WiltingReese Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Wouldn't this be somewhat justified? I know there is no excuse to cheat but what about doing it to get back at them for what they did to you (before dumping them).
Rose1977 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I don't think it's okay. Instead of being able to leave the relationship as the bigger person, you will have become what you hate about the person who cheated on you. IMO, it's a very immature thing to do. When I was cheated on I was far too heartbroken and damaged to even think about being with another man.
Author WiltingReese Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 I think that's because each person reacts differently towards getting cheated on. Some people are too depressed to even think about cheating back, others are more calmed and willing to worked it out with their and finally certain people get overwhelm with complete rage.
WorldIsYours Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I don't think it's okay. Instead of being able to leave the relationship as the bigger person, you will have become what you hate about the person who cheated on you. IMO, it's a very immature thing to do. When I was cheated on I was far too heartbroken and damaged to even think about being with another man. Agreed. People who cheat because they got cheated on are not better than the first person who cheated. They're only hurting themselves even more by doing the one thing that made them mad and destroyed their marriage in the first place.
Author WiltingReese Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 Agreed. People who cheat because they got cheated on are not better than the first person who cheated. They're only hurting themselves even more by doing the one thing that made them mad and destroyed their marriage in the first place.I know but it's like you never know what cheating can do to you. Many people think it's easy to just leave the cheater but to some, it's like you want to show them who's boss and that you can find someone else too. I guess anger is such a powerful feeling that nothing can conquer it.
WorldIsYours Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I know but it's like you never know what cheating can do to you. Many people think it's easy to just leave the cheater but to some, it's like you want to show them who's boss and that you can find someone else too. I know what cheating can do to a person. I was a victim of it myself, but I still held my guns and remained calm, considerably. I didn't act immature because I was angry and screwed someone else because my ex cheated on me. That would've made me look even more dumber than my ex, and I would've contradicted myself and my moral code. I controlled my actions. That's why you must think before you act. I guess anger is such a powerful feeling that nothing can conquer it. It can be controlled. Just like all other feelings.
Author WiltingReese Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 I'm glad to hear you had enough self-control as not to let anger make you do the same thing. What a horrible feeling you're faced with upon discovery your SO cheated on you. You gave them everything and yet that's the way they pay you! It sure takes a calm person not to want to get even with someone who hurt you really badly.
WorldIsYours Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I'm glad to hear you had enough self-control as not to let anger make you do the same thing. What a horrible feeling you're faced with upon discovery your SO cheated on you. You gave them everything and yet that's the way they pay you! It sure takes a calm person not to want to get even with someone who hurt you really badly. You're darn right it's a horrible feeling. One of the worst ways to hurt someone. But the best revenge I got was dumping her. I realized she was of no use to me and was lower than me, and I didn't want to be reminded everyday of her cheating and disrespect.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 You know what? I am pretty much a hardliner, but I think if it comes within a week or so of DDay, you get a pass. Things happen to your brain to screw with your judgment that drive you to an intensely painful place. Honestly I couldn't follow-through with it myself but I can see how some people almost wouldn't be able to hold back. Your brain just goes into freeport survival mode. I think if I was a guy it would probably be 1000x easier to do it and not be able to control it as much.
Author WiltingReese Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 I think if I was a guy it would probably be 1000x easier to do it and not be able to control it as much.You know something, you're definitely right. When a man cheats, the physical part could have meant nothing for him. According to him, he can still be ''in love'' with his GF or wife while not feeling nothing for the other woman he just screwed. I just don't understand this at all. Nothing makes sense as why a man would cheat on the woman he claims to love. As for men who get cheated on, I also think it's easier for them to move on. They can either have a revenge affair or dump the girl. In the end, they can go to bars and have sex with as many women he wants to and not feel a damn thing for her. In contrast, we either have more self-control and it usually takes more than just he was cute to cheat on a man. One of the reasons can be because man cheated and the woman in anger felt like garbage. It's not just the shocking news but you continue asking yourself what did you fail in? Why did he have to seek pleasure somewhere else? What did the other woman have that you couldn't give to him?
TaraMaiden Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Wouldn't this be somewhat justified? I know there is no excuse to cheat but what about doing it to get back at them for what they did to you (before dumping them). What you're actually doing when you revenge-cheat is proving to them that you still got it, and that you're still desirable. it's a form of self-validation. It boosts your own esteem to know you can screw somebody just like you used to. But it's self-defeating because actually, just like any high, once it wears off, you generally feel a lot worse than before you did it. I know but it's like you never know what cheating can do to you. Many people think it's easy to just leave the cheater but to some, it's like you want to show them who's boss and that you can find someone else too. No, it shows you that your feelings - which ypu have allowed to run away with you - control you and show you who's boss, and that finding someone else to screw is not the same as finding a newer, better, meaningful relationship. It just proves you can spread your legs for/stick your dick in - someone else. I guess anger is such a powerful feeling that nothing can conquer it. if you truly believe that, you are a weaker person than you think. Anger is just an emotion, like any other. It comes form you, and is projected by you - so to say that it can't be conquered is admitting defeat and handing over power to something within you. If that's what you're saying - then you really need to work on that.....
love4me2c Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I revenge cheated. It is probably the biggest mistake I made in my life. I wish I had never done it. It was a terrible time. I was enraged. I wanted to show him. It only hurt me in the end. DON'T DO IT!!!
Author WiltingReese Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 I revenge cheated. It is probably the biggest mistake I made in my life. I wish I had never done it. It was a terrible time. I was enraged. I wanted to show him. It only hurt me in the end. DON'T DO IT!!!I already did it and dumped him within the next days. I have two different feelings as of now. I have no remorse for what I did to him but for me, I feel so disgusted. The end result is that I still feel used. The ONS guy didn't even know he was only used as my revenge tool.
TaraMaiden Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 ...... But it's self-defeating because actually, just like any high, once it wears off, you generally feel a lot worse than before you did it. I rest my case.
What_Next Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 On d-day I lost it completely, and in my infinite wisdom decided I would "date" and that would make it all better. Well I did just that. I got involved with someone, she knew the full story and she should have ran, but that was no excuse on my part. It was a stupid decision and I wish I hadn't. Dreamingoftigers, I sort of agree with you in terms of saying that behavior in the aftermath of D-day is often a result of extreme emotions. To go out and f__k someone might not be the smartest thing in the world, but the reality is many BS's do it. Rightfully so or not.
Woggle Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 If a relationship ever gets to that point it is better to leave.
UnsureinSeattle Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I don't see how it would make you feel any better, as it's not addressing the real problem. You might feel better short-term, but surely not in the long-term.
ladydesigner Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I also had a revenge affair. Although mine happened with a co-worker who had a crush on me and I knew it. We both ended up falling for each other. My AP ended the A. Now I was left with feeling rejected twice, even though I felt like I had gotten my H back. Some days I feel awful I did it and others when I am triggering from my H's A's I feel justified and back and forth. I have no peace from this. My M is better now, but what it took to get to this point, I'm not sure sometimes if it was all worth it. If I didn't have kids I would have just left after D-Day. That's honestly how I feel.
What_Next Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 My M is better now, but what it took to get to this point, I'm not sure sometimes if it was all worth it. If I didn't have kids I would have just left after D-Day. That's honestly how I feel. Wow, almost like you read my mind. I am willing to bet many would feel that way after a revenge affair.
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