spice4life Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Have you ever been involved with someone and wanted to resolve the problems in the relationship, but your communication styles are different? And you end up misunderstanding one another? I'm in a situation where I would like to work through the problems but I keep upsetting him with the way I communicate. I get quiet when I know I've hurt someone and it drives him crazy. Any suggestions on how to approach this with him? Not sure what to do.
SingVoice Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I've been in relationships like that too. Everyone reacts differently to conflict. For me...when we had problems...I liked to talk about them right away and resolve them...because when we did that it was all fine. But he liked to run away for a few days. It's really about finding a balance. I can tell you from experience that him shutting down when there was conflict made me feel HORRIBLE. I felt like he didn't care enough to communicate...which always made things worse. It's possible that your SO feels the same way. Communication is crucial. So you have to find a way to explain to him why you react that way...and maybe try to find a different way to respond. And if he understand WHY you react that way...maybe he can try something different too.
Author spice4life Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 Thank you for your sage advice. It really helps. if I have the opportunity, I will give your suggestion a try.
Author spice4life Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 (edited) Really trying to figure out where I am going wrong with communication. Not sure if he is upset with me again or not. I moved some photo albums to another book shelf and he thinks I am trying to erase him from my life. Not true. Just wanted them in a safe place that's all. Wow....feeling so confused right now. Think I'm going to take some time to let my head clear...not sure what I'm feeling right now. Edited March 18, 2011 by spice4life
Author spice4life Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 (edited) I've decided that I am going to confront what happened between us in the past DIRECTLY. It is the only way I'm going to be able to put this whole thing to rest once and for all. The thing is, I let certain things happen to me and have "let it go" for a long time now and now I can't anymore. I. Need an explanation from him about why he did those things to me. I've pretty much given up hope that we will ever be able to work through all of the damage I created, but in order to move on, I need the truth. So I'm going to confront him directly and ask for an explanation as to why he chose to handle it the way he did. If he doesn't give me one then I will know what to do after that. Thanks for letting me vent here. It has helped me come up with an answer on what I need to move forward...with or without him. And here is a tip for everyone. If something happens to you that is unsettling, confront the issue directly and bring it out into the open so you can heal it and move forward. If you don't then it will just sit inside, fester and create a lot of anxiety for you. Expose it, deal with it and make your desions from there as to whether or not its in your best interest to continue. At least then you will feel more comfortable if you have to be in the presense of that person. Edited March 19, 2011 by spice4life
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