GorillaTheater Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Jon, I know you're thrilled, and I'm happy for you. But I hope you'll think about what I'm going say: Don't make this too easy on her. It's pretty obvious that she left you and the kids because she was enamored of this other guy. Now, maybe she had second thoughts, maybe he dumped her, who knows. But the indisputable fact is that she left her family behind. Make her earn her way back. At an absolute minimum, she needs to be in IC for the foreseeable future to get a handle on what drove her to do what she did. MC is a very good idea, but IC for her is a must. Unless she is very clear with you, and with herself, about what happened and honestly expresses remorse and the desire to do whatever it takes to make his right with you, the odds of a "relapse" are pretty high. She put you and the kids through hell. You don't have to so the same thing to her, but you should be making her do some hard work and feel some consequences (such as maybe she stays with her mom a while longer).
whichwayisup Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 UPDATE: She's coming back!! She called me this morning from work and said she wanted to come back and how she hated to be away from the kids and I and that she missed us. She already called the guy and told him never to call or try to see her again. I can't express how happy I was to hear this news. She is the light of my life and the thought of living without her was something I could not bare. We will take it slowly, one step at a time, but rest assured the changes that I vowed to make for myself will still be made. I want to be a better man and will do everything in my power to make her happy. Just like she should be a better wife, mother and woman. Part I bolded.. how do you know that? because she told you or did she tell you she did this? OMG, no offense since I am glad you're happy but I worry that she is reacting very quickly. Let her future actions prove and show you that she TRULY IS in NO CONTACT mode with the exOM. IF she breaks NC, sees him, speaks to him again, either by email/text/or physically sees him, let her know that she is OUT of the house immediately. DO not lose your backbone. As happy as you are that she realized she missed you and the kids, it still doesn't mean that she is over the OM. Far from it. SHe is going to have withdrawal from him...So keep an eye on her. Hope for the best and do marriage counselling. She has ALOT to prove to you still.
Chi townD Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Congrats! But, I will say this, hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Just because she SAYS she ended it, doesn't always mean that she did. Monitor her when she's back. I hate to say it, but I've seen it before. Within a few days of her being back, she may start texting him or calling him. You still need to be on the defense. You are in the driver's seat now!
Author Jon Morris Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 UPDATE: Well, it's been two weeks since my wife decided to work on our marriage and come home. I have to say that things have been great. We have been more loving and open than we have been in a long, long time. We have both made it abundantly clear to each other what we want and need from one another and we have decided to not hold anything back and things have been great. We did decide last wednesday however that my wife had to quit her job, no two weeks notice or anything. There were too many bad memories connected with her store and her being there made it too easy for him to show up or contact her by phone. She knows that in order to start healing she will have to completely cut this guy out of her life. He doesn't know where we live, nor does he know our home phone. Also, my wife now has a new cell phone number that this guy does not know, she doesn't know his phone number by heart and she doesn't have it written down anywhere nor does she have any way to get the number, so for all intents and purposes, her relationship with this guy is completely over. We have planned a spontaneous family trip to Florida next week and plan to spend some alone time together to reconnect and we also have made plans to spend a romantic weekend alone together in a cabin in Gatlinburg, TN sometime in May to renew our vows and be alone together with no kids or worries. So we will have plenty of alone time away from home which I think will help us tremendously. I will keep you guys posted as the weeks and months go on.
worldgonewrong Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Jon: I'm really happy to read this update. God bless you both, man.
whichwayisup Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 UPDATE: Well, it's been two weeks since my wife decided to work on our marriage and come home. I have to say that things have been great. We have been more loving and open than we have been in a long, long time. We have both made it abundantly clear to each other what we want and need from one another and we have decided to not hold anything back and things have been great. We did decide last wednesday however that my wife had to quit her job, no two weeks notice or anything. There were too many bad memories connected with her store and her being there made it too easy for him to show up or contact her by phone. She knows that in order to start healing she will have to completely cut this guy out of her life. He doesn't know where we live, nor does he know our home phone. Also, my wife now has a new cell phone number that this guy does not know, she doesn't know his phone number by heart and she doesn't have it written down anywhere nor does she have any way to get the number, so for all intents and purposes, her relationship with this guy is completely over. We have planned a spontaneous family trip to Florida next week and plan to spend some alone time together to reconnect and we also have made plans to spend a romantic weekend alone together in a cabin in Gatlinburg, TN sometime in May to renew our vows and be alone together with no kids or worries. So we will have plenty of alone time away from home which I think will help us tremendously. I will keep you guys posted as the weeks and months go on. I'm glad to hear things are going well and that she's proving herself to you (quitting her job, lose the old cell, getting a new one).. So far her actions have shown you she is ready to work on things. Though I do hope she takes time to figure out why she stepped out of the marriage and turned to another man.. Counselling would help her with that.. Have a great romantic holiday. Keep intouch and do another update in the near future.
rachel7475 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I am happy to hear everything is working out. If you want to really feel 100% about the situation, though, give it a month or two and then ask for her email passwords, cell phone on the spot so you can check her texts and calls and her car keys to search her car. Just to make sure she isn't still doing anything behind your back. Don't let her talk you into not doing that - think with your head here - if she has nothing to hide, she should have no problem. She will try to say she needs her privacy or that you don't trust her, but if she has nothing to hide, she will show you.
WorldIsYours Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 UPDATE: Well, it's been two weeks since my wife decided to work on our marriage and come home. I have to say that things have been great. We have been more loving and open than we have been in a long, long time. We have both made it abundantly clear to each other what we want and need from one another and we have decided to not hold anything back and things have been great. We did decide last wednesday however that my wife had to quit her job, no two weeks notice or anything. There were too many bad memories connected with her store and her being there made it too easy for him to show up or contact her by phone. She knows that in order to start healing she will have to completely cut this guy out of her life. He doesn't know where we live, nor does he know our home phone. Also, my wife now has a new cell phone number that this guy does not know, she doesn't know his phone number by heart and she doesn't have it written down anywhere nor does she have any way to get the number, so for all intents and purposes, her relationship with this guy is completely over. We have planned a spontaneous family trip to Florida next week and plan to spend some alone time together to reconnect and we also have made plans to spend a romantic weekend alone together in a cabin in Gatlinburg, TN sometime in May to renew our vows and be alone together with no kids or worries. So we will have plenty of alone time away from home which I think will help us tremendously. I will keep you guys posted as the weeks and months go on. Did you set some ground rules for apparent return? Is she being transparent to you, letting you see her cell phone, emails, etc? What was her motivation for coming back to you all of a sudden? Dude this is the time where you need to be on high alert, not celebrating. She just did some horrible damage to her family with no remorse. That is not something you should forget.
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