tigressA Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 And I get the sense he doesn't like that very much. When I spent the weekend with him, Saturday we were getting ready to go for a long drive since it was a nice day. I spontaneously asked if I could borrow one of his shirts and he said OK. He ended up giving it to me because he thought it looked really good on me. Last night when he was here I tried on his jacket, and his jeans, and both fit (no, he doesn't wear girls' jeans--they were a baggy fit but I could wear them without a belt). I could wear pretty much anything in his wardrobe except for his shoes. After I joked that I could just borrow his clothes when I stay with him on weekends he changed the subject--so he was a little annoyed. I wonder if he's insecure about his size in comparison to me. He's 5'5" and I'm 5'7", so I'm a little taller than him. And when I stayed with him over the weekend I saw an online receipt lying face up on the table for an order of shoes with 4-inch hidden platforms in them...he mentioned them himself later and said he was going to return them as they're uncomfortable. I obviously don't have a problem with his size because if I did then I wouldn't be with him. I love how well we fit together and I am ridiculously attracted to him. And I absolutely love that I can wear his clothes--in a way it makes me feel closer to him. How should I deal with this? Is it a guy thing to want to be in some way "bigger" than the woman he's with?
tman666 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 How should I deal with this? Is it a guy thing to want to be in some way "bigger" than the woman he's with? As trivial as it sounds, traditional gender roles are still important. It's important for the man to feel like the "protector". It's sort of strange, but it's ingrained into our biology. It's the same reason that many guys don't feel comfortable being with women who are as tall or taller then they are. If it really bugs him, then that's his problem to work out. You can probably help him out by reinforcing his masculine traits and doing your best to not do things that highlight his insecurities.
carhill Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 My standard comparison, since my exW was/is a fan of both. Nicole is 5'11" Keith is listed as 5'10" but I've been close enough to him to know that he's shorter than me and I'm 5'10". I imagine Nicole could 'wear' his clothes if she wanted to and they'd probably fit OK. She's also a lot wealthier than Keith. Interesting how things work 1
Eddie Edirol Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Yeah just dont joke about being able to fit into his clothes, it is a little troubling. No use harping on something hes sensitive about.
mitchell Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 The real question is how does he look in your bra and panties? Is this Corvette man?
Author tigressA Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 Yeah just dont joke about being able to fit into his clothes, it is a little troubling. No use harping on something hes sensitive about. I wasn't "harping" on it. I never teased him and I stopped after I noticed he changed the subject. He seemed okay with it until we both saw I fit into his pants. I was curious because I fit his shirts well; I just wanted to see what else I could fit into. Like I said, I think it's neat. Now that I know he's bothered by it it's honestly making me feel a little weird and irrational, like "What if he dumps me because he doesn't feel 'masculine' enough around me?" I know it's a stupid thought because he's really attracted to me and he loves me, but...it's still there. Yeah Mitchell, it's Corvette guy.
runner Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 yea i know what you mean. i once tried on an ex's jeans and they fit ! of course being a bit looser around the hip. but that look on her face >><< was priceless
yessy21 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Boost his self esteem a little. sounds like he has had problems with it for a while. itll be fine. I think its super cute that he bought those shoes... he likes u a lot.
Lilmisus Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I know so many guys who like to be "big" not just for their girls, but for their own ego boosters or to make themselves feel bigger and badder around other guys. Most of my guy friends and boyfriend hate the idea of being small. You know, not having big enough muscles, or broad enough shoulders, or thick enough abs (or small anything else ). It's just how they are, for competitive reasons and feeling the need to be their girl's "protector". You could do what I do though. My boyfriend is the perfect size and look for me in every way possible. But of course, he wishes that he were taller (he's five inches taller than me as it is, but he wants to be like 6 foot), or that he had the same huge muscles he used to a few years ago. He's thought about doing the whole platform shoes thing, and he even heard about a surgery that they could make your legs longer by doing something, but each time he talks like that I always remind him just how perfect he is for me and how I wouldn't have him any other way. I tell him things like "I could never date someone who was too tall, it's just a turn off for me" or "I love the size of your arms, they're amazing!" Although I know it doesn't help him much, it's easy to tell that it does make him feel better about himself, especially since I'm always stressing just how great of a size he is.
Author tigressA Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 Boost his self esteem a little. sounds like he has had problems with it for a while. itll be fine. I think its super cute that he bought those shoes... he likes u a lot. I don't think he bought those shoes BECAUSE of me...it's pretty clear to me now that yeah, he's insecure about it and has been long before I came into the picture. Now that I think of it, when I borrowed his shirt he "joked" to me to not tell anyone that it's his. It makes me a little sad.
Stung Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I'm six feet tall, which by itself weeds out most of the guys who are insecure in that regard, I suppose. My husband is about an inch taller than me and I can fit into about half of his clothes, the ones I can't fit into are the more tailored ones and it's due to proportional stuff like boobs vs. broad shoulders, or my hips being wider than his. He thinks it's cute when I wear his stuff, but I have had a few bfs in the past who were mildly put off by it. Come to think of it, those were usually the guys who were shorter than me (though not all of them, just the less secure and/or more gender-stereotype-oriented ones). Perhaps it was a bit of an ego double whammy, at that point? Anyway, just stay out of his clothes, don't mention it again, subtly reinforce his masculine prowess in other ways, I'm sure his discomfort will blow over quickly. I really doubt he'd dump you because you fit into his clothes. If it remains an issue, that's indicative of problems way deeper than a little understandable sensitivity.
Star Gazer Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 When the woman is tall, as Nicole Kidman is, being with a shorter man isn't so...uncomfortable. However, if you're of average height and your guy is below average height (5'5" is short for a guy), anything you do to make his size a subject of focus with be awkward for him. In short (no pun intended), don't wear his clothes or tease him about it.
mtber75 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Virtually all women would never date a guy under 5'9... even if they themselves were much much shorter, women simply do not like short guys. I don't think guys care that much, tall women are actually kinda attractive. It's women who have a sort of hang up on the guys height... The guy literally needs to tower over her... otherwise she wont want him. I notice this too. I really never had/have any problems with a tall women. But the woman always have a height requirement for a man though?
heartshaped Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I think a lot of people have suffered with self esteem issues at some point or another, but a healthy relationship will do wonders for one's self esteem. Compliment him, support him, show him that you like him just the way he is.
Knittress Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I notice this too. I really never had/have any problems with a tall women. But the woman always have a height requirement for a man though? And most men have a weight requirement for a woman. There's that whole, "women can work out but a man can never get taller" argument, but, eh.... for most women past their mid 20s holding down a full time job, it's pretty much the same impossibility. The world we live in. Woo.
Author tigressA Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 When the woman is tall, as Nicole Kidman is, being with a shorter man isn't so...uncomfortable. However, if you're of average height and your guy is below average height (5'5" is short for a guy), anything you do to make his size a subject of focus will be awkward for him. In short (no pun intended), don't wear his clothes or tease him about it. Clearly, I didn't realize that part. I never made fun of him; I would never do that--all I did was put on some of his clothes and made a comment about being able to borrow his if I don't have any. I don't think that comment was teasing him; it was just an observation. I didn't realize that just doing those things might bother him/make him feel like I was teasing him.
threebyfate Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I wouldn't validate or invalidate his insecurity. Accept and ignore it. If it continues to manifest in strange ways, call him on it, letting him know that if height is a big deal, why would you be with him? IMO, it's not a good idea to shoulder someone else's insecurities. You then become a whipping boy for their anger.
Author tigressA Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 I wouldn't validate or invalidate his insecurity. Accept and ignore it. If it continues to manifest in strange ways, call him on it, letting him know that if height is a big deal, why would you be with him? IMO, it's not a good idea to shoulder someone else's insecurities. You then become a whipping boy for their anger. Yeah, that's what I did. I told him if I had a problem with it I wouldn't be with him. Seemed to make it better. I'll keep wearing his shirts but I just won't say anything about them.
Star Gazer Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Clearly, I didn't realize that part. I never made fun of him; I would never do that--all I did was put on some of his clothes and made a comment about being able to borrow his if I don't have any. I don't think that comment was teasing him; it was just an observation. I didn't realize that just doing those things might bother him/make him feel like I was teasing him. Fair enough, but by your own words, you "joked" that you can just rely on his wardrobe. I would have interpreted that as more than a mere observation that his jeans happen to fit you.
Author tigressA Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 Fair enough, but by your own words, you "joked" that you can just rely on his wardrobe. I would have interpreted that as more than a mere observation that his jeans happen to fit you. Yes, I did, but all I meant by that was that I can fit into his clothes. Clearly he took away something different from it.
Cee Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 My current boyfriend is 5' 6" and built like a wrestler and I'm 5' 5" and more petite all around. I asked to borrow pajamas one night and he said, "These should fit. We're the same size." I gave him the hairy eyeball because I thought he was saying I was as the same weight as him. I wouldn't worry about size. He likes you as you are. And unless you draw attention to the similarity in your frames, I doubt he notices it. He's probably looking at your curves instead.
welikeincrowds Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Man, height seems to be one of those things that can make a man feel fundamentally inadequate as a man. It's a shame, really. I am proud of my wardrobe and delighted by the sight of a woman wearing my clothing. But I can understand the feeling of being deficient as a man. It's a demon that sleeps in all men, to be stirred by whatever name(s) it has been given by that man in particular. Unskilled, Poor, Weak, Dull, etc. For me, it's Boring, and Asexual. Maybe for your man, it's Short. Wear his shorts; just don't tempt the demon.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Now that I know he's bothered by it it's honestly making me feel a little weird and irrational, like "What if he dumps me because he doesn't feel 'masculine' enough around me?" I know it's a stupid thought because he's really attracted to me and he loves me, but...it's still there. Yeah Mitchell, it's Corvette guy. A guy wouldnt get rid of you because he didnt feel masculine enough, thats a cowards way out, and anyone who thinks they have any masculinity wouldnt think that way. You dont have to think that. Just dont bother trying to compliment him to make him feel better, that could backfire as it might come off disengenuous, even though you mean it. This is one of those things that you can just ignore and it will go away. The problem is he might know women speak and think that if you joke about fitting into his clothes, that you are hinting that you want a bigger guy. Its all nonsense.
GivenUp0083 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Virtually all women would never date a guy under 5'9... even if they themselves were much much shorter, women simply do not like short guys. I don't think guys care that much, tall women are actually kinda attractive. It's women who have a sort of hang up on the guys height... The guy literally needs to tower over her... otherwise she wont want him. I'm 5'8" and I have a girlfriend....I don't consider myself short and I've polled audiences and they don't consider me short either. I'm on the shorter end of the average height area but short? Nah. Besides, comments like this are comparable to girls only wanting to date men who are doctors and have a lot of money. Do girls want this? yeah, but if a special man came into their life that wasn't I'm sure they'd let it slide in the name of happiness. It's like guys....do we LOVE big boobs? I know I do....but my current gf doesn't have very big boobs at all, however she's probably still the sexiest girl I've ever been with (I've been with 15 women in my life).
Author tigressA Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 Thanks Cee, welike and Eddie. I'm just going to go on borrowing his shirts and not make any mention of it. From the fact that he gave me one of his shirts I think it's not that I fit into his clothes that's bothered him as much as comments I made, regardless of how innocently I meant them.
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