Author acrossthemiles1 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 (edited) This song is by my two favorite DJs...I'm seeing them live in NYC next Thursday night. Not really sure how I will react to hearing this...needless to say, I have been playing this on repeat a lot lately... if you can find the time to give your love to me i will wait for you, if that's all you need if you can find the time if ever you're free just drop me a line and tell me where you'll be i'll be right here - just be sincere. i'll wait for you. but if you can't find the time then cut me loose... cos i don't have the time and i don't have the patience what do you take me for? why am i still waiting? cos while you decide i'm f*cking suffocating... Edited April 6, 2011 by acrossthemiles1
Gala Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 As far as what to do if your ex contacts you, this is something you can spend some time considering. It's not really a decision that someone else can make for you, but it is within your control to determine that it's what you want. It's your call, not his. You can decide just to deal with him by e-mail if he contacts you, rather than being more involved. You can also tell him that you are taking time to think about whether he can give you what you need. Again, take a look for some of the more substantial posts on No Contact (NC) here. I have used this more than once in my relationship history, and it does help.
Author acrossthemiles1 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 As far as what to do if your ex contacts you, this is something you can spend some time considering. It's not really a decision that someone else can make for you, but it is within your control to determine that it's what you want. You're right of course... I guess it just depends on when/if (if? seriously, am I really even contemplating that? that would be so unspeakably lame) he eventually does decide to get in contact. It would be different if he popped back out of the ether later today than, say, two weeks from now. Really with every day that goes by that he leaves me in this stupid cruel lurch the whole thing just feels even more bizarre. Why the hell does someone act like this? Am I just blowing this out of proportion?
Gala Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Well, I suggest you ask yourself whether what he can give you will be any different two weeks from now than it is right in this moment.
Author acrossthemiles1 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 Well, I get it - I get that there's no chance of a "traditional" relationship while I'm still in another state. That's fine, some guys can cope with the LDR thing, some guys can't. Cool. Even if I did/do want that in some sense, I understand I won't get that anytime in the immediate future. I guess I have this inclination that I keep wanting to see "what's next, what happens next, what's going to happen next." Even now the radio silence is sort of fascinating to me. I joked a little while ago that he was good at keeping me on my toes. He said he didn't mean to keep me on my toes. I said it was fine, I'm good on my toes (all that gymnastics). It's stupid, because I know that although right now I say it's the waiting that's bugging me, and the not knowing, but I know that as soon as that fog clears and I get an answer one way or the other, unless he does a complete 180, I'll likely find myself wishing I still didn't know and still had that vague hope to cling to. I understand, I understand it doesn't matter "why," although I sure as hell would like to know. But I understand that is not the real question at hand.
Author acrossthemiles1 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 So, he emailed me... Obviously not thinking that anything is wrong or amiss. Missed you last week -- but, felt/noticed your absence... : ) I had a few couch surfers and was running around keeping busy as usual. I presume you'll be in NYC this weekend? If you want to join me for a party at my sisters gallery on Sat night, well, I invite you. I have to get some work done on Sunday though, so, I'll love to make us breakfast, but will have to forego the brunch movie tradition. If you are not available, of course, no worries. What do you think? Jx ...I honestly have no idea how to respond.
Author acrossthemiles1 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 I'm ashamed of myself that my first reaction, before I could think So where've YOU been, jerk? was to get a little happy thrill seeing his name in my inbox. Ugh.
Gala Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 This is where you think through "what do I want?" Another question to ask yourself is "how do I want to feel in a romantic situation?" Yes, if you go to the event to which he's invited you, you'll be with him and have the experiences you associate with him. But consider all the uncertainty and unhappiness that you've described in the last few days. Do you want to stay in the same groove, or no?
Author acrossthemiles1 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 The thing that bugs me is that we were all about "no definitions," and that was awesome and fun for me in the beginning. And then he freaked out and said he needed definitions and we tried and failed miserably to apply them. And now HE seems comfortable and I'm the one blowing up the spot for no reason. The stupid thing is, I've played the game so well that if I do come out and say I'm having a hard time feeling casual about him lately, he'd almost definitely be like "...WTF?" Maybe I need to reevaluate how I'm approaching this relationship. I genuinely don't want to lose his company and his place in my life...how do I get to a comfortable spot within myself where I'm able to cope with the distance and the lack of guarantees?
Author acrossthemiles1 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 Do you love to meet people? No, I hate people and I live in a cave. LOLspam.
mitchell Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 It really just seems like you both want different things from this relationship. You would like a relationship that might progress to something more. He seems to like your company, but appears more interested in having sex with you (which you have provided easily). His latest invite is very clear. Come on up to NYC, we'll go to the gallery party, then back to my place for some sex, oh and, sorry, but I can't even spend any time with you after we're done f'ing. If this is what you want, he's the man of your dreams. Just don't expect anything different.
Author acrossthemiles1 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 Well...the question is, would things even be able to "progress further" whether either of us wanted them to or not while I'm still living outside the state? I mean, that was definitely the issue that put the brakes on things initially. Or at least inspired a great deal of the anxiety that caused him to pull away from the idea of pushing things forward. It is just hard to push anything forward when you're only seeing each other a few hours out of the week. As far as him "not having time" for me the next morning, he does literally work seven days a week, so this is not surprising. He lives right next door to the lab he works in so it's not unusual for him to have to rush off and do stuff. I leave for home around midday on Sundays anyway. All I'm saying is that this is not out of the ordinary. The thing is...it's hard to explain, but I have very strong evidence that it is NOT "just" or "mainly" about sex. But, that sort of seems beside the point. I guess I'm just wondering if I'm expecting too much by wanting to pursue something that is such a logistical nightmare. Maybe like I said, I am freaking out for no reason. So do I just cut all ties? (Painful, unpleasant.) Put myself in a holding pattern and continue with the status quo until I can move closer? (Fine, but places a lot of trust in an uncertain future. Though even if we don't work out I DO want to be nearer the city.) Ugh. FML.
mitchell Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I'm not suggesting you cut all ties. Perhaps you want to take the opportunity this weekend to have a serious chat about your future. Lay it all out on the table and ask this guy if he's just interested in a FWB arrangement or does he wish to progress to a more conventional relationship. Maybe even broach the subject of you moving up to NYC. Time to open up the lines of communication here and rise above just the physical part of your time together.
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