Mixed28 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 In a perfect or near perfect world the dumpee assuming they were a good partner would find someone before the dumper I have noticed that is rarely the case. Its not a race but still. My ex found someone else and here I am still single. I think in these situations you should say screw it and forget finding someone for a while especially in college.
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 The dumper always, but always finds someone else first. you know why? Because that "someone else" was probably already waiting in the wings, or in on the act, before the dumper dumped you. In other words, they didn't find someone else. They already had someone else and had to offload the dumpee.
roman_pavluchenko Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 yup, my dumper being the amazing person i thought she was had the decency to find my best friend.
yessy21 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Shes right. and dont worry about it. when u meet someone u can double date! even if she dumped u... she doesnt want to see u carressing another girl.
JustEmptyInside Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I second that the dumper often has someone else lined up beforehand. More than that, it seems like many times the dumper has thought it through in their head long before actually doing the dumping, so in reality - they may already be months ahead of you recovery-wise before you even know about it! My ex - she was also a "wonderful" and thoughtful person. Waited until she had several dates with her coworker before she decided to drop me like a rock. But rest assured, as always - I was the last to know.
fetish Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I'm sorry but i'm going to have to be the first one to disagree with what everyone's saying. There's plenty of times when the dumpers are just hasty, manipulative people who just want to see how far they can take you to try to get you to chase after them. There isn't always someone else in mind when they dump you. That's painting it with a very broad brush!
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 so statistically, so far, out of every 5 dumpers, one, has not lined up a replacement. And if we get more posts agreeing with the "ayes", that statistic may well alter....
depplover_1980 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I'm sorry but i'm going to have to be the first one to disagree with what everyone's saying. There's plenty of times when the dumpers are just hasty, manipulative people who just want to see how far they can take you to try to get you to chase after them. There isn't always someone else in mind when they dump you. That's painting it with a very broad brush! I agree with fetish, there are a lot of genuine dumpers out there! But I do concur that they have mentally moved on a lot further thus making them open to new horizons much quicker.
Layzie89 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Me and my ex gf had 2 major breakups in the last 3 years. Within a month of both breakups she had already started going out with someone else. Both, people she met while we were together...I questioned the friendship and she was always defensive about both of them saying 'He's just a friend'. Come to find out after both breakups my speculation was indeed correct. 6 to 1 ratio.
JustEmptyInside Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 (edited) All good points, and yes - I do agree that there are genuine dumpers out there... I wasn't trying to insinuate that my take was a 100% given, it just seems like its more common than not from those i've talked to, and others on this forum. It's always interesting to see others views on similar topics And yes fetish - there are definitely a lot of dumpers who just act out of haste and irrationality (and I'll admit that I do think we men are probably more likely to be like this, dumping without thinking it through)... Fact of the matter is though, for the most part - I don't think humans are really solitary creatures (though some are). People enjoy the feeling of being in a relationship with another. And barring the really bad situations (abuse, addiction, etc), I think that the majority of those who get into the dumper mindset are way more likely to actually go through with it if there is someone else who peaked their interest - or at the very least another prospect. How often do you hear that the dumper held on in the relationship for a while even though they knew it was over? And yes, maybe some hang on because they hope it will work out - but my completely uneducated opinion thinks that many times, they just don't want to be alone. Edited March 17, 2011 by JustEmptyInside
fetish Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Well, i've played both roles, the dumpee and the dumper. I was in a relationship with this hottie and then she dumped me. I found out within 2 months, she had been dating someone else. I had another girlfriend about a year after that who i dumped while i was seeing another girl (who i just broke off with recently after 8 years). My recent ex both mutually ended our relationship because i lost trust in her and she couldn't deal with her addictions, she'd run from them. So, i guess in most cases, yes the dumper usually has someone else lined up, but that's not always the case.
Conchita Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 The dumper always, but always finds someone else first. you know why? Because that "someone else" was probably already waiting in the wings, or in on the act, before the dumper dumped you. In other words, they didn't find someone else. They already had someone else and had to offload the dumpee. I totally agree with you. And yeah...there are very few "genuine" dumpers.
Stilicho Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 its worse yet if they leave you for someone else =/
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