henna1213 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I am new to this forum and I love all of these stories because they help me so much in understanding my breakup and myself! I'm sorry if this story is somewhat long, but I need to include some important details! My ex and I broke up six months ago--- we were on and off for about a year and a half. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss and I lost my virginity to him as well. However, he was a very toxic, jealous, and possessive person. Towards the end of our relationship, just when we were starting to get better and things were going okay, I found out he cheated on me with a girl that happened to also have a boyfriend. I was completely heartbroken, I was so depressed for a good month and I ended up losing ten pounds because of it. Not only was our relationship an emotional rollercoaster, but me finding out he cheated on me was the last straw, and I knew I couldn't stay with someone like him because that would mean I had no self respect. All my friends said he was no good for me in the way beginning of the relationship and my family did as well, I was constantly making excuses for him and it became very exhausting. Although I still think about him and miss him daily even though it's been six months, I know I cannot contact him. He got a new girlfriend a month and a half after we broke up, and it turns out she goes to my high school (I graduated last year and he did not attend that school.) At first, I thought he was just doing it to spite me, but I think he actually loves her and he's treating her better than he treated me. I know I am not ready to move on yet and it is now very hard for me to trust guys in general because I do not want to go through what I went through a second time. The main thing I want to know is, can I text him or send him a birthday card saying Happy Birthday? Or something simple? I don't expect him to respond and I know I will not get back together with him, but I just want to do it to be a good person and I don't know, just let him know I still care about him as a person? How detrimental is breaking a six month no contact run?
2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Hi I wouldn't send anything, you are worth more than that, you will only get your heart broken again. You've spent the last 6 months healing do you really want to sacrifice all that and start all over from scratch again? Here's 3 potential scenarios that will play out if you send him something: He'll not get back to you - result heart broken, frustrated, annoyed, jealous, you'll also have put him on a pedestal again making him feel good and you terrible. He'll get back to you - result - raised hopes then he'll shun you again - result heart broken, frustrated, annoyed, jealous, you'll also have put him on a pedestal again making him feel good and you terrible. He'll get back and maybe you will get back with him but once a cheetah always a cheetah and a leopard never changes its spots - result raised hopes then he'll cheat again - result heart broken, frustrated, annoyed, jealous, you'll also have put him on a pedestal again making him feel good and you terrible. Now depsite what I am saying people can and do change their ways, and forgiveness is not a taboo with most people, and maybe he has changed and would enjoy hearing from you but it is up to you to risk it and see? 2011
TaraMaiden Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 The main thing I want to know is, can I text him or send him a birthday card saying Happy Birthday? No. Or something simple? (What's simpler than a birthday card?) I don't expect him to respond And indeed, why even give him the excuse to do so...? and I know I will not get back together with him, So there's the 'pointlessness' of it.... but I just want to do it to be a good person You don't need to do this to be a 'good person'. You already ARE a good person. To send this devalues who you are, truly. Be the better person, and leave well alone. and I don't know, just let him know I still care about him as a person? The way he treated you, you really should care less. He's obviously moved on, and really, showing him you care about him, is utterly futile. I really advise you to not do this. How detrimental is breaking a six month no contact run? Do it. Then you'll find out...... But you really shouldn't be curious even......
Author henna1213 Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Hi I wouldn't send anything, you are worth more than that, you will only get your heart broken again. You've spent the last 6 months healing do you really want to sacrifice all that and start all over from scratch again? Here's 3 potential scenarios that will play out if you send him something: He'll not get back to you - result heart broken, frustrated, annoyed, jealous, you'll also have put him on a pedestal again making him feel good and you terrible. He'll get back to you - result - raised hopes then he'll shun you again - result heart broken, frustrated, annoyed, jealous, you'll also have put him on a pedestal again making him feel good and you terrible. He'll get back and maybe you will get back with him but once a cheetah always a cheetah and a leopard never changes its spots - result raised hopes then he'll cheat again - result heart broken, frustrated, annoyed, jealous, you'll also have put him on a pedestal again making him feel good and you terrible. Now depsite what I am saying people can and do change their ways, and forgiveness is not a taboo with most people, and maybe he has changed and would enjoy hearing from you but it is up to you to risk it and see? 2011 Thank you so much, you're right. But for the third senario, but what do you mean by he'll get back and I'll get back with him? I really don't think I will get back with him considering he already has a new girlfriend, and I think I agree most with the first senario, because it seems most likely! I just want him to know I still care, like I mentioned. But maybe that's not the right approach. I just think it's depressing how once you breakup, you're back to being strangers. It kills me.
Veng Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 It's not about him, it's about you. It will damage your success of moving on. Even if you don't feel like getting back together, but you do care about him, so it's already enough to make you emotional again. You ARE a good person and he knowes it even without your congratulation. If you don't send anything, he will surely understand you. Good luck!
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