Timbo22 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Well lets just say things with my g/f were literally almost to good to be true...I am 22, and she is almost 21 now, things started out with a bang and we did everything together. She was so attracted to me and all her friends were jealous...Life was great. she came from a rough family and i took all her pain and stress away, she was also very smart and she says that I was her backbone and got her into one of the best schools in the nation...We had trust, I always made her laugh all the time i cant stress this enough how i could put a smile on her face...There was also times were i took our relationship for granted it was so strong...She stressed a big family one day, she always talked about the future and she always sang to me...She goes to church, volunteers her time to the poor. She also made me depend on her, she said once she gets her big time job shes going to take care of me for everything that i have done for her, she wanted me to be a stay at home dad, she stressed that alot...I'm a full-time student too, i plan to be a x-ray tech. Her 1st year of college was great, it went perfect. I saw her every weekend and times were great..we lived a hour away by now but nothing could hold us back...nothing changed we were madly in love. Now this is were it starts to take its turn..She's a biology major and shes always studying and studying now into the 2nd year, when she sees me and whenever i talk thats all shes doing, plus she has a job...I have no problem with it though cus things between us are perfect... They seemed perfect up until...Boom she says she needs time shes overwhelmed with school...I tell her that we are strong and the real you wouldnt want this your not yourself...I felt like a was fighting a battle i was never going to win...I pleaded and pleaded...she needed time..I left went to a friends, called her the next night asking if i could see her and get my stuff...she answered and said yes...I put my best look on...I couldn't handle life without her..As soon as i saw her i reminded her of all the good times, i begged and begged she kissed me so real and wouldn't let go...then she cried and took off running back inside...Its hasn't been a week yet and i cant get through the a second not thinking about her...she was my best friend...I wrote flooded her text and facebook with the things that she loved so much about us, nothing worked...She would just tell me to stop...Felt like the door was shut...she said maybe down the road we might be back but that could be years and years she said...I asked her to me honest with me and shes the most honest person in the world...She told me and i told her to put it on god, if she loved me and she said no... This is not her, u have to understand...shes so stressed with school and her grades that i know im shooting myself in the foot...she completely blinded sided me by this and i never saw it coming...last week she was at the end of my bed singing to me love songs...boom next gone were done...I couldnt look at her anymore so i just deleted her off my facebook, my phone, everything it doesnt help...Idk what to do? Is there any hope for us? Im still in shock, I cant stress u enough how much she told me she needed me, depended on me and loved me. It has been 6 weeks now, she doesent have a bf and I talked to one of her friends and she just needed space. I did all the wrong things to try and get her back. The longest I went NC was about a week. I ended up giving in sending her a text once or twice a week. I met her downtown to talk and I blew that of course. I told her I was so blinded-sided by it and it was hard to handle I let my emotions get to me. I sent her a final message on FB, and I am starting NC now. I feel it is to late. I miss her and my heart burns like the 1st day of the break-up. This is not her, Can a women just change overnight? Even her brother who i am really close with doesent understand what happened to her...She goes out drinking with her friends alot now to i guess. Anyway I'm sorry this is really long, Do I still have a chance? Like I said I didn't really go NC I gave in and shot her a text or a FB at least once or twice a week since the break-up...I have only tried calling her a few times as well.
Strength of Heart Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Sounds like you didn't get to hear much of her feelings about things aside from "Shes stressed out from school" and needed "Time and space", which obviously is possibly true, but there is usually a lot more reasons to things than that. I also realize I am one of very few people who has had a break up where me and my ex were able to sit down and cover most of the reasons why the break up happened (Although I'm sure I didn't get them all). As hard as it sounds and as much as the questions left in your mind waiting to be answered will drive you crazy, you MUST stick with NC and probably for a very long time before you can one day sit down and discuss the relationship and why it ended. My ex seemingly changed overnight too, although now that I reflect I could see when it started developing months before the break up and how blinded I was to it becoming an issue. My ex is also out partying, drinking, and acting rather reckless a lot. You should check out the "Grass is Greener Syndrome" thread and see if any of those symptoms apply, it certainly may not be the only reason she decided to part ways but due to the fact that she is young it could definitely be a big factor in all of it. Best of luck to you my friend, do anything you can to stay NC for a long time until you are healed! It's hard to understand and accept at first, but the longer you are in NC and the more you look into it, the more you realize what the purpose of it is and the more you want to stick to it! I know it's easier said than done, but cut all ties, stay NC until you are fully healed, then start casually talking to her and ask her out to lunch or something. If she is willing to meet up, use the opportunity to see how she is doing and reflect respectfully on the relationship and why it ended so you can get some final closure. If she is not willing to meet up, then she is simply not worth your time! By then you might realize this. Think before you act, never act on your heart in this situation without doing some logical thinking beforehand because what the heart wants will often drive them away. Now is your time to respectfully bow out of her life, and hopefully she will respectfully give you a chance in the future to talk once again. Good luck, stay strong!
Author Timbo22 Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 Thanks for the advice Strength, never really knew people that you love can be so cruel...
Stilicho Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 never really knew people that you love can be so cruel... i feel for you man, being blindsided by one you love is honestly one of the hardest experiences you can have. i just went through it only 3 months ago myself. My ex, who i was with over 2 years, did the same to me, only worse. We had a perfect relationship, had a future planned, so much so that our families knew and loved each other. than, one night in december, it all came crashing down, and only a week before we were supposed to go through europe together for a onth on our winter break. the same night she was telling me she wanted my kids and couldnt wait to get married, was the same night she left my house at midnight, called me half an hour later saying she was in safe, only for me to be woken up an hour later by her mom calling me, wondering where she was. turns out, she had met up with some loser, and kissed him in his car, outside of her house. needless to say, we broke up. within 3 days, she had turned stone cold to me, and said she hated me. this was mindnumbing, and left me broken. after a month of NC, she began leaving crumbs, flirting, calling, etc. just today, i reinstated NC permanently, as i cant play her games any longer. i loved this girl with everything i had, yet he threw me out like yesterdays trash, only to try and pull me back in. the girl isnt worth it man, she wont give you the answers you need, bc she doesnt have them. for somebody to hurt you so easily, shows they dont love you. im 21, my ex is 20, we have classes together. me and you are in the same boat man, let her go, and if she comes back, than make your decision. but dont let it tear you apart like i did, waiting for her to wake up.
Author Timbo22 Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 wow Stilicho it's crazy how similar are stories are. Just being so blinded-sided has made me appear even more needy and depressed. I lover her so much, but her just being so cold and literally turning into someone I don't even know is almost impossible to take. I let it affect my school, I'm so far behind I went from getting A's to basically the C-B range. This has weakened me so much, Thinking she wanted me forever to never talking to me. I'm very close to her younger brother, and he literally was like a little brother I never had. Her mom and dad really liked me. Her brother usually calls me twice a week to talk, and he doesn't even know who she is anymore. Shes completely changed to him as well. According to him and her facebook shes always out drinking with her friends now. It's so funny because if she wanted time to hangout with her friends some weekends it would have been fine,(We only see each other on weekends because of school) But she never could sit down and talk to me. Id we did it was "Don't worry baby, I love you more then anything in world stop it". haha right...
Stilicho Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 timbo, man, my heart aches for you bro. i know EXACTLY what youre going through. its insane to contemplate how somebody can change so much, and so quickly!! let alone a person you thought you knew so well. But, its always the ones we love the most that hurt us the worst. you know, her family loved me as wekk, her father even pulled me aside one day and said he was so happy that both his daughters found men so great, that he would like to see them married to(her older sister was engaged to a fellow student she met at the same university me and her sister met at). anytime her family had gatherings, they would personally invite me. her older brother, who is about 15 yrs her senior, even wanted me to come hang out with him and his guy friends, for petesakes, her grandparents would even buy me Christmas and birthday gifts! yet, their granddaughter, who told me i was her everything, and most important thing in her life, committed the unthinkable. she gave me the same b.s reasons to when we broke up. trust me, she knew that she couldve communicated with you if she wanted, she just neglected to, as did mine. i too have felt my grades suffer this semester. last semester i had a 3.8, this one, hopefully i can salvage something respectable, its just so hard to focus anymore. you wanna know how much my ex changed? a few months before the break up, we were house sitting while her parents went away, and a neighbor of hers was out side smoking pot. the smell came through the window, and she literally started gagging, and complained of how she absolutely hated the "stench" and how people who smoke weed make her sick, let alone the smell itself. today, when i got in her car, it smelled as if someone had just finished smoking an ounce of weed, so bad, that when i went to my next class, my friend asked me if i smoked before class! not to mention that she was blasting gangster rap on top of it. coming from a girl who would turn off the radio if any hip hop or rnb type music came on, saying how much she hated it. its like somebody else has invaded her body, and i dont want to see that, or remember her in this light, so i am going full NC. timbo, i highly recommend that you seek out an older man that you respect and can talk to, perhaps your dad, as the insight they will give you will put this into perspective. keep us updated man, were here for you.
Author Timbo22 Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 Everyone I talk to can't really believe it, My parents her parents (according to her brother). My friends can't believe it either. Some of her friends thought we were meant for each other. But shes kinda with a new crowd now since college that I don't know at all. So they dont know me and thats who shes hanging out with. I guess I'm just going to have to wait, its been 6 weeks...I'm just starting NC now so idk. I also forgot to mention about a month ago I was at a party. One of my buddies made me come to one of his huge parties downtown because he knew what i was going through. it was about 2 weeks after she broke up with me. Anyway to make a long story short, Some girls got my phone drunk dialed people, ended up calling one of her best friends. I really don't know what was said. The next day sure enough the only time she has made contact with me she calls me and says "I hear your with girls now, having fun" I said yeah they actually want me. This made her furious she wondered how I could move on so fast, and then she called me a bunch of names while crying and hung up. I called her back like a dumbass and said it was only to take the pain away from you, and I ended up calming her down. I then tried to get her back again...haha failed. I ended up telling her that i just said that about the girls and i was not chasing after anyone...she was happy to hear that, but i feel like the balls back in her court. It was fair game right? She broke up with me so whats it matter. Idk it was a month ago, she says she doesn't love me anymore. I just think she still has feelings cus she wouldnt have gotten that mad right? Shes not seeing anyone else either according to her FB and a few friends so idk...It's really killing me inside if shes running away from her feelings.
WorldIsYours Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Maintain NC and you will be able to move on from her.
PelicanPete Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Sorry if this isn't exactly what you want to hear, but you just have to let her make her own mistakes. My ex drastically changed after our breakup, and it hurt like crazy comparing the old girl that I fell in love with, to this girl that became the complete opposite (like her new bf that she left me for). That little 5ft blondie is now dropping out of college to join the airforce to be with her new man, and is apparently engaged after 3 months of being with him. If I were still trying to change her mind and get back together with her then I would be a wreck. There are a lot of things in life you cannot control, but if you focus on the things you can you will feel a lot better. For example, your thoughts determine your reality. You can control your thoughts, its a choice to get over her but you have to make that choice. I know you don't want to let go but why hold onto her when she has given up on you? If she really ever loved you or still loves you, then she will come back to you eventually. She is not with you at this moment though, so it is a time to focus on yourself. Let her make all the mistakes and bad choices she wants, if she comes crawling back and you still have feelings for her, then i guess it is your choice.
Author Timbo22 Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 Coming back to my thread to say how much I blew it. I was cleaning out my closet when i found my ex's note. It was all about spending her entire life with me!!! of course like a idiot I am, I sent it to her... but really i didnt give a **** anymore I'm going crazy, reading that set me back to the beginning again. I dont give a **** anymore about this NC bull****. I'm a fighter, Im not trying to be an ass but Im damn close to a ****ing brad pitt and my looks arent helping me a bit...Of course she texted me back and told me to stop, along with she really wants to be my friend and that would make her the happiest!! haha right I give in and i say ok lets be friends...Of course i lied, said it was cool. I cannot believe when i read that letter and saw some of our pictures how big effect it had on me. It broke me down to nothing, I dont understand after I read that letter it killed me. Knowing how much she wanted me and loved me. I'm so devastated...I just dont understand what happened to her. shes almost 21 she must have the gigs idk....its almost been 2 monthes and she doesnent have a bf....I probably blew every chance but o well... I have another girl chasing me right now and i could go to her bed right now....Just cant do it, I ****ing lost it...
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