Does getting out of an LDR lead to healthier rebound relationships?

[vnally]

This guy on an online dating site recently asked me out to coffee. He's absolutely my type and according to the website we're a very strong match, but he just recently ended an eight month relationship with a girl who looks quite a bit like me (though to be fair, he looks like the last guy I dated so I can't really fault him for having a type, too). I've been the rebound before and it didn't end well that time, so I'm a little wary about putting myself in that situation again.

 

However, I also know the last couple of months of his relationship were very long distance - across coasts, to be specific. This makes me wonder if maybe the reason he's throwing himself back out onto the dating scene so soon is because having been away from his ex for so long is making it easier for him to emotionally move on.

 

I'm obviously not going to expect anything serious from this guy upon first meeting him (it's just coffee, after all, and websites can be wrong), but what are the chances that he's over his ex enough so we'll at least be able to get along and have fun without things being too awkward? I don't want him to be comparing me to her in his head all the time, after all. Has anyone else ever dealt with this sort of thing first-hand?

 

Thanks!

[Kelter82]

This is one of those things you can't predict. If you go for coffee and he genuinely seems interested in YOU (asks you a lot of questions rather than talks a lot about himself and, worse, his ex) then that's a good sign. I know personally when I'm "on the rebound" it's more about some kind of instant gratification (such as someone else complimenting me and showing interest on me - I don't mean sex) than it is about us enjoying being with eachother.

 

Two cases:

 

A. I broke up with my long-time boyfriend. A week or two later I was going on dates with a guy who I liked but didn't feel any real spark with. Mainly he just made me feel wanted. This led to an inevitable parting but we are still friends. No tears were shed.

 

B. I broke up with another long-time boyfriend. A month goes by and I meet another guy, this time overseas. We spend a good deal of time together... basically just ENJOYING eachother. Flirting, cuddling, laughing, just enjoying being beside the other. It was a shame saying goodbye to him but it had to be done. Once I was back home we chatted almost every day online and sometimes via skype. A few months ago I had some cash and flew to meet him, at which point he told me he loves me... now he's coming to see me in two weeks. So, what started out as a rebound turned into something truly amazing.

 

It's a risk, but hey if you click, why not take it? If you don't click then it's no skin off your back. Even if he is on the rebound there's nothing saying you can't work out... Just go with the flow

[lonely79]

see, i dont really buy into the whole rebound idea. sure, sometime people aren't over their ex, and sometimes people just need attention and to feel loved. that can always happen, rebound or not. I know that its more likely to be the case when youve recently broken up with someone, but its not a rule, i dont think. I would just watch for signs that he might not be over his ex or not really into YOU, and go from there. but don't automatically discount it as a "rebound" just cuz he has recently broken up with someone.

 

BUT just because his ex was long distance doesnt mean that he can more easily move on. If my LD SO and I broke up I would be totally heartbroken, LD or not.

[HeavenOrHell]

There's no set rules when it comes to r/ships and people, everyone is different.

It could depend on a few things, how much he loved her, how he felt when they broke up, how he feels now, whether he's looking to replace with her with someone like her (not good). Could you sound him out subtley, ie you could say you hope it wasn't too a painful break up for him.

They weren't together very long and yes it may be that he can move on more quickly if they've not been together in person for a while, easier than if they'd had daily contact.

If they'd been together years then it would take longer.

I was with my ex 18 years and met my current partner 9 months later, I wasn't looking to replace my ex, even though I was still in love with him when we split, I didn't do any major comparisons, just little ones now and again, things like X would have said that, or X would have done it like that, but they were tiny insignificant things.

I doubt your guy would do much comparing as he wasn't in a very LTR.

Good luck!

 

This guy on an online dating site recently asked me out to coffee. He's absolutely my type and according to the website we're a very strong match, but he just recently ended an eight month relationship with a girl who looks quite a bit like me (though to be fair, he looks like the last guy I dated so I can't really fault him for having a type, too). I've been the rebound before and it didn't end well that time, so I'm a little wary about putting myself in that situation again.

 

However, I also know the last couple of months of his relationship were very long distance - across coasts, to be specific. This makes me wonder if maybe the reason he's throwing himself back out onto the dating scene so soon is because having been away from his ex for so long is making it easier for him to emotionally move on.

 

I'm obviously not going to expect anything serious from this guy upon first meeting him (it's just coffee, after all, and websites can be wrong), but what are the chances that he's over his ex enough so we'll at least be able to get along and have fun without things being too awkward? I don't want him to be comparing me to her in his head all the time, after all. Has anyone else ever dealt with this sort of thing first-hand?

 

Thanks!

[creighton0123]

You can't necessarily know how things are for him. Chances are, given the turn around time, that he was emotionally prepared for the breakup before the breakup happened.

 

The rebound idea is flawed and based on a false claim that everyone needs time to get over being in a relationship after it ends. Perhaps it ended quite well between him and his ex.

 

Either way, he asked you out for coffee (cliche if you ask me)... aren't you overthinking coffee too much? You won't really know his intentions until you meet in person. Perhaps he's going in only wanting a quick date and some company, a short term dating mentality. It could feel wrong and you have a horrible date. It could feel wrong and you have an excellent date. It could feel right and you could only have one date. Proverbial sparks could fly and you meet the man of your dreams.

 

Go out for coffee. Don't discuss the ex.

[vnally]

Thanks, everyone! (And yes I am fully aware that I am overanalyzing things... I can't help it, I'm neurotic and it's been a while since I've went on a date, so there you go)