Enlighten_ME Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Layla, I was reading another post where you were discussing your situation with your current boyfriend, but having strong feelings for your previous.. I feel like i am a very similar situation.. in a lot of ways. However my GF tries to reassure me its not.. But i feel like there is something not right,, and i cannot put my finger on it. Could you possible tell if there are any things you done that were dead give ways? I hate feeling so skeptical , its tearing me down. But no matter how hard i try to believe her i find myself doubting.. thanks
layla1983 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I'm going to have to think about that. What I've posted on here is what I feel not about how I've acted or what I've done if that makes any sense??? Like if I'm still in love with my ex??? Why do you feel theway you do? Are you in love with your ex or do you think she may be in love with hers?
Author Enlighten_ME Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 I'm going to have to think about that. What I've posted on here is what I feel not about how I've acted or what I've done if that makes any sense??? Like if I'm still in love with my ex??? Why do you feel theway you do? Are you in love with your ex or do you think she may be in love with hers? Honestly i think she is in love with her life with her ex, not so much him.. but maybe.
depplover_1980 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Enlighten I have to step in here - this is an extremely destructive thought pattern you are on right now. All relationships are different, you will never replace her ex but you can have fun and create new happy memories. By asking her and subsequently doubting her, you are at massive risk of pushing her away because effectively you are demonstrating you don't trust her. Unless she has given any real signs (beyond your own paranoia) it is not fair on her or the partnerships potential. You need to get a grip and sort of your insecurity now and don't let it ruin you.
Author Enlighten_ME Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Enlighten I have to step in here - this is an extremely destructive thought pattern you are on right now. All relationships are different, you will never replace her ex but you can have fun and create new happy memories. By asking her and subsequently doubting her, you are at massive risk of pushing her away because effectively you are demonstrating you don't trust her. Unless she has given any real signs (beyond your own paranoia) it is not fair on her or the partnerships potential. You need to get a grip and sort of your insecurity now and don't let it ruin you. Thanks depplover, Yeah she has given me reason not to trust her. After talking to her last night, she says she doesn't love her ex , but she misses how they interacted and her life style with him.. Their relationship was built around partying and just generally having a good time.. he left when their child was 2. Well now her child is 5 and i have a 7 year old. My foundation is family , hers seems to be having a good time, And i think this is the source of her unhappiness. I am 36 and she is 32 and we go out every weekend. Every other weekend we do couple things and in between family things.. but its never enough.. I think this relationship is extremely destructive for me. I honestly think she wants exactly their life style, removing him and adding me in his place. Oh she never wanted kids either, Her ex wanted the child but she has him full time.
layla1983 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I'm a llitle suprises at her age she would be interested in going out t drink to that degree. Your situation is the opposite of mine. My ex didn't really have a use for going out. He used to when he was younger but being in his 30's has outgrown that. I on the other hand wasn't even close to having had outgrown it. So when he broke up with me I met a new and exciting party guy that I could go out with. My my it was soo much fun until the honeymoon was over and I could see who he was/is. Don't get me wrong he's not a bad guy per se its just that he isn't half the man my ex is. Basically when I met him he was Mr party fun guy and now he's just a guy to me. When I'm saying this I'm not saying my ex isn't fun or boring at all. My ex is just more of the thoughtful, strong silent type that has a beautiful heart and isn't shallow or selfish or egositical. He's the kind of guy who could get pretty much any girl he wants to but wouldn't do that for the sake of doing that. I have to say this not to get off topic-but his blue eyes are the most captivating thing I think I've ever seen in my entire life to such a degree that if he actually looks at a girl and acknowleges her she won't be able to not stare back. They are beautiful but in a very quiet, confident kind of way. Any other questions ask away!!!
betterdeal Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Thanks depplover, Yeah she has given me reason not to trust her. After talking to her last night, she says she doesn't love her ex , but she misses how they interacted and her life style with him.. Their relationship was built around partying and just generally having a good time.. he left when their child was 2. Well now her child is 5 and i have a 7 year old. My foundation is family , hers seems to be having a good time, And i think this is the source of her unhappiness. I am 36 and she is 32 and we go out every weekend. Every other weekend we do couple things and in between family things.. but its never enough.. I think this relationship is extremely destructive for me. I honestly think she wants exactly their life style, removing him and adding me in his place. Oh she never wanted kids either, Her ex wanted the child but she has him full time. If her partying isn't what you want, split up. If you are happy to compromise and for her to be out partying whilst you stay at home, do that. This is not about her ex. This is about you and her, and how you work, rest and play together.
depplover_1980 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Thanks depplover, Yeah she has given me reason not to trust her. After talking to her last night, she says she doesn't love her ex , but she misses how they interacted and her life style with him.. Their relationship was built around partying and just generally having a good time.. he left when their child was 2. Well now her child is 5 and i have a 7 year old. My foundation is family , hers seems to be having a good time, And i think this is the source of her unhappiness. I am 36 and she is 32 and we go out every weekend. Every other weekend we do couple things and in between family things.. but its never enough.. I think this relationship is extremely destructive for me. I honestly think she wants exactly their life style, removing him and adding me in his place. Oh she never wanted kids either, Her ex wanted the child but she has him full time. From the information provided she sounds shallow and selfish; for me those are negative traits nothing positive would balance out... The fact you already sense the relationship feels destructive tells you all that you need to know - you should strongly listen to your instinct here and cut loose.
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