bonomarine Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 (edited) I’m recently divorced. Together for 23 years, married at 19, had the first of three daughters at 20. Well needless to say, about two years ago my ex-wife, 41, reconnected with some middle-school friends via Facebook. Now that we are divorced, she is madly in love with one of them that she dated when she was 15. WTF!!! Apparently she had been actively dating him for the past year. I want to hope that this is a rebound relationship but I hacked into her email account, I know stupid right, just more pain, but I guess I had to know. Apparently, they are so excited that they have found each other after 26 years and their future together is so clear. It’s amazing… Oh by the way, he is 42, never been married or in a serious relationship and has no kids. A real winner... For the last two years of the marriage we were separated but I continued to try and save the marriage while she pushed further away. I still feel the sting of betrayal and can’t for the life of me figure out why I feel this way. I should hate her guts, I guess I do, but sometimes I just want to know why… She is in a classic MLC, married young, had kids young and has longevity issues since both her parents died in their 50’s. I keep wishing this affair or new found relationship will crash and burn but I don’t think it will. Any thoughts? Edited March 17, 2011 by bonomarine
Mcnulty Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 So, you've been apart for 2 years? It doesn't sound like your ex started the relationship with him prior to your separation, is that right? She would have told him she was separated a year into your separation,yes? The question is, whilst you in the past 2 years have tried to reconcile with her, did she in the last year tell you she was having a relationship or not? if she did not, then yes, you're right to feel betrayed and hate her, if not and she told you, then she was honest I guess. How do your kids feel about her actions? I understand you feel anger etc towards her for the relationship ending. What can you do from now? Look after yourself, exercise, try to get out and meet people. I think you know she isn't going to come back, so now it's your turn to rebuild a new life and try to get the positives out of your life, maybe via your kids and your new found freedom.
Author bonomarine Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 (edited) We physically separated, I left the marital home, in Nov 2010. She just told me that she was dating this guy and it had only been since late Dec. As stated above, I discoverd that she had been dating him for at least a year. Throughout the past 1 1/2 years I have questioned her many times about her dating and she denied it and tried to make me think I was crazy. That's where the betrayal and the selfishness comes from. I would not have liked it but would have perferred that she simply said that she had found someone else instead of trying to make me feel crazy. She never tried to reconcile, however, I believe this relationship prevented any reconciliation from happening. I know she isn't coming back. I'm moving forward after being with her for 23 years, since I was 17, I'm just having a hard time letting go. I know I shouldn't care about her anymore, but part of me wants her to crash and burn because that's what she did to us and our family. Mostly, I do want to move on. I am dating but its a little frustrating, probably because I'm still thinking of her. I feel so pathetic sometimes... Edited March 17, 2011 by bonomarine
Mcnulty Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 So she has lied to you...totally unfair, she should have just been honest and respected your feelings. Karma may come and bite her on the ass, but it may not, it didn't with my ex, so no point in hoping it will in my experience. At least you are dating, take it slow and be fussy. Don't expect to click with the first person you date though. I feel for you, but you and I know it's time to move on from her and her lies, you're better than that...keep telling yourself this.
Author bonomarine Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 Thanks for the response. You are right. I agree, I hope that Karma will bite her in the ass, but I can't rely on that. What will burn the most is my happiness and that is something that I can't allow her to control anymore. Thanks again!
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