PorkRinds Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 The broad issue being confronted is, "Can a betrayed spouse trust their cheating/formerly cheating spouse to be fully honest in the future?" This is much broader than just "never technically cheating" again. Kansas, you gave YOUR situation as an example of "success." So to that extent, your sich is relevant, because my understanding of it, is that you've never come totally clean with your h about the extent of your affair. You're still hiding aspects of it from him. True? False?
confusedinkansas Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 The broad issue being confronted is, "Can a betrayed spouse trust their cheating/formerly cheating spouse to be fully honest in the future?" This is much broader than just "never technically cheating" again. Kansas, you gave YOUR situation as an example of "success." So to that extent, your sich is relevant, because my understanding of it, is that you've never come totally clean with your h about the extent of your affair. You're still hiding aspects of it from him. True? False? I have answered your question by beginning another thread - instead of answering on someone elses
drifter777 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Found out yesterday that my wife of 18 years had an affair 14 years ago. We were young and there were some rough patches, but to cross that line when you are still married is B.S. Now that there are children involved I can't just walk away. I told her before we were married that any infidelity would end our marriage. So she kept it her own secret over all this time and did not tell anyone so I would not find out and dump her. I cant help rethinking all of the details of everything back then and how this could of happened. I guess with a plan anything works out. She is absolutely terrified I am going to leave her and the kids. She is overwhelmed with sorrow is believe she really is sorry. I can't help but be upset that I didn't have a chose in the matter when it happened. I would of left her and she knew it and didn't tell me. Scott - Your marriage has been destroyed and you must leave before it destroys you. Every man with a cheating wife regrets every second he stayed with her after finding out because it never stops eating you up. Don't waste the rest of your life - get out NOW! The kids are better off with a dad who has his self respect and is happy than with an angry, bitter man who hates their mother. Staying in the marriage might seem like the easier path, but the "easy" path is the wrong path and you will begin to heal faster when you start a new life. I'm sorry for your trouble and wish you peace.
WorldIsYours Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Scott - Your marriage has been destroyed and you must leave before it destroys you. Every man with a cheating wife regrets every second he stayed with her after finding out because it never stops eating you up. Don't waste the rest of your life - get out NOW! The kids are better off with a dad who has his self respect and is happy than with an angry, bitter man who hates their mother. Staying in the marriage might seem like the easier path, but the "easy" path is the wrong path and you will begin to heal faster when you start a new life. I'm sorry for your trouble and wish you peace. Great post.
DitkasMoustache Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 This seems an unusual situation. My guess is that neither you nor your W are the same people you were 14 years ago. This is gonna take a lot of sober, serious introspection on your part so put me in the camp advising you to tread slowly and cautiously. And like others I think it'd be helpful to know how you learned of your W's A. Best of luck to you, sir. My heart goes out to you.
Memphis Raines Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Scott - Your marriage has been destroyed and you must leave before it destroys you. Every man with a cheating wife regrets every second he stayed with her after finding out because it never stops eating you up. Don't waste the rest of your life - get out NOW! The kids are better off with a dad who has his self respect and is happy than with an angry, bitter man who hates their mother. I absolutely agree. This is the exact situation with my own kids. They have a happier father. Not only that, I am now able to enjoy my time with my children. Whereas before the divorce my mind was a mess and didn't give my full attention to my time with them.
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