paiger Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 You may say it's similar to getting over a normal breakup, but... what if it was distance that brought you guys apart? I know some of you helpless romantics will tell me all these cliche's like "true love will stand the test of time" or "anything is possible" blah blah all that jazz. But in reality, long distance just isn't cut out for some people. i mean we have to agree, it sucks BIG time not physically being there all the time with the one who holds your heart. And when two people break up just because of distance... how do you get over something like that? I feel like you have to sort of paint some negative facade of them thinking why they weren't the one for you but... thats all smoke and mirrors. I feel like I could go through my life normally, but still... At the back of my mind, I always have this feeling about "the one that got away".
IcyBabe Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I know what it's like in that boat, it definitely sucks. Like you said with trying to paint some sort of negative facade, I think those types of breakups are the worst because it's so much harder getting over a decent guy, than a jackass; when you date a jackass that righteous anger kind of breakup give us the fuel to move on because we know we'll be onto better things. But when you lose something that was great all because of distance, instead of anger you feel just a dull pain, a different kind of aching hurt in thinking about what could have been; I've been there and I definitely feel for your situation and it's very normal to look at such a relationship as "the one that got away," I know I do. As for getting over it, each person has to do so in their own way so listen to yourself, acknowledge your feelings, treat yourself as often as possible, be it manicures, shopping with the girls, whatever you like to do to take YOU time. My own suggestions when you need a good purge of emotion is to pop in Leona Lewis' Better in Time or Vertical Horizon's Best I Ever Had, both helped me a lot. There will come a time when you'll feel ready to acknowledge that though you guys were great together, sometimes things just don't work out and the most important thing to know is that it was no fault of either of yours, it wasn't you and it wasn't him, it was just unfortunate circumstances and in time you will be able to look back on your time together as a bittersweet, wonderful memory. I hope this helped at least some.
Author paiger Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 Icybabe, you could not have said that any better It is quite a different pain... Especially because my ex still calls me a couple times a week to say hi, and have an hour long phone conversation and all. One day, him and I will move on but... I couldn't agree more with what you said as looking back on this time together as a bittersweet memory. *Note to self: Never ever get into a long distance relationship ever again....haha way too painful. Also you mentioned you've been there? Just a quick question, how long did it take you to finally move on from those feelings you had?
durkadurka Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) Having been there recently, the hardest part about a long distance breakup is that really, when it boils down to it, neither person was at fault. The problem is, that not being able to blame anything, makes it all that much more frustrating and exasperating, and irrational. The hardest part is the helplessness of being hundreds or thousands of kilometers away, not knowing if you'll see that person again. Edited March 16, 2011 by durkadurka
IcyBabe Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) Ahhh, you poor dear, it's that much worse when you're still in contact with them, it makes it like it never ended. I found out the guy I was hung up on (which was years ago) just got engaged, one last pinch of salt in the wound; but I stick to the philosophy (for myself personally) of you just gotta suck it up and keep going, therefore I honestly wish them both the best. I know everyone is different but I tend to bounce back really quickly from disappointments myself, back to what I was saying about the "jackasses are so much easier to get over," in all honesty it took me about a half a day to get over a total sleaze-ball, but the LDR guy was just perfect in practically every way, so losing that (after having nothing but jackasses) was devastating. I felt really depressed for about a month but then I just accepted that it was over, it wasn't easy and hurt like hell to just admit it, but I think it was a bit of a pride thing that if a guy doesn't want me then I move on. Physically I don't do clingy, I just let him go, but emotionally it still hurt for another few months before it kind of just settled. Years later today it doesn't hurt, per say, maybe just a slight twinge for what might have been and I actually look back on it as a great but closed chapter of my life. I know it hurts like hell now but it will get easier, like I said the single best thing you can do is look inward, take care of yourself, pamper yourself, BUY A JOURNAL (oh that helps me with anything going wrong in my life), allow yourself to feel whatever you feel even if you think it's silly or ridiculous, and besides take into consideration that some of the best stories and songs ever written were about the "one that got away," so you're in excellent company. Edited March 16, 2011 by IcyBabe Added something
Author paiger Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 Yeah, it's kind of bad actually. He still calls me and tells me he misses me, he goes on dates but none of them really compare as he doesn't even want to be in a relationship right now, and the only girl he really has feelings for is me. I know this is only temporary though, as in time I know he will find the right girl for him... as will I, find the right guy for me. And yes... I will definitely look back at this whole relationship as a crazy experience. Definitely was one of the most exciting years of my life (travelling to eachother's cities and what not.) Sigh...... It does make me feel MUCH better that I'm not alone haha. I felt like I've annoyed my friends to the bone about how crazy I am about this guy who is on the other side of the country. They just don't get it... Thanks again icybabe, your input has been much appreciated! And durkadurka.... yes.... lol I do fathom.
IcyBabe Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 How far away do you guys live from one another? Is there no chance of one of you relocating? I don't mean to give you any false hope or anything but I was just curious if that was something either of you have considered or if the breakup was a mutual decision for the best? My gosh, I feel for you bad, that cannot be easy when that kind of strong spark is still there, stupid distance! Lol, what are friends for but to annoy each other? That's the great thing about sites like this, it's the perfect outlet. Hang in there!
depplover_1980 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Yeah, it's kind of bad actually. He still calls me and tells me he misses me, he goes on dates but none of them really compare as he doesn't even want to be in a relationship right now, and the only girl he really has feelings for is me. I know this is only temporary though, as in time I know he will find the right girl for him... as will I, find the right guy for me. And yes... I will definitely look back at this whole relationship as a crazy experience. Definitely was one of the most exciting years of my life (travelling to eachother's cities and what not.) Sigh...... It does make me feel MUCH better that I'm not alone haha. I felt like I've annoyed my friends to the bone about how crazy I am about this guy who is on the other side of the country. They just don't get it... Thanks again icybabe, your input has been much appreciated! And durkadurka.... yes.... lol I do fathom. Look you don't want to hear any cliches but I'm going to tell you it in the real sense. Don't presume he will 'meet the right girl' or that you will meet someone who means so much because you might not. Over time if this happens then you will come back together because this is what happens - if you're destined for one another then this is a mere test in the bigger picture. However in the meantime you need to stop taking those calls from him and go into no contact mode for a bit, so you can analyse what you need to do to progress your life forward in the here and now. By staying in contact neither of you is giving the split a chance, which let's face it if was decided was decided for a reason, so step away and breathe.
Author paiger Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 How far away do you guys live from one another? Is there no chance of one of you relocating? I don't mean to give you any false hope or anything but I was just curious if that was something either of you have considered or if the breakup was a mutual decision for the best? My gosh, I feel for you bad, that cannot be easy when that kind of strong spark is still there, stupid distance! Lol, what are friends for but to annoy each other? That's the great thing about sites like this, it's the perfect outlet. Hang in there! On separate ends of the country, Vancouver and Ontario. And well... we're pretty young still. We always mentioned to one another that it would have been so much better if we met when we were older, and that somehow we still do cross paths in the future. I'm still in my 2nd year of university, and he's still only in his young 20's. So technically we still do have a big part of life to live before we even think about relocating to eachother's places, which is why we decided to end things now. And depplover, I completely agree. It's been about 2 months since our breakup and we actually did do no contact for a few weeks. It was only recently when he decided to call me every now and then to catch up. The contact is low, but it's still there. But I do agree, we really are not giving the split a chance by keeping in touch.... It's just hard I guess, to just.. cut someone out who didn't necessarily wrong you in any way.
depplover_1980 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Yeah it's so hard, to date the hardest thing you have probably had to do? This is character building stuff!
Isolde Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) Coming out of a similar situation. I think the best thing one can do in this kind of situation is use it as a template for what a healthy, loving relationship is like. It might take a long time, but you'll probably find something as good again, though probably with a different guy; and when you do, you'll be ready for it and hopefully the circumstances will be kinder or you'll be able to overcome them at any rate and it will last. I emphasize that it could take a long time though and you might have some bad experiences along the way. Anyways, this is what I've been telling myself. Edited March 16, 2011 by Isolde
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