trum39 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I am 42 and have met a wonderful woman who is 45. Weve been together for over 6 months and are so very much in love. We have both had long term marriages and have been split up for over 2 years from our exes. We know where weve been and what we want and have planned to have a future together. The problem is we are both jealous of each others past. Im not so bad as her. She hates even thinking about my ex or other Gfs ive had since her, she didnt even want to sleep in my bed when she found out that my ex gf had slept in there. But our biggest problem is facebook and another chat program she used to go on called Paltalk. She was addicted to it and went on there everynight. She met lots of people on their went to a few Paltalk partys when she went to the USA on holidays twice and ended up having some brief flings with 2 guys she had fallen for on their. Since meeting me she has stopped going on there but occasionally she might go on Pal to catch up with some of her female friends and other males that she is just friends with. She tells me that she mentions me online and she hadnt been online for months and her female friends told everybody she was in love with a real boyfriend. She talks about me when shes on PAL and the guys say to her hes a lucky guy and are spewing they didnt get a chance with her. I know shes not just saying this because some of her female friends have phoned and Ive answered the phone and they have told me how she talks about me all the time. She also has two male friends that text her a lot and have both wanted a relationship with her. One of them lives in Aust and she has met him and gone out with him but she wasnt interested and told him so from the start. The other lives in NZ and has also wanted a relationship with her but she also told him she wasnt interested. When I first met her they were still texting her and being flirty but she always showed me the texts and didnt encourage it and told them to stop and she always told them what WE were doing in our lives. They eventually stopped but the kiwi phones her from time to time and texts her a lot. He knows all about me but says to her maybe it wont work out. Hes hoping he has a chance but even if we did split he doesnt. I know I shouldnt be jealous of this, she doesn't hide anything from me and has made it quite clear to everyone online that she is in love with me. She also tells me if she goes on PAL which is very rarely. But I just hate the thought that there are guys on there that she might have once been interested in or even guys that try to pick her up. Shes very pretty and when we go out she gets lots of looks from men who perve on her. Which I can handle because im there at the time. On the flip side she is very jealous of me and facebook. I dont even really go on there much, maybe once a week if that and usually just to look at pics or messages from friends and family. But she thinks I have all these single girls on there that Ive met online and am flirting with them. She also hates it if Im ever going to go out with the guys from work and thinks that theyre going to get me drunk and set me up with a chick to cheat on her. Weve never even been out yet and they wouldnt do this anyway. At my work break up she stressed all night that I would go out and get drunk until 3am and cheat and I actually came home to her house at 9pm and went with her daughter to walk the dog whilst she was at work. We have both admitted that we get jealous for no reason as we know we both love each other very much. We just dont know what to do about it and dont want to end a beautiful relationship because of our own insecurities.
Woman In Blue Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I was going to ask what grade you two are in until I remembered you had mentioned your ages at the beginning of your post. You're both in your 40's (chronologically, anyway). It's like you two live in some kind of alternate universe where you conduct your lives via texting and Facebook and PalTalk and all that other ridiculous nonsense. I think your girlfriend's a little too old to be luring lonely, pitiful men from all over the world on PalTalk so she can revel in their constant adoration of her. Hell, if I gave the tiime of day to every lonely pitiful man online that "perved me" while I was on a chat program, I wouldn't have time to hold down a job or clean my house. But then again, I'm not desperate for that type of pitiful attention and don't FEED off it like your girlfriend obviously does. And being honest, your girlfriend sounds like a 15 year old with her ridiculous accusation that your co-workers are going to get you drunk and "set you up with a chick to cheat on her." I swear I keep feeling like I'm reading a teenage angst board and have to remind myself I'm not. Here's a suggestion - meet an ADULT woman. One whose actually grounded in REALITY and knows how to spend her life in the REAL world, interacting with REAL people - not spending all her time online "holding court" with social misfit men on PalTalk who couldn't get a date in real life if their pitiful lives depended on it.
spice4life Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Woman in Blue, you rock! Lol! Trum39, there comes a point in time where you have to stop the madness. If you want to stay with this person I highly suggest counseling.
Yelle Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 If you decide to stay with her, this is what you will have to deal with. Is it worth it?
Kelemort Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 It sounds like she might be sexually narcissistic - she may not want these men but she's obsessed with the gratification she gets from feeling needed and wanted. However, because she knows what she's capable of doing, she turns to look at you and assumes you very likely do the same thing. Generally, jealous people are much more likely to assume others are just as jealous and capable of doing the same things. What you're engaging in is nonsense. You have affirmations from friends who see her online that you're the apple of her eye. I think it's time to be firm: I assume this PalTalk business is primarily for dating? The Heck is she doing with an account on there if she's not searching anymore? I think it's time to address the issue and say, "It makes me uncomfortable that you're on a dating chat service. Look, you can be my friend on Facebook. Any communication I have with single girls is done in an open forum, so you can see what we're talking about. I love you very much and I wouldn't treat you that way. I'm happy to begin our lives together." And the next thing you need to do is stop oversharing. She never had any reason to know that she shared the same bed your ex did. I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing -for sure- who has been in my boyfriend's bed, either. If she asks, don't answer her. Simply say, "I love you so much and I'm glad I ended up with you." And don't ask her about her past, either. That's a black hole that leads to no where. It sounds like you both might have a history of cheating or being cheated on, and that's why you're now so guarded with each other. Add that to the fact that the romance is still relatively new at 6 months in.
missmac Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 FB is so ridiculous, it causes so much unnecessary drama. Put all your old friends email addresses in your blackberry -Delete your profile, DONE
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