mild... I'd say she has a little crazy in her that you should be thankful you aren't getting the chance to see more of. I have to co-sign this! That was a bit extreme... I think this chick is either very immature or she is really making up an excuse. Consider yourself lucky. If she can't handle that kind of critism, then she may not be well grounded to be in a healthy R. What gets me is all this online dating and stupid texting romance that goes on nowadays. Like really, you are "in love" with a fricking screen with LCD. The world is coming to an end.
Bionic Me Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Dude -- this is pure and utter garbage. Point 1. I too had a similar experience. Two months chatting on the dating site; a few weeks chatting on Facebook; lots of long phone calls. Great chemistry; fantastic chemistry; wonderful chemistry. But you know what? There was no chemistry at all. It's all in your head. It's not real. It happens because you're feeling lonely or desperate or a bit down. Never fall into this trap again. Henceforth, understand that online dating is a joke. Treat it as a joke. Have fun. Understand that nothing is real until you're actually sitting down in front of the girl. Everything prior to that is meaningless. Point 2. People who have lots of photos on Facebook are creepy. They are weird. Insult one of their crappy photos and they take it VERY personally. Avoid people who use Facebook daily and have more than a hundred friends and have more than a dozen or so photos. You basically said avoid about almost 600 million people. Your points are not that accurate sweetpea. People have FB for different reasons.
neghitzbrah Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 What gets me is all this online dating and stupid texting romance that goes on nowadays. Like really, you are "in love" with a fricking screen with LCD. Texts are to schedule phone calls. Phone calls are to schedule dates. I guess in this equation, Online Dating Sites are used to meet someone you like and get her number. You matter too. Don't bend over backwards for something as silly as this. I agree with this. You made a joke and she took it the wrong way. If you have to apologize, apologize that you make her feel that way. She had you wrapped around her finger after that (and it looks like she still does). Step back for a second, look at the scenario, and see who the crazy one is. You dodged a bullet dude. I was talking to a girl a few weeks ago who I was kind of into. Then she said something stupid. She said, "I can get any guy to buy me anything I want." I called her out on her cockiness. She got mad, waited for an apology (which I refused to give to her), then stormed out of the restaurant, all mad. Her friend that came with her stayed and we all had a great time and drank.
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