turokturok5 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 My ex girlfriend who dumped me 6 weeks ago, i still had feelings with her slept with my best friend. She went from a nice, innocent, shy 17 year old virgin to having sex with someone completely opposite to her first boyfriend. My best friend told me that he invited her to his house, but just as friends. I was baffled at first, but thought about it and told him i have had nothing to do with her for 6 weeks and if they want to be close friends its fine with me, i have no control over her life nor do i want to have much to do with her. But they had sex. I just feel so betrayed that my best friend of 10 years would say "nothing is happening, we're just friends" but he ****s her. What the hell am i suppose to do, i always hang out with him, we play sports together, go to parties together. I can't stand seeing my ex and we hang out in a group of 10 or so close friends. Am i meant to completely shut them out of my life and in turn ruin my social life...
PegNosePete Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Dude. If he was really your best friend then why did you not tell him you still had feelings for her? Then he would probably have backed off. If he had gone ahead knowing that you still like her THEN you could be pissed at him. But he didn't. You gave him the green light. He asked your permission and you told him you wanted nothing more to do with her, which is effectively saying yes go right ahead.
Author turokturok5 Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 i said to him i've had nothing to do with her for 6 weeks and don't want to get back together with her, but i still had feelings for her. he could tell i did too as i was asking heaps of questions and getting kind of angry, he even said "you still have feelings for her dont you"
Rose T Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Dude. If he was really your best friend then why did you not tell him you still had feelings for her? Then he would probably have backed off. If he had gone ahead knowing that you still like her THEN you could be pissed at him. But he didn't. You gave him the green light. He asked your permission and you told him you wanted nothing more to do with her, which is effectively saying yes go right ahead. Pete's got a point but I think that best friends should probably stay away from exes, don't you? I mean, you were only broken up six weeks. If it was six years and you were totally clear of the relationship, fine. But, I hate to say it, I don't think your friend invited her just for "dinner". I guess he got a vibe that she was interested and acted on it. She's your ex, she doesn't owe you anything, although she could have chosen a better target. But your best friend DOES owe you something - his loyalty. I'd be furious if I was in your shoes. I'm sorry and I imagine you feel like crap, but he's the one that should feel crappy, IMO. You can choose how you play it, whether you want to call him out on it and break your friendship, or you can just keep living your social life and give him the cold shoulder so he understands that what he did wasn't ok. IMO you have the right to be mad.
PegNosePete Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Oh right, if he knew you still had feelings then he is an a-hole, I would tell him to take a long walk off a short pier.
confusio Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I think the problem is more that you dont want to have to see her all the time you hang out with your friends. I wouldn't want to see my ex, especally seeing that she had moved on (or just trying to make you jealous) sleeping with other guys. I think you should explain the situation to your friend. If he really is your friend he will talk to you about it and you can explain to him that you want to have closure. If you explain the situation to your friend you will be the bigger man no matter what he will do after that. Ruining your friendship with the rest of your friend will only hurt you and not accomplish anything!
Chi townD Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I think you need to find a new best friend for doing that to you. That's just low. Did he tell you he slept with her, or was he hiding it from you?
betterdeal Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Has she got a sister or a best friend you can bang?
Duckduckgoose Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Wow you got a double shot of ****ty behaviour thrown your way. Yeah, unfortunately it seems like you better make some new friends. Your exs... there are two now... ex-gf and ex-best friend... have made very clear where they stand as far as your feelings are concerned. I know this next part is going to sound hard, but don't get bitter about this. Its only going to turn off potential friends/gfs in the future. You got dealt a really low blow and I feel for you man. But if you let bitterness get a hold then you are letting what they did have power over you and it will keep you from moving on to friends that won't be that ****ty.
ccfan Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) Pete's got a point but I think that best friends should probably stay away from exes, don't you? I mean, you were only broken up six weeks. If it was six years and you were totally clear of the relationship, fine. But, I hate to say it, I don't think your friend invited her just for "dinner". I guess he got a vibe that she was interested and acted on it. She's your ex, she doesn't owe you anything, although she could have chosen a better target. But your best friend DOES owe you something - his loyalty. I'd be furious if I was in your shoes. I'm sorry and I imagine you feel like crap, but he's the one that should feel crappy, IMO. You can choose how you play it, whether you want to call him out on it and break your friendship, or you can just keep living your social life and give him the cold shoulder so he understands that what he did wasn't ok. IMO you have the right to be mad. Completely agree with Rose (as usual) ... first of all, and i see this in many other posts and in real life around me, that the "i will have your ex at my place but just as friends" thing is the most fake insulting thing a so-called friend can pull on you, because 90% of the time they end up sleeping together and they both know it upfront. Believe me, it didn´t just happen to happen that they ended up sleeping together, they both knew exactly what they were going to do. Your friend asked/told you about it because he was kind of wanting a green light from you... you did what most people would have wich is to look kind of uneasy about it, but telling him that she´s not of your bussines anymore... he as your "best friend" definetely knew that altough you said it´s not of your bussiness, you were not happy with the idea... but still he did that. Hes NOT a real friend I say this all the time, but real friends and exes, should never, ever mix at all.... i stay totally away from my friends exes and they from mine... thats how a real friendship works. And it´s funny because after a BU you´ll see who are your real friends and who are not. As for your ex, that only shows what kind of a person she is to be creating this drama between two people... she is nothing but trouble... and i think you should take this oportunity and clear them both out of your life.. both your "friend" and the ex do not deserve any tipe of consideration or anything from you at all. Sorry you are going trhu this mate... i feel angry just by typing this, cannot imagine how you must be feeling. Stay Strong, make changes in your life Edited March 16, 2011 by ccfan
Layzie89 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Man, sorry about what you're going through turok...really ****ty situation. Not much I can say aside from what's already been said man. Best friends don't **** best friends girlfriends or even ex girlfriends...delete this prick from your life. You're a good person and he doesn't deserve you as a friend, not even an acquaintance. As for your ex, delete her from your life as well man. Sure, she was a shy, innocent 17 year old virgin while with you...6 weeks has passed though and it's apparent she isn't that girl anymore. It finally hit me last night going to sleep the harsh reality that is "I don't know who my ex is anymore. She isn't the same person she was when I dated her, I don't know how I'd react if she came back" You don't know your ex anymore than I know mine for all that matters. How can you even go back to it you know? After your ex doing what she did, would you REALLY want to go back to her anyways? If she was even half decent she wouldn't have ****ed your best friend... Drop both of them from your life and find good people to replace them with turok. It's goign to be hard though, cuz now you have two ex's to deal with rather than one!
Bluebelle38 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Is this the friend that she asked to meet for coffee and he told you he told her that he only saw her as a mate and was awful to her? Did he ever show you the text he sent? Apologies if I have the wrong end of the stick here. Dump both of them. He is an a-hole. Without doubt.
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