very_sad Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I'm a very indecisive person and the fact that I've been going through some tough moments lately hasn't helped, but I think I've finally come to the decision that I need to step away from my 6 year bf. Not because he's a bad person- to the contrary, he's everything a girl could want. The problem is that right now I can't seem to cope. There's a billion little things in my mind and I'm stressed to the point of tears. He should be my safe haven, but lately I feel that having a relationship is too much. I don't want to break up because I know that once the course is over I'll be "me" again, but right now, I just can't manage. Anyhow, after this venting, I don't know if I should wait to see him tomorrow and speak to him or call him right now and talk with him. I'm afraid I'm overreacting because of my stress and I might be making a mistake, but then again, this is a thought that has been in my mind for the past 2 weeks...
poorguy Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I'm a very indecisive person and the fact that I've been going through some tough moments lately hasn't helped, but I think I've finally come to the decision that I need to step away from my 6 year bf. Not because he's a bad person- to the contrary, he's everything a girl could want. The problem is that right now I can't seem to cope. There's a billion little things in my mind and I'm stressed to the point of tears. He should be my safe haven, but lately I feel that having a relationship is too much. I don't want to break up because I know that once the course is over I'll be "me" again, but right now, I just can't manage. Anyhow, after this venting, I don't know if I should wait to see him tomorrow and speak to him or call him right now and talk with him. I'm afraid I'm overreacting because of my stress and I might be making a mistake, but then again, this is a thought that has been in my mind for the past 2 weeks...[/quote If you read on these forums you will sort of find out what you are going through. This is an example of where you the girl, has already checked out of the relationship and him the guy probably doesn't have a clue that your feeling this way. So with that if you arent or can'tbe emotionally invested then I suggest you end it now instead of dragging it out and letting things get messy...It's tough I know we've all been there. That's the breaks though
2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 If you are having personal problems and feel it is affecting your part in the RL then maybe you should tell your BF? I mean don't you want to work together and let him help you, if he is such as good BF as you say? He should no doubt be understanding and willing to help. If you tell him he is wonderful and all that but you need to step away he will instantly lose all trust in you and think there is someone else, sorry but this is the way people are hard wired, he'll think you're letting him down gently. If you do break then consider how much of a nightmare it will be if you get better and want him back, he will probably have moved on, this will not make you feel any better. 2011
Author very_sad Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 If you are having personal problems and feel it is affecting your part in the RL then maybe you should tell your BF? I mean don't you want to work together and let him help you, if he is such as good BF as you say? He should no doubt be understanding and willing to help. If you tell him he is wonderful and all that but you need to step away he will instantly lose all trust in you and think there is someone else, sorry but this is the way people are hard wired, he'll think you're letting him down gently. If you do break then consider how much of a nightmare it will be if you get better and want him back, he will probably have moved on, this will not make you feel any better. 2011 He is a good boyfriend and he is fully supportive of me and willing to help. However, I am so stressed that lately I'm not being nice to him and snap at him for the littlest reason. He understands that I'm tired, but I dont think it's fair for him that I treat him this way. getting better and not having him is indeed one of my fears.
SingVoice Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I would talk to him about this before you make any decisions. Is it possible that you could ask him for a little bit of space instead of breaking up? Hmm even as I say that it seems really unfair to him. I hate to be harsh...but life is tough. You are going to have tough things thrown at you for the rest of your life. Are you always going to want to break up with him when that happens? Because if so...then you SHOULD end it. The one thing that is great about having a partner is that you DON'T have to go through the tough times alone. But the other explanation could be that you are going through some tough times and are forced to re-evaluate things in your life. And maybe....just maybe....deep down you think he isn't "the one." And maybe you can't admit that to yourself because he is such a "good boyfriend." Maybe the idea of getting out of the relationship scares you because it is a constant and stable thing. Just throwing that out there...I could be totally off-base.
Enlighten_ME Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I hate to be harsh...but life is tough. You are going to have tough things thrown at you for the rest of your life. Are you always going to want to break up with him when that happens? Because if so...then you SHOULD end it. The one thing that is great about having a partner is that you DON'T have to go through the tough times alone. This is Great advice in my opinion.. So in a nutshell your boyfriend is going feel very low on your list of life priorities. Not to sound insensitive, but if you love this man.. he should be damn near the top of those priorities. I honestly think you need to re-prioritize. Things can stess us out at the time if we let them.. but if we look at the big picture they can be very small in the scheme of things.. The man you love is not one of those things!
TryTryAgain Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I am so stressed that lately I'm not being nice to him and snap at him for the littlest reason. If you love this man, then your stress is no excuse to treat him this way. Does he stick up for himself when you're treating him poorly? My guess is he probably doesn't. He's probably just trying to ride out the storm because he knows that there are ups and downs in relationships and that eventually things will return to normal. Unfortunately, he's probably not bracing himself for the bomb your about to drop on him. I honestly think you may want to just explain the billion little things in your mind to him and perhaps ask him for some space. If you think that your stress level may be impairing your judgement with regard to breaking up with him, my advice would have to be just get it all out on the table with him, but don't just break it off. Don't hold anything back. You both are invested in this relationship, so I really think you both need to be talking about it. If you up and leave, just remember how hard it would be to ever go back to him. On the flip side, if there are other things deep down that are bothering you about your relationship, don't just use your "stress level" as the scapegoat. Get it all out there. If this was meant to be, then you guys will work through it. Good Luck.
Author very_sad Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 Hey, thank you for everything everyone. We spoke and decided to break up. While I cried and cried and cried and kept thinking that I had made a horrible mistake, he was very cool and collected and said that it was for the best. He hugged me and tried to comfort me and said that we'd still remain as friends, that no matter what we'd always have our friendship which was what our relationship was based on in the first place. He tried to make me laugh and convinced me to go to dinner with him. I was not hungry, but he ate and we talked a little, but I ended up crying some more. Finally we said goodbye and that we'd keep in touch. I'm trying to think that it was for the best, but I also can't help thinking that I made a mistake... I don't know anything anymore. He had been my only relationship and I'm so confused right now...
ConfusedGuy23 Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 I was in the exact same situation as you. I broke up with my ex gf of 4 and a half years through stress, indecision, commitment issues, just something naggaing at me and i did not know what it was. I hastily made the decision to break up and not talk things through. I now regret it as the biggest mistake of my life. Im here 5 months later kicking myself and beating myself up for such a stupid and hasty decision when all i had to do was talk to her. Once again talk to your partner!
Perplexed81 Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Gotta chime in on this one too. Your remind me EXACTLY of my ex, a complete worry wart. Before I go on, i don't know you personally and am by no means being mean or trying to hurt you, but I MUST BE FRANK if you want this opinion to be un-biased (and no i'm no comparing you to my ex, i'm just comparing this situation) She worried about everything, times could be great and she's just waiting for the next tornado to come screw everything up and when it didn't she would worry more. We could have a great trip ahead and she would worry about every single little detail and once everything worked out good she would be worrying about stuff during the trip for when we came back, worry worry worry worry worry. It was frustrating but I accepted it as her type of personality being that I was on the other side of the scale and just dealt with life as it came to me. If you have a good man, and from reading this, you have a VERY good man, do not leave him. Sit back and think about what you are doing? Its extremely hard to find a really decent and good man or woman and believe me, your gonna be hurting after you break up with him. Life is ALWAYS and I repeat ALWAYS GONNA HAVE PROBLEMS. There is no such thing as the fairytale. If your man is as good as you claim he is then you should go to him with your problems becuase he will support you. Now if he didn't support you, then thats another issue but if he does support you, believe me, no other man out there is gonna be able to do it different. If your only way in life to deal with your problems is by being single, then i'm sorry hun, but your gonna be single the rest of your life becuase life is always gonna have problems and there's nothing anyone can do about it. I suggest you evaluate your issues and go to your partner for comfort and support in dealing with them. Also it sounds like you've become extremely too comfortable in your relationship with your man to be able to resort to this kind of conclusion. Soon you'll learn that "hey, i had it good, why in the world did I screw it up?" and while your hunting for another good man and the years go by without any good prospects, you'll wish you had a chance to do it all over again. Sometimes people in being comfortable forget how doggy dog this world can be and that the tables are always turning. DON'T EVER THINK ANY OF ONE OF US IS IMMUNE from any kind of karma.
Thatguyintx Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 I am still not sure exactly why you broke up? It seems like you should have valid reasons before you make that decision. (Even saying I have a deep down feeling that he may not be the right one is a valid reason.) My fear is we may see you posting very soon on how you made a poor decision and wonder how to get him back. Also, I know it seems like you can maintain a friendship now, but how will you handle it when he starts dating? Will you be okay with that? I know I couldn't be okay with that with anybody I had just broken up with. (Later on, it became okay, but we needed to get through time and emotions waning.)
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