confusio Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Hi, This is my first post here, and I need to get things out of my chest. About me, Im in my late 20, and I'm in my first serious relationship. Prior to this relationship, I did some online dating, but nothing ever worked out because I was lacking confidences with women. I used to have a few good friends, but mostly girls and gay guy. I used to live with a female roommate (she was my best friend and there was no romance involved in any way). I think I'm a nice guy and very genuine but sometime I do sound a bit rude due to lack of confidence in myself. I used to have a small drinking problem, but nothing that was affecting work or relationship with friend and roommate. Anyways, my fiance has serious self confidence problem, and she suffer from borderline disorder. When we started to fall in love she had a boyfriend and things were not going very well. She never sexually cheated him with me but she did emotionally. She was looking for someone to be with her before breaking up. I dont think Im a rebound tough. The beginning was pretty rough. Because her boyfriend was living with her, I told her she could stay at my place until things settle down. She got very angry that I didn't invite her to come live with me for good, so I gave in and let her come live with me right away.In the first 9 month we were fighting every 2 week or so. Reason being that she didn't like me talking to girls, hang out with my friend, that I was looking at porn before being with her, that she was insulting my family or friend. I am someone who doesn't like confrontation and I gave in every time after 6 hours of fighting in the middle of the night when I was working the next day. Slowly, I couldn't go out anymore by myself. Then I couldn't be alone by myself either. She had a obsession about being scared that I would masturbate. Honestly, since she told me it was a problem with her I was fine with it and it never crossed my mind. But she would constantly question me to a point that I would be fed up and get very angry. I'm a pretty calm guy usually, my friend never saw me angry or even yell, but somehow she managed to push me to my limits and I would get very angry and I would raise my voice and swear a lot. I never hit her, but a few time I got scared that I would. As I was developing anger problems, I started to quit coffee and energy drink and ever since I stop getting mad. As years went by, I lost all contact to all my friend and most of my family. I was forced to quit MSN and Facebook, and to keep my email open at all time so she can check. She started to take care of the finances. She required that we get engaged, and she wanted a diamond ring. I gave her everything. I honestly tough that she would grow up and that things would be more normal, but even if fights got less frequent my liberty got even more limited. If we watch tv and there as much as a girl in bikini, she expect me to look elsewhere. Same if two person kisses. If there is a sex scene, or even a bed scene, we pretty much stop the movie there. Same with video games, now I have to always look if a game contain sexual content of any kind before I even consider it. Its very frustrating to be limited. Now its been almost 3 years and I cant do it anymore. I miss my friends, I even dream of them, but I think they all gave up on me... I miss spending time alone, and I am very stressed with all this. When I come back from work (the only time I'm without her) I get questioned, if I looked at bad stuff or if I masturbate at work (WTF???) Breaking up seem imposible! She live in my condo and I dont know if I can just throw her out. Her mom live in the same city, and she was living with her before she move in with me (she was living there with her ex). I'm planing to give her every things she want to make it easy on her because I dont want to be a jerk. I also need to take back control of the finances, as she made us accumulate debts due to her lack of organisation. If we break up it need to be NC very quickly because we did break up in the past and she always managed to convince me to take her back with empty promises. I also became scared of loneliness, as I did lose my friend for her. Two of the 3 times we broke up, I had to call the cops on her because the first time she tried to commit suicide in front of me and the second time she threaten me to jump out of the roof (10th floor). I want to break up, but I am very scared of how its going to be done
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