Missingl Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) Ok I am new to this forum but I am so confused at the moment I need some advice. So I was dating a guy when I first got divorced and fell for him very quickly. He seemed to fall for me as well and then abruptly ended it saying that an ex he wasn't over came back into the picture. He came back saying it didn't compare to what we had and he loved me. We had what I thought was the perfect relationship and then he started pulling away again. This time saying it was about his kids. So I let him go yet again but with a little more resistance. He came back and we dated only twice and then no phone calls and a long email a week later saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship but would like a FWB arrangement. I'm not typically that kind of girl but basically took him how ever I could and agreed to the arrangement. We talked alot and he told me he still wasn't over that first x he had broken it off for so long ago. He basically said to me that night that he sees now that we are just friends because he can talk about other girls with me. He texts me almost every day I tried to play it cool and say things (when he says lets watch a movie) like or we could just have sex (I think more to get his reaction) and he came back with I want to be more than just sex - I want to hang out and talk and stuff. Then the last time I saw him I asked him about someone and he said he didn't want to talk about other girls. Then he told me he called it off with the other girl he was seeing because he just didn't have time to put into the whole relationship thing and he was happy with our arrangement. But when ever we start talking he talks about finding the one and just knowing and having that feeling. but then he said to me the other day if I tell you I love you while we are sleeping together we have to make an agreement that it is what it is and I don't mean it. My response was no L words during the deed, if you feel you need to say it at that moment say it in your head and not a loud. I am so confused because I truly think that I love him, but I can't get a read on him for how he feels about me. He texts me when he is sick when his kids have problems etc. Is he stringing me along or do you think he could possibly want me to be his girlfriend or maybe more someday. Uggg please please help Edited March 16, 2011 by Missingl
JohnnyCage Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Are you serious?? You are his "booty call" and nothing else.
Author Missingl Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 Really? Yeah guess I am a little naive. So you don't think that he wants anything more and is just confused?
Kindaconfused_77 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 It seems to me you are giving him everything he wants whenever he wants it so he has no reason to change things the way they are now. As long as he doesnt have the threat of losing you he will feel free to keep looking for what he considers "the one" while having you as a comfort blanket and ego stroker on the side too. If you could have your cake AND eat it too, would you change too?
Lovelybird Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 man will do as little as they can. If he already gets everything, why he wants more that require his efforts and responsibility?
Author Missingl Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 Thanks all - so I guess my question now is - do you think he would put in more effort if I pulled back and didn't give in or would he just simply walk away? I did just notice that he is on the dating site we met on checking things out. I am doomed in this aren't I? I just can't help but think that he has feeling for me but doesn't want to hurt me because he is still hung up on this first girl who doesn't want him. I am in a fairytale thinking i will ever be his one - huh
Kindaconfused_77 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Well sadly he already is hurting you by stringing you along, knowing or unknowingly, with the faint hope he may some day wake up and realise he only wants you. You need to communicate to him that him seeing other people, the whole FWB thing isn't doing it for you and he needs to know what he wants for your own peace of mind. Maybe the threat of losing you entirely is the wake up call he needs to realise what he had all along, and if it isn't at least you will be able to get over this situation and move on with your life. Either way, at least you will have some peace of mind.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 You are fairy tale thinking. As soon as a man tells you he just wants sex only, he will never see you as anything else. He told you straight up he doesnt want a relationship, he isnt over his ex, and you keep going with it. Just ask him if he will ever want a full relationship from you anytime soon, and you will get everything but a yes, which is a no. if you pull back he will say what he has to - to keep the sex going, but dont fall for it. Dont chase him when theres plenty of single guys ready to give you their 100%. This guy will never love you. he has no feelings for you, thats why he is on the dating site looking for the next women who will - in his mind - hopefully make him forget about his ex. You didnt do it for him.
Lovelybird Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Thanks all - so I guess my question now is - do you think he would put in more effort if I pulled back and didn't give in or would he just simply walk away? I did just notice that he is on the dating site we met on checking things out. I am doomed in this aren't I? I just can't help but think that he has feeling for me but doesn't want to hurt me because he is still hung up on this first girl who doesn't want him. I am in a fairytale thinking i will ever be his one - huh nothing can guarrantee he will want to offer what you want. but definitely you need to back off from sex, completely, for your own sanity and self respect sounds like he only wants one who doesn't want him
Author Missingl Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) Wow and Ouch - thanks again all and Eddie - I think you are my biggest wake up call. I just wrote him an email and broke it off, even though I am actually crying like a baby over here, I know it's the best thing for my sanity. Thank you all for your wonderful advice. You guys are awesome and I am glad that I joined Edited March 16, 2011 by Missingl
JohnnyCage Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Seriously you dont have to cry. Just be glad that you are rid of the loser and go and enjoy the day.
yessy21 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 He is unfortunatley... just stringing you along. Im sorry... U wanna see how far he goes? start dating other people. watch how he either tries to take the situation into control or he lets u go. that will tell u wether or not he wants u to be his girl. Say things like... I like to F*** u but that doesnt mean im not going to stop dating because i want to find The one also. and smile. his heart will sink to the bottom of his chest if he loves u.
Author Missingl Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 Thanks guys, he actually emailed me back and said I admire your integrity. Does this mean you need a complete break, or can we still talk and maybe even hang out (no sex)? What the hell does this mean - Uggg
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depplover_1980 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Thanks guys, he actually emailed me back and said I admire your integrity. Does this mean you need a complete break, or can we still talk and maybe even hang out (no sex)? What the hell does this mean - Uggg I would tell him you need time, so effectively you are now dumping him. Then take a few weeks getting used to not having him around and see how you feel about it all.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Thanks guys, he actually emailed me back and said I admire your integrity. Does this mean you need a complete break, or can we still talk and maybe even hang out (no sex)? What the hell does this mean - Uggg Dont even worry about it, dont even answer a guy that is on the dating site again after dealing with you. It hurts now, but after bieng on this site for a while, you will see these things coming... and know how to avoid them.
yessy21 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Dont even worry about it, dont even answer a guy that is on the dating site again after dealing with you. It hurts now, but after bieng on this site for a while, you will see these things coming... and know how to avoid them. Eddie u are correctomundo. I learned that the hard way.
ver13 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Sounds like the perfect situation for him in so many ways I mean whenever, however and as much as I can get without investing anything. You said that you just got "D" and that you feel for him right after you started dating? Maybe you need to switch roles with him, I mean live a little without commitment. You just got out of a pretty heavy relationship(M). You might need to truly live single for a few just to get your radar functioning right again. M and D are very demanding endeavors you need to spend some uncommited time to recover, stop chasing him.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Eddie u are correctomundo. I learned that the hard way. We all did yessy, thankfully this site came up when I did a google search .
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