Gettingtired Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 That's what my gf has said to me as I'm a bit pissed off at the moment due to various reasons. Really crap week, so I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself, but my gf isn't up for seeing me until the weekend and that's only if I'm back to my normal cheery happy self again. Is it just me or is that a bit off and a bit unsupportive?
january2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Is it just me or is that a bit off and a bit unsupportive? Yes and no. If she's not 100% herself, she may not be able to support you as well as be responsible for the happiness level in the relationship, albeit temporarily. She might also have been through experiences in the past where she's become drained from supporting a really needy partner and is therefore stating a boundary in the current relationship. In the long-term though, if she only wants to see you when you are cheerful and happy, it's unrealistic and suggests that she's the kind of person who might not be there for you when you really need her to be - not a quality that I'd want in a life partner. If that's important to you, then perhaps it's a potential red flag. Time will tell. If this is the first time it's happened I suggest talking to her about it when you are feeling stronger so that you can find out why she ccouldn't be there. She might actually have a good reason (which is for you to judge) and so it's a little early to jump to conclusions, in my opinion.
Author Gettingtired Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 Yes and no. If she's not 100% herself, she may not be able to support you as well as be responsible for the happiness level in the relationship, albeit temporarily. She might also have been through experiences in the past where she's become drained from supporting a really needy partner and is therefore stating a boundary in the current relationship. In the long-term though, if she only wants to see you when you are cheerful and happy, it's unrealistic and suggests that she's the kind of person who might not be there for you when you really need her to be - not a quality that I'd want in a life partner. If that's important to you, then perhaps it's a potential red flag. Time will tell. If this is the first time it's happened I suggest talking to her about it when you are feeling stronger so that you can find out why she ccouldn't be there. She might actually have a good reason (which is for you to judge) and so it's a little early to jump to conclusions, in my opinion. Thanks for that January2011. Along the same lines as what I was thinking. Just the bolded bit is a concern, but like you say, time will tell. If she cant be there for me during the bad times, she doesn't deserve me during the good times. This is the first time this has happened and yes she has something going on with herself at the moment [PCOS]. It's just last week when she had to go to the hospital/doctors I was with her the night before and on the day she went in, being supportive and taking her mind off things. Maybe I'm just being a little selfish. But if I'm honest, ideally I'd like her to be inclined to have me round and try and cheer me up.
betterdeal Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 So tell her how you feel, when you're feeling more "yourself". It's how you (both) deal with these difficult periods in a relationship that can make them either destructive forces or times of growth.
january2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) I don't have any experience with PCOS (had to look it up on Wiki) but I'd say that medical issues trumps "crap week" + "feeling a bit sorry for myself" - unless there's something serious going on with you as well that you haven't mentioned. At the moment, her priority is her health and rightly so. Therefore, I do think that you're being selfish and jumping to conclusions about the long-term, particularly since it's the first time this has happened and she's justified in being a little put out. If she were the one to question your commitment and support, I wouldn't blame her, to be honest - as harsh as that may sound. She might not have phrased it in the way that you like but I think you might have to suck it up and either stay away until you can support her or bite the bullet and be there for her in whatever way she needs. I'll let your moral compass guide you to the right decision. Edited March 16, 2011 by january2011
Author Gettingtired Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) There's no question that I'm there for her whenever she needs me. She gave me the option to walk away the other week when she got her confirmed diagnosis. I told her that wouldn't happen. She said it would be best for me if I stayed away until the weekend, I dont get that? I'm assuming [which I should really stop doing] that due to her current ailment and situation she just cant deal with me being misserable at the moment, which is understandable, I just wish she'd be honest and communicate that to me rather than saying it'll be better for me to wait until the weekend. We'll see how it goes. Edited March 16, 2011 by Gettingtired Removal of uneeded info.
january2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 If there's no question about being there for her, just do it. Put aside your wishes about how you'd like her to package her words. If you can't put on a happy face until she gets through this awful time and defer the talk about your needs until later, I think that the person you need to analyse is not her, but yourself. Having looked at this again with the additional details, I'm sorry but I just can't sympathise with your end of the situation.
betterdeal Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Spend some time doing something else that you enjoy. It's only a few days.
Author Gettingtired Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 But her awful time is going to be ongoing, it's not something that is cured overnight, if at all. I've done a bit of background reading on PCOS and it is un-cureable, but it is manageable with dieting and exercise. So I pretty much need to get a grip, forget about how I'm feeling, take care of my own crap and stop feeling sorry for myself. . . . . . .
betterdeal Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 So I pretty much need to get a grip Yes forget about how I'm feeling No take care of my own crap Yes stop feeling sorry for myself Yes
Author Gettingtired Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 I'll get right on that.........
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