Euthyphro Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 (edited) Hi, First post so bear with me, guys. I dated this woman for 8 months and fell for her head over heels. I wouldn't call myself possessive - she has plenty of guy friends, likes to party, etc. but she's always been very honest with me about her past life. My insecurities stem from a need for validation and reassurance that she in fact does like being with me. I have had no reason to doubt that she does but I kept prodding and acting needy and frustrated at things like her not being able to meet me because of other commitments, etc. I never said a word out of spite to her, never abused her but in my own pathetic way I pushed her away. Things tipped over over a month ago when I was feeling particularly low and out of the blue I called her and asked whether she was happy being with me. I had done this before and every time she'd been accomodating and understanding. This time, however, she was having none of it and said she'd had enough. I did the usual - begged, promised changes, etc. Did a bit of NC, following which she did call back after a month. She acted like she was ready to make up again but instead of taking it slow, the rube that I am, I started pushing her once again. I know it was sad on my part but it pretty much reaffirmed her opinion of me and she said maybe we're just incompatible, that I expect too much out of her, that I get frustrated very easily. I really upset her and she said she had had enough and she wouldn't even call me again and that it would be best if we just moved on with our lives. I did the whole begging and pleading garbage for a couple of days, to no avail this time. She was an emotionally vulnerable woman to begin with, and had trusted me and a potential relationship after a long time. It was great when it began but my BS just ruined it all. I need to reiterate that other than this impulsive neediness on my part - and I never called her while she was out with friends, keep pestering her on cell, nor did I ever harbor feelings of jealousy, but I just got cranky when I couldn't see her - I have never been mean to her. Always there for her, perhaps a bit too much, always lending a sympathetic ear to her, etc. Guess what I'm saying is that I made my life revolve around her. I would've preferred the NC to last for much longer but she contacted me too soon for me to have worked out my flaws. I blew it. It is killing me that I'm the guy who hurt her and let her down like this. She confided her entire life in me and I wasn't mature enough to temper myself. I have apologized sincerely to her but I don't believe she thinks I can change. After the initial break up, at least she was open to conversation but this time around, she has completely sealed herself off. I know I don't have a choice other than NC. I haven't let myself go over this past month; been working out like always because that's an ingrained part of my personality. Been going out with friends, having fun, organizing gigs, etc. But these demons of mine (which no doubt stem from an abusive father, dead when I was 19) have virtually ruined my chances of making it with this beautiful woman. I adore her, I cherish every moment I've spent with her but I feel it is too late. She has been through many disappointments in her life - family, a first love which didn't work out for unavoidable reasons, tragedy on the career front, etc. I just don't think she has it in her to give me another chance. Another chance is what I desperately seek though. I know I need to fix my deficiences before even hoping to get in touch with her again. But is it really too late? And if not, how can I do what needs to be done? Thanks. EDIT: I should mention that I haven't been as cool as might appear in my dealings with her post breakup. I have basically humiliated myself. I don't mind taking responsibility for my faults but I have apologized, asked for second (third?) chances, promised changes, heck even suggested my childhood experiences as an excuse. I don't think I could've done much more to turn her off. It scares me to think whether I'll be like this everytime I get serious with somebody. I've had arrangements of convenience before but not a serious, reciprocal relationship like this. But I have noticed a similarly worrying tendency in my other unrequited infatuations. I am sure she has forgotten the cool, suave guy she first fell for. Edited March 17, 2011 by Euthyphro
Recommended Posts