USMCHokie Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 (edited) This has always been something that has been awkward for me, to say the least. Say you're a few dates in and all signs point to you and her getting intimate at the end of the date. My place is significantly farther away. How does a guy go about "inviting himself" over to her place? Does he just wait for the girl to invite him over? And does he suggest that they go back to her place...? The only reason I don't like to do the latter is because it just seems a bit presumptuous to suggest the first time. Is there a better way? Or even a "right" way, ladies? Edited March 15, 2011 by USMCHokie
tigressA Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 You drop her off at her place and before you say goodnight, go in for a really passionate kiss. Keep it going for a little bit, hold her tight, feel her up, and if she really wants to sleep with you, she'll invite you in. A slightly different option is to do the same thing, but at the end of the date before either of you head home.
Author USMCHokie Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 You drop her off at her place and before you say goodnight, go in for a really passionate kiss. Keep it going for a little bit, hold her tight, feel her up, and if she really wants to sleep with you, she'll invite you in. A slightly different option is to do the same thing, but at the end of the date before either of you head home. Thanks TA! I'm talking more about when you're done with the main event of the date, it's still kinda early, and you are trying to figure out what to do next, if anything. I don't want to simply end the date right there and take her straight home in hopes that she'll invite me in. But I also don't want to be like, "hey, you want to throw in a movie at your place...?" This happened to me a while back...we were in the car trying to figure out what we wanted to do next...it was fairly obvious that both of us wanted to go back to a house and get busy...and of course I kept saying that I didn't know until she finally suggested we go back to her place...it was awkward...
welikeincrowds Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 How do you feel about "I'd take us/suggest we go back to my place, but it's like 45 (whatever) minutes away." That leaves her open to suggest her place, or to say "I DON'T MIND :D" or if you're not doing as well as you thought, it gives her a graceful exit. I don't know, it's kind of an awkward position to begin with. You sort of want to have this one accounted for.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 it's tough for me to believe that the person credited with coining "launch" is seriously asking this question... arrange the date closer to your house and go there if you think that'll help. but since you asked about her place, yes, say the movie line. I dont think it matters, bro. the fact that you suggest going to her house demonstrates your intent - to f*ck. IMO that message can't be disguised (nor should it). go with the movie thing.
Author USMCHokie Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Do they know how far away you live? Not exactly, but she definitely knows that she lives a lot closer to the date venue. How do you feel about "I'd take us/suggest we go back to my place, but it's like 45 (whatever) minutes away." That leaves her open to suggest her place, or to say "I DON'T MIND :D" or if you're not doing as well as you thought, it gives her a graceful exit. I actually really like this approach. it's tough for me to believe that the person credited with coining "launch" is seriously asking this question... arrange the date closer to your house and go there if you think that'll help. but since you asked about her place, yes, say the movie line. I dont think it matters, bro. the fact that you suggest going to her house demonstrates your intent - to f*ck. IMO that message can't be disguised (nor should it). go with the movie thing. Hahah, stranger things have happened... But you're right, and I have a feeling she'd be in a similar mindset, so I must as well just be the one who takes charge of the situation...
depplover_1980 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Knock her over the head, take her keys and do it caveman stylee!
Crazy Magnet Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 That's an interesting one. I tend to think I give out enough signals for the guy to know what my intentions are. If I'm ready to go there, I'll suggest my place. I can't say I've ever had this kind of thing happen though. It sort of develops organically and in stages. I've usually stayed over/had them stay over a couple of times before I'm getting freaky. Great...another dating thing to be paranoid about!
Star Gazer Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Not exactly, but she definitely knows that she lives a lot closer to the date venue. Not to sound like a Puritan, but if she doesn't even know you live 45 minutes away, you probably shouldn't be "getting busy" to begin with. On the other hand, if you don't care about knowing the basics about a person (and her you) before slipping it in, I don't see why you don't just come out and blatantly invite yourself over with a raised seductive eyebrow.
Kamille Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I have no advice to give on topic, but yay! So glad you're at "that point" with someone.
blueskyday Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Really, you have to wait for her to bring it up...otherwise, you WILL come off as a wanting to take it to that level... It's best if a woman invites you over. I like the idea of planning the entire night so there is no "what do we do now," then dropping her off at her door. See what she does after a passionate kiss good night. By you playing it cool and not pressuring her, she may actually pull you inside herself. It's really up to her. It might take a few dates. I don't trust the guys that try to come up to my place right away. I don't fall for the "I have to use the bathroom" excuse. Oh, I'll let them, but I wait by the front door for them. In my mind, when I invite a guy up, then I should be ready to sleep with him because the chances go way up at that moment.
blackmagik Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I will throw other options in with it if that is my intent. Like why dont we do this or this, or we could just go back to your/my place and throw a movie in. If she is like well I dont really care, its probably safe to go back to her/your place. If she does care she'll select one of the other options..
Author USMCHokie Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 I have no advice to give on topic, but yay! So glad you're at "that point" with someone. Thanks Kamille! I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm at that point just yet, but I just wanted to be prepared in case it got to that point...I know that with the last girl I dated this past summer, I ran across this same issue, and I didn't want a repeat... But I've been doing the online dating again, and it seems like I've found a winner...I really like her...so we'll see...
Author USMCHokie Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 It's best if a woman invites you over. I like the idea of planning the entire night so there is no "what do we do now," then dropping her off at her door. See what she does after a passionate kiss good night. By you playing it cool and not pressuring her, she may actually pull you inside herself. And this is what I've always done...like I said before, I don't want to seem presumptuous or appear as if I have an "agenda" to bed her...like Crazy Magnet said, I am all about an organic progression and not forcing anything...
Author USMCHokie Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 I will throw other options in with it if that is my intent. Like why dont we do this or this, or we could just go back to your/my place and throw a movie in. If she is like well I dont really care, its probably safe to go back to her/your place. If she does care she'll select one of the other options.. Interestingly enough, there was a girl I started seeing a while back where I actually invited her back to my place to watch a movie. She accepted, and we literally just watched the movie...and then I took her back to her place...and then I went home and slept... Looking back at that, I can't help but laugh at myself...
Imajerk17 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 You'll know man. You seem smart and perceptive. Maybe soon she will invite you over for dinner. It's also not all on us to advance things! By that I mean that you probably have already demonstrated that you have the stones to make a move. It is on her to give you signals to come back to her place, and not so much on you to orchestrate things.
johan Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 You don't have to actually go back to her place. You just have to find out where it is. You can sneak in later after you see the last light go out. Press your ear against her bedroom door and listen while she pulls the covers up closer and trembles in the dark.
Author USMCHokie Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 It's also not all on us to advance things! By that I mean that you probably have already demonstrated that you have the stones to make a move. It is on her to give you signals to come back to her place, and not so much on you to orchestrate things. Right, but no matter how blatant and obvious the signals, I still feel a little uncomfortable broaching that stage for the first time and generally won't make that move. It is generally accepted that in assuming traditional gender roles, men should be the proactive ones in maintaining relationship progression in the early stages. I guess my real question is, especially to the ladies, do you feel that it is the guy's "responsibility" to basically invite himself over to your place, or is it something you'd rather do yourself?
Author USMCHokie Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 You don't have to actually go back to her place. You just have to find out where it is. You can sneak in later after you see the last light go out. Press your ear against her bedroom door and listen while she pulls the covers up closer and trembles in the dark. Of course, and with Enter Sandman playing in the background.
january2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 It is generally accepted that in assuming traditional gender roles, men should be the proactive ones in maintaining relationship progression in the early stages. I guess my real question is, especially to the ladies, do you feel that it is the guy's "responsibility" to basically invite himself over to your place, or is it something you'd rather do yourself? In my experience, it's a grey area and requires a Masters in Non-verbal Communication. On the one hand, guys need to push the boundaries somewhat otherwise they risk getting friendzoned because they don't indicate their interest strongly enough and on the other hand, they end up looking like a playa/creep/letch for coming on too strongly. The good thing is that the more practice you get, the more experienced you'll become at reading the signals. To answer your question, I'd rather that I initiated the invite. However, my one suggestion to you is that you always see her safely home at the end of the date (unless she strongly insists otherwise), but never assume that she will let you in once you both get there. If you've talked about where you both live, she will know that it is far for you to get home and if it's late, she may let you in anyway. After that, you're on your own in terms of whether you get the couch or to share her bed. Good luck!
Author USMCHokie Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 In my experience, it's a grey area and requires a Masters in Non-verbal Communication. On the one hand, guys need to push the boundaries somewhat otherwise they risk getting friendzoned because they don't indicate their interest strongly enough and on the other hand, they end up looking like a playa/creep/letch for coming on too strongly. Precisely! And I generally err on the side of friendzone...so of course I'll be perceived as either uninterested or timid, both of which are unfavorable...
blackmagik Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 As long as you are advancing somewhat date to date the invite will come. If I was in your position the next date would definitely be in my neck of the woods. Just invite her to meet you at your house before the date, so the date will end at your place no matter what, totally makes it easy to invite her up for some reason. You seem like you could come up with something to get her upstairs. My feeling is if you can get her upstairs its super easy to close the deal. I think girls don't make the first moves enough when you start dating. Us guys have to figure all the "signals" they give out, but really we are simple creatures and we want some action we become even more one tracked so it is even harder for us to pick up the signals you ladies give off. Girls wont make the first moves for the fear of "looking like a slut" now this totally isn't the case for most guys who are interested in the girl.
Crazy Magnet Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 In all my most recent first sex experiences (which are very limited over the past 4 years or so) they were in the morning, after a night of "OMG I want this to happen so bad" kind of making out. This comes after quite a slow progression of increased physical intimacy and touching. It's only been a few weeks since I've gotten any but I'm already climbing the walls. I simultaneously dread sleeping with someone new. I hate first time sex. Ugh. Anyway, if you figure out a way to avoid awkward I'll totally try it!
Jack & Coke Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Nine times out of ten, she doesn't want to come off like a hoe so she probably won't blatantly invite you over, if she does it'll be something subtle. I'd be the one to bring it up if I were you. Turn up the volume little by little throughout the night and check out the signs you're getting from her. Definitely be reading all night. Don't wait until the very last second to bring it up. The best time is probably right after the "peak" of the night, when things will likely start winding down. For instance, if you guys did dinner and you've been getting great signs all night, throw something out there during that time where you're finished eating but the check hasn't come yet. If it's been a really good night, that's a good time to mention it because the whole "I don't want the night to be over yet" vibe is still in the air. Suggest some kind of activity you two can do at her place. Maybe you have a bottle of wine in the trunk that you haven't tried before and want to ask her if she's game. Maybe she mentioned a movie that she has on NetFlix earlier in the night. You can mention it subtly, in a "I'm not going to bed any time soon so if you're still trying to chill..." tone. No pressure and good transition.
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