Teknoe Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 This past weekend met this girl who seemed to show me interest. Usually, girls just don't ask the guy out first. She waits for him, but gives him signs. Sometimes though, the guy is too dense. In the past, I always am the girl's friend first. We chat late into the night... she shares all her secrets with me... and 2-3 months later I confess I like her, only to get the friend stamp. This time, rather than the same old song and dance, I emailed her asking her if she wants to grab dinner this weekend. I await her reply (which I'm feeling will either be yes or if she's busy, she'll ask for next weekend) What have I got to lose? Might as well go out 1 on 1 like a man and see if there's any sparks. My old method sure didn't work. Apparently, this is what "successful guy friends" have told me to do. Don't befriend a girl... you either want to date her or you don't. If you do, don't waste time. Ask her out right away. Avoid the friend zone. Ladies/successful guys, any comments, tips, warnings?
dreamingoftigers Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Don't give up on your method if it fails the first time. Expect obstacles in dating but don't give up! Not saying that this won't work either. 50%-50%
Author Teknoe Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Don't give up on your method if it fails the first time. Expect obstacles in dating but don't give up! thanks for the encouragement dreaming, but what if I told you it failed 3 times in one short year? YEAH.
fishtaco Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Don't do the friend route, ever. Romance from friendship should ONLY happen by accident. Never by intent. For the people that think being friends first is a good idea, how about this then... that means the friendship was just a bait, because the person's true motive was romance. Doesn't sound too good does it? That's because that's NOT the right way. People want to believe in magic. Like those love stories. Hence some beautiful accident that sprouted from a beautiful friendship is oh so beautiful. Yeah, well, allow me to throw up first, then allow me to point out that is not reality. If it happened to you, great, you are one of the few people on the planet that can claim a storybook relationship. When you are interested in someone, make it known you are interested. Sometimes you may have to warm them up to the idea, but you HAVE to go for it at some point (for men), before it veers off into friendzone. You can avoid the friendzone by pulling the trigger early. What if you failed? Well if you ended up in the friendzone you failed too, except you also spent a ton of time on this dead end. So if you're going to bomb out, it's to your favor to bomb out as early as possible. Yes is better than no, and no is better than not knowing. So good job taking the initiative to change your ways. That is key to success. One thing you have to watch out for. Some women like the attention & the perks. So they will gladly allow you to take them out, wine and dine them, and then later go... oh, I thought we were just being friends. So you have to be very specific. One of the women in my past told me I didn't have to be so formal when asking her out. In my mind, I was going... of course not, if I weren't so formal, then you'll get plenty of wiggle room to play me. Soon after, she bailed. Because I didn't give her the chance to "misinterpret" my intentions as friendship. Did I fail? Nope, it was a success. She wasn't interested in me anyway, there was nothing I could do to change it. But I succeeded in blocking her from playing the ambiguous game. Which brings me to a related point. It's practically impossible to make someone like you. Either they do or they don't. Period. Your job, is to find a bunch that DO like you, and pick the best one out of the bunch, as opposed to "converting" someone into liking you. So make it clear, a date is a date. Go for physical contact, go for a kiss. If not the first date, the second date. If she's just using you she won't kiss you, unless she's the super villain type. Well, if that were the case then you're screwed, the bad way. Luckily there aren't many super villains around, and their efforts are normally better spent on bigger targets than just average joes. But you can't jump levels. As in shake hands, nice to meet you, french kiss. So make it known that it's a romantic date (like I make the asking very formal), so she won't be surprised when you put your moves on her. This is my version of the basic general guidelines, you'll have to modify them in accordance to the situation. All guidelines can be ignored under specific conditions. Hence experience trumps all. You need to get experience. The only way, is to do it, over and over again. So this is my theory. Maybe it'll work for you, it has certainly improved my successes.
P&R Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 (edited) Romance sprouted from my friendship... I was friends with her for around 4 months before we started dating.. We'd hang out every day after college for at least 2-3 hours. She admited that at first she was flirting with me but then she wasn't getting any response so she quit flirting. She even told me that she grouped me into the friendzone. One day she during class she looked very nervous and I asked her what was up. My now girlfriend said she was going on a first date and she was very nervous after class. I told her I had to talk to her after class, and I told her that I liked her. A week later she told me that she also liked me and that she had been flirting with me. I wasn't even the only one she was dating. She was dating at least 4-5 other men through a period of 3 and a half months of dating me. I won out over them and gained a relationship out of it. I FEEL LIKE A WINNER! Edited March 18, 2011 by P&R
fishtaco Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Romance sprouted from my friendship... I was friends with her for around 4 months before we started dating.. We'd hang out every day after college for at least 2-3 hours. She admited that at first she was flirting with me but then she wasn't getting any response so she quit flirting. She even told me that she grouped me into the friendzone. One day she during class she looked very nervous and I asked her what was up. My now girlfriend said she was going on a first date and she was very nervous after class. I told her I had to talk to her after class, and I told her that I liked her. A week later she told me that she also liked me and that she had been flirting with me. I wasn't even the only one she was dating. She was dating at least 4-5 other men through a period of 3 and a half months of dating me. I won out over them and gained a relationship out of it. I FEEL LIKE A WINNER! Yes, and if you had hit on her immediately, it would have worked too. She was flirting with you; she liked you already. So being friends first only delayed your relationship for 4 months, and you didn't gain anything from it. I'm glad you're in a good relationship, once the relationships starts, it doesn't really matter how it started. So good for you. But this isn't a convincing example for the "friends first" method.
P&R Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Yes, and if you had hit on her immediately, it would have worked too. She was flirting with you; she liked you already. So being friends first only delayed your relationship for 4 months, and you didn't gain anything from it. I'm glad you're in a good relationship, once the relationships starts, it doesn't really matter how it started. So good for you. But this isn't a convincing example for the "friends first" method. I'm actually glad I went that route... I know it doesn't work very often but I feel it has made my relationship a lot better than it would've been otherwise.
fishtaco Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I'm actually glad I went that route... I know it doesn't work very often but I feel it has made my relationship a lot better than it would've been otherwise. But you do know how easily you could have missed this opportunity. She gave up on you already, because she thought you weren't interested. For 4 long months. A lot of stuff could have happened in 4 months. Either way, I'm glad it worked out for you. But I'm sure you'd agree this is hardly a model of approach other men should follow... ignore the woman that's been flirting with you, then ask her out 4 months later.
P&R Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 (edited) But you do know how easily you could have missed this opportunity. She gave up on you already, because she thought you weren't interested. For 4 long months. A lot of stuff could have happened in 4 months. Either way, I'm glad it worked out for you. But I'm sure you'd agree this is hardly a model of approach other men should follow... ignore the woman that's been flirting with you, then ask her out 4 months later. Oh definitely not. You get far more emotionally invested right off the get go and it makes things more difficult. However I'm not so sure I would have won her over if I had dated her right off the bat. She had a good pool of guys to choose from, and if I didn't make a good impression right off the bat I could have been kicked to the curb. I'm her first relationship, normally she'd date guys for two dates and decide she see them as relationship material. Would I have been able to get her to give me more of a chance in that amount of time? I doubt it. To me this has been my best relationship thus far.. There is something about it, we can relate so well to each other, and we're always on the same wave length. She is a great friend and an equally good lover. Edited March 18, 2011 by P&R
fishtaco Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 To me this has been my best relationship thus far.. There is something about it, we can relate so well to each other, and we're always on the same wave length. She is a great friend and an equally good lover. You're a lucky man. Many people, me included, are looking for something like this. Hasn't happened yet. Well, haha, it did happen for me, but I screwed it up. Lesson learned, but that was a hard lesson. So I'm hoping to make it happen again.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 thanks for the encouragement dreaming, but what if I told you it failed 3 times in one short year? YEAH. I am saying don't give up on the new method right off if it fails. And you should be trying for then three times in a year! You are young, play the numbers!
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