confusio Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I had written a post previously, but I'm guessing it was too long as nobody replied. So instead of writing I long story I will try to just stick with the most important question. A short background, my fiancee is living with me for 3 years. We have been fighting a lot about how we perceive ourself in our relationship. She want us to be together at all time 24/7 except when I'm at work. I am not allowed to hang out with friend or to ever be alone at home. We have to go to bed at the same time and get up at the same time, take shower together, leave the door of the bathroom not completely closed when we go, etc... We fought a lot about it, broke up for a day a few time, but in the end I always gave in. I know its my fault, but I really get exhausted by confrontations. That said, I cannot live like this anymore, I'm getting overwhelm by stress an I always feel bad, have cramp in the stomach and get migraine. I know its time for me to break up and get my life back but I just dont know how. She is very sensitive and I had to call the cops on her for 2 attempt of suicide. I'm not sure how I should do this...
yessy21 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 This is going to sound easy but its hard to do. You will pack ur things without her knowing. write her a letter with all the things u feel were wrong. change ur number... and she wont kill herself its all a show... trust me... i know... my friends ex-gf overused that trick. cut off all contact with her. Shes not making u happy and ur not having a better life. Stress can kill u at an early age my friend. Shes obsessive by the way... and thats not good. if u end up having kids with her... shell probrably make ur life a living hell. if its not at that point already. Im sorry for what ur going through... this is my opinion... and its a good thing... i have done this and it works.
Author confusio Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 Thank you for the reply. I would like to do this, the problem, is that I bought a condo before we got together, its on my name and I'm the one paying for it, so there is no way I can just move out. It is unfair for her, but she need to go back to her mother. I am not a jerk, and I dont just want to throw her on the street, I want to give her as much furniture as she need if she decide to get an appartement. I care about her, I just cant take this anymore. My life is hell, I used to be a very calm and friendly guy, and now I have zero friend because I have no individuality. The problem, is that in order for it to work, I need to go NC with her very quickly a she is very persisting. I know its just a show, I am getting good at telling her that acting up is not going to lead to me stoping discutions. Its still pretty hard and scary for me...
ReturnToSender Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Considering what kind of mental state shes in, can you enlist the help of her family or your friends with this? Like let them know what is going on, and so when you break up with her they will know what the deal is and look out for her? Its unfair to feel trapped in a relationship where if you stay youre on lockdown 24/7 and if you leave they will harm themselves. You need to look out for your happiness and shes tearing you up and down by doing this. And whatever shes going through seems to be way more than what you can handle, it sounds like its taking you down with it. So yeah, my vote is for looking out for her well being, enlist the help of people who care about her, and make your exit.
yessy21 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Then this is another option. sit down and tell her nicely that she needs to go back live with her mother or get her own place. that its over. u have made up ur mind. make it clear that there is noone else... that its just her controlling and possesivness. and ur done. that u are not going to change ur mind. and that if she tries something irrational you will call the police and have her escorted out. U cant feel pity even if u love her. give her a deadline. week the most. if not she will think u are bluffing. bring her the boxes and offer to help her pack. call her mother and tell her that u do not want her there anymore because of problems and that she needs to speak to her. i know this is hard to do.. but do u want to have kids with someone like this? Do u want to spend the rest of ur life miserable? Dont u miss ur life? cause i sure as hell did.
Author confusio Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 So I will sit down with her and tell her the situation, then call her mother to pick her up. Then I will procede of changing all my password and security question. I know that she can't help but to spy and try to get into people mail account to know what is going on. Then I will arrange a meeting to help her pick her stuff up and split up our things and tell her that she need to bring someone with her so I don't have to deal with her behaviors. I will tell her to bring me my things stored at her mother place at the same time. After that I need to change my phone number, change my lock (in case she made a duplicate of her key). I'm a bit worried of feeling lonely at first, but the hockey playoff season is starting in a month so I should be able to find reason to hang out with co-worker or old friend to have friends again. Do it sound like a good plan?
yessy21 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Sounds perfect. Im sorry i know its going to get a little weird at first and something u will have to get used to but in the end u will meet an amazing person that is just right for u. and she will learn that obsession is not the key to keeping someone. Let me know how it turns out! good luck!
ReturnToSender Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I think its great you are outlining what you plan to do...that will help keep your thoughts an actions on track... and great to have hockey season to look forward to too. You can do this...please keep us updated!
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