How to cope with seeing girls all the time when you can't get one.

March 18, 2011

Move to a shack in the mountains and take up sheep herding.

Be as avoidant as possible and never ever deal with the issue, perhaps become addicted to something. Addicts are able to avoid things like reality very well.

Take a pill or something that chemically castrates you.

Masturbate to gay porn until you change over to the other side.

That's all I can think of for now.

March 18, 2011

Btw, it might seem 'cute' to some women if a guy is in his early twenties and is still a virgin. But at my age, 35, most women would just see me as creepy.

March 18, 2011

Your photos don 't show any reason to be womanless.

Which pic do I look the most attractive in?

March 18, 2011

Btw, it might seem 'cute' to some women if a guy is in his early twenties and is still a virgin. But at my age, 35, most women would just see me as creepy.

When I was 20 I dated a 33 year old virgin. Some women have that same conquest thing as guys. Like I said, it's a niche thing.

First pic is better, are you going to use it to Identify you in case you go missing in the mountains?

As well the V Card would be less creepy to a broader range if women if you packaged it as an intentional thing, it also creates a sense of demand. Like you've been pushing them away for 15 years because you've got something going on for yourself.

Half of dating is marketing. It's just weird like that.

Truly truly a lot of guys think that they can't be total sluts because of their looks (not saying that this is your goal) but I have seen some ass-ugly guys be the biggest sluts because they make themselves available for that.

March 18, 2011

You were almost cute in both pictures. I say "almost" because your expression says "get away. I don't like you." My guess would be that most women would find you very unapproachable.

Could you take a picture of yourself smiling? I bet if you had a full-on smile on your face--you know, the kind of smile that makes the corners of your eyes wrinkle up--your eyes would light up and more people would find you approachable.

My advice for you, in terms of how to cope with "women not wanting you" is to become more active in general with life and SMILE at people. Say hello to people, even if you're just buying coffee from someone. Volunteer, go out with friends, go dancing. Smile at the people that you just accidentally run into as you say, "Excuse me." Get a dog. Go for walks. Smile at the people and nod and say hello to them as you pass by.

Forget about meeting women, and instead focus on interacting with PEOPLE. Get to a place where you are comfortable being around people in the world. Where you feel like you belong to the world as much as anyone else in it. If you accomplish that, you might find that your original question is no longer necessary to ask.

March 18, 2011

You were almost cute in both pictures. I say "almost" because your expression says "get away. I don't like you." My guess would be that most women would find you very unapproachable.

Could you take a picture of yourself smiling? I bet if you had a full-on smile on your face--you know, the kind of smile that makes the corners of your eyes wrinkle up--your eyes would light up and more people would find you approachable.

My advice for you, in terms of how to cope with "women not wanting you" is to become more active in general with life and SMILE at people. Say hello to people, even if you're just buying coffee from someone. Volunteer, go out with friends, go dancing. Smile at the people that you just accidentally run into as you say, "Excuse me." Get a dog. Go for walks. Smile at the people and nod and say hello to them as you pass by.

Forget about meeting women, and instead focus on interacting with PEOPLE. Get to a place where you are comfortable being around people in the world. Where you feel like you belong to the world as much as anyone else in it. If you accomplish that, you might find that your original question is no longer necessary to ask.

I wasn't feeling angry or anything in the pictures, I felt quite good actually, and I felt like I was smiling a bit. The reason why I don't smile properly in them is because I think I look like a bit of a goof ball when I do that.

However when I intereract with people I do smile and I am friendly. In fact it's funny you should mention what you mentioned, since I nearly bumped into a girl today, and I smiled properly and she smiled back.

Obviously though, this hasn't gotten me anywhere.

March 18, 2011

When I was 20 I dated a 33 year old virgin. Some women have that same conquest thing as guys. Like I said, it's a niche thing.

First pic is better, are you going to use it to Identify you in case you go missing in the mountains?

As well the V Card would be less creepy to a broader range if women if you packaged it as an intentional thing, it also creates a sense of demand. Like you've been pushing them away for 15 years because you've got something going on for yourself.

Half of dating is marketing. It's just weird like that.

Truly truly a lot of guys think that they can't be total sluts because of their looks (not saying that this is your goal) but I have seen some ass-ugly guys be the biggest sluts because they make themselves available for that.

Lol, if there's no broadband in the mountains then I'm not going.

I would totally be a slut if I could, but unfortunatley, no one wants me.

March 18, 2011

Btw, it might seem 'cute' to some women if a guy is in his early twenties and is still a virgin. But at my age, 35, most women would just see me as creepy.

My ex girlfriend didn't see me as creepy being a virgin at 31.. and four years difference is nothing.

I suggest you stop making up these things you believe to be true, when in reality you don't know. Sure, some women might judge you for being a virgin, but if they're that shallow, you're way better off without them. I've read plenty of threads on the subject where women say a guy being a virgin wouldn't be (or wasn't) a problem for them, or is something they actually find desirable and exciting.

Your photos are fine. I'd say your haircut in the first suits you the best. I wish I still had a head of hair!

And get rid of that signature.

March 18, 2011

I am just curious but how would you know if a girl wanted you or not? What would that look like?

How and where do you go to meet girls and interact with them?

I am willing to bet it is all about awkwardness and being uncomfortable within the first ten seconds.

Can I ask you something that may seem oddly unrelated.... Do you by chance have a somewhat strict or overbearing mother?

March 19, 2011

Can I ask you something that may seem oddly unrelated.... Do you by chance have a somewhat strict or overbearing mother?

My thought exactly.

March 19, 2011

I am just curious but how would you know if a girl wanted you or not? What would that look like?

How and where do you go to meet girls and interact with them?

I am willing to bet it is all about awkwardness and being uncomfortable within the first ten seconds.

Can I ask you something that may seem oddly unrelated.... Do you by chance have a somewhat strict or overbearing mother?

Yeah I do. What made you think that?

March 19, 2011

Sure, some women might judge you for being a virgin, but if they're that shallow, you're way better off without them.

I wouldn't really agree with that. I think it's completely normal for a woman to think a guy is creepy, or it must at least be a giant red flag and therefore off putting, for a guy my age to still be a virgin. And it'd be how most women would think. It doesn't mean it's them who have the problem.

March 19, 2011

I am just curious but how would you know if a girl wanted you or not? What would that look like?

Hard to explain. But whenever I thought someone may have been interested in me, I have always found out or realised that they aren't. In some cases I've found out that they don't even like me at all as a friend and think I'm ugly.

How and where do you go to meet girls and interact with them?

I used to meet them through friends and work.

Now I only see them and occasionally and briefly interact with them when I go shopping, get my hair cut, or go to an appointment, like say the opticians or something.

I am willing to bet it is all about awkwardness and being uncomfortable within the first ten seconds.

Pretty much, depends really. The more social and informal somethig is, the more it's like what you describe. But there have still been plenty of social informal occasions where I've met girls and it wasn't like what you describe, yet still, nothing ever happens.

What made you think that?

March 19, 2011

Yeah I do. What made you think that?

I'm not a psychologist but I'll let you know what many psychologists would say about this one: When a young boy is raised by a strict, overbearing, hard-to-please mother, guess what happens as he grows up? He often feels as if no woman will want him because he learned from his mother that nothing he is or nothing he does is good enough to make a woman love him.

The message is untrue and the belief untrue. But the mother is the most important female figure in a boy's life, and the messages she sends to her child become fact in that child's mind. Because those messages have been instilled for so many years over childhood--when a child is most susceptible--it's very difficult for the child to see that the idea is false when he becomes an adult.

I know from your other posts you've already seen a therapist. I know that it's financially difficult for you to do continue doing so and that getting scheduled with a therapist can often take a long time for you. But whether you can afford it or not, and whether you can find a therapist or not, you need to know that you'll never shake the false belief that you've grown up with until you talk through it with a qualified (and competent) professional.

What you think is true about women and about yourself IS NOT TRUE. You can prove it to yourself by looking around the world and seeing men who you know are less attractive and successful than you believe yourself to be, who also have girlfriends, who are married to women, who have families. If they have found women and you haven't, then it must not be that women would not want you. It must be that you do not believe you deserve them.

Those men who might be less attractive or successful, still felt they deserved a chance, so they were confident enough to live their lives and engage in activities that would help them meet other people. They felt deserving enough to strike up conversations with women and to ask the ones they liked out. They weren't devastated when a woman said no, because they realized that it wasn't because they weren't deserving of love, but because that that particular woman wasn't the right one for them. Eventually, they asked the right woman to dinner or wherever, and she said yes, and they hit it off and found their partner. But they were confident enough to ask and they were not deterred from asking someone else they liked when just one woman turned them down.

From what I can tell from your posts, you're not letting yourself go through that process. You're assuming every woman will say no just because of isolated experience with a handful of women. I'm not even sure you've ever directly asked a woman you were attracted to out for coffee, or for a date?

You are right that all women will not love you. As humans, we are not meant to feel a connection with everyone we meet. But some women will, if you were confident enough to try to find them and give them a chance. What you believe about all women is not true.

Saying that to you is all I can do from here. The rest is up to you.

March 19, 2011

Nope, I've never asked a woman out for a date, or even indirectly.

I would love to see a threapist, but I feel like I may be annoying my doctor due to other reasons.

Maybe if I could ever afford it one day, then I'd definatley see one. But I'm afraid it could be when I'm a lot older. In only 5 years I'll be 40, and right now I don't even have a career. Although I don't feel anywhere near even being in my early 30's.

March 19, 2011

Nope, I've never asked a woman out for a date, or even indirectly.

I would love to see a threapist, but I feel like I may be annoying my doctor due to other reasons.

Maybe if I could ever afford it one day, then I'd definatley see one. But I'm afraid it could be when I'm a lot older. In only 5 years I'll be 40, and right now I don't even have a career. Although I don't feel anywhere near even being in my early 30's.

Then why not focus on a career, rather than on women? A "career" can be as simple as delivering newspapers or working at a coffee shop. It could be taking a computer class or enrolling in a technical college. You can start small and work up from there. Less intimidating, I would think. And when you can support yourself, it does wonders for your self-esteem.

March 19, 2011

Ross once you posted a pic of yourslef that was over a year ago I think...

You are an attractive guy but attractiveness also means that you have a good attitude and are confident too. Maybe you should hire a dating coach to give you that extra push that you need. Going through life without experiencing that kind of passion is just not acceptable.

March 19, 2011

I'm not a psychologist but I'll let you know what many psychologists would say about this one: When a young boy is raised by a strict, overbearing, hard-to-please mother, guess what happens as he grows up? He often feels as if no woman will want him because he learned from his mother that nothing he is or nothing he does is good enough to make a woman love him.

The message is untrue and the belief untrue. But the mother is the most important female figure in a boy's life, and the messages she sends to her child become fact in that child's mind. Because those messages have been instilled for so many years over childhood--when a child is most susceptible--it's very difficult for the child to see that the idea is false when he becomes an adult.

I know from your other posts you've already seen a therapist. I know that it's
financially difficult for you to do continue doing so and that getting scheduled with a therapist can often take a long time for you. But whether you can afford it or not, and whether you can find a therapist or not, you need to know that you'll never shake the false belief that you've grown up with until you talk through it with a qualified (and competent) professional.

What you think is true about women and about yourself IS NOT TRUE. You can prove it to yourself by looking around the world and seeing men who you know are less attractive and successful than you believe yourself to be, who also
have girlfriends, who are married to women, who have families. If they have found women and you haven't, then it must not be that women would not want you. It must be that you do not believe you deserve them.

Those men who might be less attractive or successful, still felt they deserved a chance, so they were confident enough to live their lives and engage in activities that would help them meet other people. They felt deserving enough to strike up conversations with women and to ask the ones they liked out.
They weren't devastated when a woman said no, because they realized that it wasn't because they weren't deserving of love, but because that that particular woman wasn't the right one for them. Eventually, they asked the right woman to dinner or wherever, and she said yes, and they hit it off and found their partner. But they were confident enough to ask and they were not deterred from asking someone else they liked when just one woman turned them down.

From what I can tell from your posts, you're not letting yourself go through that process. You're assuming every woman will say no just because of
isolated experience with a handful of women. I'm not even sure you've ever directly asked a woman you were attracted to out for coffee, or for a date?

You are right that all women will not love you. As humans, we are not meant to feel a connection with everyone we meet. But some women will, if you were confident enough to try to find them and give them a chance. What you believe about all women is not true.

Saying that to you is all I can do from here. The rest is up to you.

Josie54, bang on to what I was thinking.

Every. Single. One. Of my ex boyfriends has had quite the overbearing mother. You talk like someone I would have dated when I was much younger (hearing people decimate themselves triggers my co-dependency flag).

The majority if my boyfriends had low self-esteem and social awkwardness. I could also relate them them almost magically because I had an abusive opposite-gender parent that obliterated my self-esteem. Many of the guys I dated also had trouble with sex, either getting it or they turned out later to be gay (not saying that you are gay but if you were then yay for you).

What made these guys go through Hell getting a gf was the fact that they couldn't even bring themselves to talk to women.

The reason I ended up dating these guys was simply because of my own issues. I would feel bad for them at the same time as feeling bad about myself and I so wanted to be loved, then who better then the guy who thinks he will never be loved?

The vast majority of these guys were 100% shocked that I would give them the time of day, much less date them. I felt safer around these guys then the ones that would ask me out. I was scared of a lot of the guys who asked me out being controlling or predatorial. My mother instilled that fear in me.

But trust me, you wouldn't want to date the girl that I was. I wasn't happy and no one could ever have loved me enough.

I have a very strong feeling that you are the type of guy that would have to be hit over the head with a woman's interest in order to figure out that she might have done a double-take on you. The vast majority of my exes were like that too. Even when I made it pretty damn obvious. NO offense, but you low self-esteem guys are pretty dense in that department. Also you tend to rebuff women who are even being friendly pretty quickly.

I don't think that my exes weren't interested or anything but I could see past the awkwardness and the need not to offend. Aside from my exes I rarely showed any interest in anyone because I didn't want them to feel weird, and I didn't feel like I had a chance with even the average guy. I thought only someone who was hurting for love like I was would accept and understand me.

In your case, you probably can't gauge a woman's interest worth ****. No Offence, it is probably like a foreign language to you. I had trouble figuring it out with guys too, and it shocked me when I figured out the level of interest I actually got! (lesson 1: when a guy looks at you like a fat man looks at fried chicken, he might just be interested. Lol.)

As well, willing to bet that your mind closes off a bit and does a perceived rejection from women even before you open your mouth.

1. You see attractive woman.

2. Oh ****, don't look over in my direction!

3. Oh crap, she's headed my way. (you look down).

4. "do you know how to get to the subway from here?"

5. You avert your eyes, start rattling off directions doing anything to avoid eye contact and appear extremely uncomfortable in your own skin.

6. "oh thank you, have a nice day."

7. ".... Um yeah..... Ur welcome...."

8. You book it out of there because it was so awkward.

To you, you are almost giving her some kind of respect, and inside you are quivering. To her, she asked something simple and you looked like you would rather be on another planet then say two words to her. Odds are if I made someone that uncomfortable, I'd want to book it out if there too.

Practice that first 10 seconds with every woman you see, every single one. Old, young, black, white, single, married, amputee whatever. Get to the point where you smile at every single woman, and even say a quick greeting to them without looking at the ground or ceiling. Catch them off-guard if you must. You may only get 50% greeting you back.

This doesn't mean that you will be dating in a week. What this does is gets you more comfortable with the first 10 seconds. As well, greeting and smiling makes you a nice guy, it isn't offensive at all and it is a rarer quality nowadays. You will feel very uncomfortable at first. Do it until you get used to it, do it until it doesn't feel creepy anymore. It is one of those small, radical changes. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Just one small change.

Sometimes with my exes (okay two if them) they discovered that they might just be able to attract a woman. The 33 year old ex really cracked me up actually. He decided that since he "got" me that he had to make up for lost time. So idiot-stick went out and started asking out every 18-20 year old he could find. No such luck. Just because you get one date with a nice girl doesn't mean you should set her on ice and try to be the King either. You'll be be an ass and most likely botch a really good chance with someone .

Him and I weren't exactly a match made in Heaven but he really treated that stupidly. Lol as for missing interest signals, just before he met me he was living in this rooming house and there was this cute blonde across the hall that he had liked and one night she asked him if he would like to come over to her room and watch some sappy romantic comedy. He said no! Because he had to work in the morning and it sounded like a stupid movie! Duh!

Something tells me that you have more chances then you think you do, it isn't a biological thing as much as it is what you do with what you were given.

March 19, 2011

Nope, I've never asked a woman out for a date, or even indirectly.

I would love to see a threapist, but I feel like I may be annoying my doctor due to other reasons.

Maybe if I could ever afford it one day, then I'd definatley see one. But I'm afraid it could be when I'm a lot older. In only 5 years I'll be 40, and right now I don't even have a career. Although I don't feel anywhere near even being in my early 30's.

Oh yeah, someone had an overbearing Mom, no doubt.

Okay, seriously look up a book on emotions and boundaries, you are not responsible for dealing with your doctor for being annoyed. If you have annoyed your doctor, then it is his or her tough luck. Okay? They are there in a professional capacity to assist you, and that includes your mental health.

Could you imagine them turning you away at the emergency room with a broken leg because you were yelling in pain and that annoyed them? No. That would be ridiculous, right?

Your mental health directly impacts your quality of life. The fact that you feel unmateable directly impacts your quality of life. Annoy your doctor for God's sakes. If it took annoying your doctor 23 times to get laid and/or have a girlfriend, wouldn't you do it?

(by the way, if that is what it takes, post it up in some of the sexless marriage threads).

Btw, I know that you are into the porn. I know I will probably get the gang-up here but if you have trouble interacting with women, porn is going to set you up for sone further isolation and some very different ways of seeing women. I'll leave it at that, you can google more information about that if you want, or PM me. Whatever.

(I suggest not googling "porn women isolated" if you want the info on that though.

March 20, 2011

1. You see attractive woman.
2. Oh ****, don't look over in my direction!
3. Oh crap, she's headed my way. (you look down).
4. "do you know how to get to the subway from here?"
5. You avert your eyes, start rattling off directions doing anything to avoid eye contact and appear extremely uncomfortable in your own skin.
6. "oh thank you, have a nice day."
7. ".... Um yeah..... Ur welcome...."
8. You book it out of there because it was so awkward.

I'm not that bad at all.

Whenever I see an attractive woman, I always want her to look my way.

If an attractive woman headed in my direction, sure I'd feel quite nervous, but I wouldn't look down. And I don't avoid eye contact when women speak to me either. Sometimes I even smile.

March 20, 2011

Oh yeah, someone had an overbearing Mom, no doubt.

Okay, seriously look up a book on emotions and boundaries, you are not responsible for dealing with your doctor for being annoyed. If you have annoyed your doctor, then it is his or her tough luck. Okay? They are there in a professional capacity to assist you, and that includes your mental health.

Could you imagine them turning you away at the emergency room with a broken leg because you were yelling in pain and that annoyed them? No. That would be ridiculous, right?

Your mental health directly impacts your quality of life. The fact that you feel unmateable directly impacts your quality of life. Annoy your doctor for God's sakes. If it took annoying your doctor 23 times to get laid and/or have a girlfriend, wouldn't you do it?

(by the way, if that is what it takes, post it up in some of the sexless marriage threads).

Btw, I know that you are into the porn. I know I will probably get the gang-up here but if you have trouble interacting with women, porn is going to set you up for sone further isolation and some very different ways of seeing women. I'll leave it at that, you can google more information about that if you want, or PM me. Whatever.

(I suggest not googling "porn women isolated" if you want the info on that though.

I've already hassled him many times for tyring different medications for my anxiety and depression, and to see a therapist again to help me to be able to deal with certain things in life.

I haven't found that porn has made it harder for me to interact with women, in fact it seems to have the opposite effect.

Whatever the case there is no way I'd ever stop watching it, as before I had access to it (before there was the Internet), I felt absolutley sexually frustrated and miserable.

As for it affecting the way I see women, well, I don't go walking around thinking all women regulary have spit roasts, and enjoy getting facials if that's what you mean. Lol.

Edited March 20, 2011 by Ross PK

March 20, 2011

I'm not that bad at all.

Whenever I see an attractive woman, I always want her to look my way.

If an attractive woman headed in my direction, sure I'd feel quite nervous, but I wouldn't look down. And I don't avoid eye contact when women speak to me either. Sometimes I even smile.

That being the case them you are 10 miles ahead of a lot of guys. Now, what about an average woman?

March 20, 2011

That being the case them you are 10 miles ahead of a lot of guys. Now, what about an average woman?

I do the same with average and less than average women. I find the majority of women to be really hot.

March 20, 2011

Do you get far conversationally usually?

March 20, 2011

I just want to say that, for me, a guy who automatically dismisses me as not deeming him worthy of a relationship immediately would be a total turn off. What does it say about you? That you aren't worth my time. What does it say about how you perceive me? That you think the following about me: I am shallow, that I can easily dismiss people as being meaningless by a first impression, that I am not worth an effort or getting to know, I am not worth putting your heart on the line for, and that you think I am just like every other woman from your perception. Not a good way to start off a relationship...

On the flip side I am as equally turned off to men who think they are God's gift to womanhood and that every single woman on earth does nothing by trip over herself in desperation to be with him. Yuck.

If you want a woman quit thinking of women as two dimensional and view them as an individual who each has her own heart and mind and desires. There is someone out there that desires what you have to offer. But maybe your perceptions of her and other women chased her off.

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