parkertammy2010 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 (edited) Im a 29 year old female. I met my ex boyfriend (29 years old) 3 months ago, and we just broke up 7 days ago. I’m heartbroken. We talked on the phone everyday for 3 months, about 10 times a day. I’ve met his family and friends. We planned out future together. We saw each other 3 days a week. I miss him so much and im really attached to him. He told me that he was so happy to know me, until the last week of our relationship. He was just so stubborn and selfish. And we would argue a lot and small problems that could have been fixed if he would have listened. He is a good person though despite his flaws. He was tired of arguing. I wasn’t trying to argue, but I need him to see that he was treating me unfairly a lot. He told me that we moved to fast and didn’t develop a friendship. He said he doesn’t want a relationship with me right now, and that we were going to be friends for now. He called for about 3 days after the breakup, and then he disappeared. I want him back…….I called him. I asked him if he wanted me 100% out of his life, but he kept saying let’s just be friends. I wanted closure, and I needed to know if I was wasting my time contacting him. He sounded annoyed with me. But he called right back and said lets just be friends. He called last night, and said “I haven’t heard from you in a while, how are you, how is school?” The conversation was short and it was over. How do I get this guy back? Does he still care? Do I text him once a week to say hi, what do I do? I don’t want to come on strong and chase him away. I know we havent been together very long, but i opened my heart and fell for him. I feel that he didnt give the relationship a fair chance. He ran at the first sign of arguing, but no relationships are going to be perfect. Edited March 17, 2011 by parkertammy2010
Mcnulty Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Sounds like you've had an intense relationship. 3 months is not a long time and I can identify with his feeling you should slow down. You're moving at different speeds, time to slow it down, keep the relationship on a friends basis for now, give it a few weeks, yes contact him occasionally, once or twice a week, but keep it light, don't go heavy on him, then in 3, 4 weeks, see where you are both at in the relationship. Remember the harder you push, the further he will pull away, let him know you care, but don't get at him straight away for answers. Lots of luck.
heartbrokengrl Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Ive been dating a guy for a little over 2 months. the first 7 weeks was intense, he told his mom about me, his friends knew about me, we had such a great time. then he tried to break it off (twice now) saying he had gotten out of a 8 year relationship who he was engaged to and that he wasn't ready and didn't want to hurt me. I immedaitely went into 5 days NC, then he e-mailed me saying he missed me, then when we hung out the next day, he said he shouldnt have sent that email beacuse he has no love to give and was still hurting from his past relationshp and has never been single before. i talked to him calmy, didnt beg or sound desperate and told him we should relax and there's no reason to rush anything and that we should just enjoy each other. he agreed and didn't want to break up. it's been a week since then and everything is great, but im stil scared to death in my mind he might give up again. i know if he's not ready i should let him go, but how I got him back was NC. it may not work, but it's the only thing you can do so you should do it immediately. give him time to miss you. unless he says he's sorry and wants do it again, don't cave in until he tells you he wants you. u dont want to end up in the friend zone or annoy him. it's true when people say the more u push, the further they pull away. it sucks because ive never had to do this before in past relationships. just give him time to miss you and focus on yourself right now. i know all u want to do is call him and tell him how u feel, but it'll push him away. just expect the worse (he wont want u back) but hope for the best (he may come around) once u give him time to miss you. It's worked for me so far...
Thatguyintx Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 He was just so stubborn and selfish. And we would argue a lot and small problems that could have been fixed if he would have listened. He is a good person though despite his flaws. Not trying to be rude here, but what are your contributions to the relationship failing? I was with someone long ago who told me I was the only one causing issues in the relationship. Funny how the next few relationships she had had issues as well. I must have been involved in those somehow too. All harshness aside, what can you improve in yourself that will help your relationship? Take the focus off him for a moment and look at yourself.
Author parkertammy2010 Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 Not trying to be rude here, but what are your contributions to the relationship failing? I was with someone long ago who told me I was the only one causing issues in the relationship. Funny how the next few relationships she had had issues as well. I must have been involved in those somehow too. All harshness aside, what can you improve in yourself that will help your relationship? Take the focus off him for a moment and look at yourself. In this realtionship, my ex complained that i didnt cook for him or spend the night with him. Those were his only complaints about me. He told me that he wants someone that can bring something to the table and he tried to bully and place demands on me. I paid him lots of attention, talked and listened to him for hours a day, i made the effort to drive to visit him several times a week. He wanted a doormat, and i am sorry i am not a doormat or a maid. So you asked me what i did to cause the realtionship to fail???? Well i spoke up for myself. That caused the end. I should have spoke up for myself in the beginning and i would not have suffered through this heart break. I have had 2 successful long term relationships with good guy for 5 or 7 years we just were not meant for each other, so i have no problems looking at my faults, growing, or changing. I cannot help that i met and developed feelings for a person that is not capable of being self-less,loving, and supportive. Over the last few days ive thought about this situation and im moving on. I cannot force people to change or want to be with me.
Author parkertammy2010 Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 Ive been dating a guy for a little over 2 months. the first 7 weeks was intense, he told his mom about me, his friends knew about me, we had such a great time. then he tried to break it off (twice now) saying he had gotten out of a 8 year relationship who he was engaged to and that he wasn't ready and didn't want to hurt me. I immedaitely went into 5 days NC, then he e-mailed me saying he missed me, then when we hung out the next day, he said he shouldnt have sent that email beacuse he has no love to give and was still hurting from his past relationshp and has never been single before. i talked to him calmy, didnt beg or sound desperate and told him we should relax and there's no reason to rush anything and that we should just enjoy each other. he agreed and didn't want to break up. it's been a week since then and everything is great, but im stil scared to death in my mind he might give up again. i know if he's not ready i should let him go, but how I got him back was NC. it may not work, but it's the only thing you can do so you should do it immediately. give him time to miss you. unless he says he's sorry and wants do it again, don't cave in until he tells you he wants you. u dont want to end up in the friend zone or annoy him. it's true when people say the more u push, the further they pull away. it sucks because ive never had to do this before in past relationships. just give him time to miss you and focus on yourself right now. i know all u want to do is call him and tell him how u feel, but it'll push him away. just expect the worse (he wont want u back) but hope for the best (he may come around) once u give him time to miss you. It's worked for me so far... Hey thanks for writing. Over the last few days i thought about the situation, and i dont want to wait on my ex anymore. I have to move on and take care of myself. I do miss him and care about him, but i dont want to sit around waiting for him to come back to me. I was good to him, and if he doesnt appreciate that then he doesnt deserve me. He was emotional unavailbe to me anyway. He never had emphaty or support for me. It seems as he only cared about his own wants and desires. I was there only to stroke his ego.
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