crystal87 Posted March 31, 2004 Posted March 31, 2004 I'm freaking out and don't know what to do! This is the first time i have ever written on anything like this, but i am desperate. Here Goes.. I will be 17 in a month, and i have been dating the same guy since i was 13. He recently joined the U.S. Air Force, (which i was scared about at first, but then thought it might be a good thing). A week before he left for basic training he proposed, and i accepted. We had no problems for a while after that, and i thought things would work out great. But when he came home after training for his break, things were different. We fought all the time, he was a completely different person from before. Everyone said it would wear off in time. Well we ended up breaking up (with me pleading and begging that this wasn't the right thing, because he would eventually come back like he had so every time before.) The night before he left to go back to his tech school, we spent some time together, and he assured me that he still loved me- he just needed some time to think and get things straight and back to normal. So we still kept in contact the month following our break up, and it was almost as if we had never broken up. (He would even still refer to me as his girlfriend on occasions) Needless to say a month or 2 later (this past valentines day) he came home on a visit and we got back together. Things were fine for a while, until he started acting strange and distant again. I tried not to let it affect me, but it did. One night i called him and he said he was busy, and he would call me later around 10. Well in that time, my best friend (a girl) called me and said she was hungry and since we haven't seen each other in a while would i want to go get something to eat with her. So i went, and forgot to call him and let him know i was going to dinner.... Well he ends up calling me at 8:30, instead of 10, and gets mad that i am out and starts hanging up on me and cursing me out. At this point i have no idea what to do or what's going on, because i did not think he would get that upset because i forgot to call. So i offer to go home, and he says no because he's going out too- and i really don't want that to happen because 1) he promised he wouldn't be going out if we got back together, and 2) he is 18 and can do a lot of things that i couldn't, even if i wanted to. The whole things leads into a huge argument, and i end up breaking up with him. This all happened on a Friday night, and we hadn't talked again until Sunday morning when i called to ask him something. That morning he told me he didn't want to talk because he found out his good friend was in the hospital, and might die. He sounded very upset about it, and i was worried because i still loved him. So later on that night i called him to see if he had heard anything, or was feeling any better. He was very quick to get off the phone with me, and was talking very rude. So i told him he didn't have to be rude, i just wanted to check on him. Well... He freaked out, and started crying and telling me to never call him again. I did not understand this at all, so i asked what i had done wrong. He says he didn't want to talk about his friend, it was too painful, and until i called and reminded him about it he had forgotten. So he says he never wants to talk to me again because he cant handle emotions while in the Air Force. We didn't talk again until Wed. And we decided that we would still be cool, but not in total contact. Basically it was an "if you even need me, I'm here" type deal. And i was fine with it. I was sad, yes, but i was moving on perfectly. Until Saturday night.... He calls me, drunk as could be (knowing i do not approve of alcohol) and starts talking about all kind of stuff that i don't even understand because he is so drunk he isn't making sense. Then he hangs up on me, and i call to see what is going on, and he said some really cruel stuff, and i told him i was going to call back and for him not to answer so i could just leave a message. In this message i basically told him he was too immature to handle have a civil relationship with me, and i was with someone new (thinking maybe this would help me feel stronger, even thought it was true-- there was no one else), and that he has no reason to ever call me again, because i don't want to speak to him anymore. He calls me back and i didn't answer, and he leaves a message cursing me out, and saying he hopes I'm "F*ing happy with the guy your with now, i hope he F*cks your brains out better than me, cause no one is as good as me* Then he calls and leaves another message saying, and i quote "I'm about to go drink some more...just like the virgin i f*cked tonight, and she was great- now you wanna talk about someone being immature, don't F*ck with me, you f*cked up our relationship, you did it, now sleep on that sh*t, bye" This hurt me, but i really didn't believe it, because i didn't know him to be that kind of person. But then i talked to him the next day, when he was sober, and he said it was true, and described him and this other girl (who he had just met that night) in detail to me. And told me how good it was, and said he did it cause she was "extremely hott" (By the way, i didn't ask him any of this- he told me on his own accord, knowing i would not want to hear it) It broke my heart. I don't now want to be back with him, but i still love him. I am not over it yet, and i don't know what to do. I don't understand why he is doing this to me. He says he has no feelings towards me at all anymore, but i don't understand how you can break up with someone you dated for 3 years, and then a week later not care about them at all. Or sleep with someone, for that matter! I am torn up, and i cant eat or sleep, i keep having thoughts and visions of him and this girl, and I'm just really confused. My sister has talked to him since then, and he said he thought about apologizing, but he is not ready for that yet- because he cannot talk to me. He says if he talks to me the feelings will come back and he'll want me back. But i don't think that is possible if he is able to sleep with someone else a week after we broke up. I know i have blabberd on for a long time, and for that i am sorry. But hopefully someone out there can help me...?
Blood Posted March 31, 2004 Posted March 31, 2004 Have you asked him if anything happened while he was away to change him in any way?
Author crystal87 Posted April 1, 2004 Author Posted April 1, 2004 Yes, i have. But that was a while back, when he first got out of boot camp. He says he was still "in that state of mind" and that it would wear off, which it did. The way he is acting now is completely different from anything he has ever done. I just dont understand how you throw someone out of your life after 3 years... Im not saying i want him back, but i would never want him out of my life, because i love him and always will. If anyone has any suggestions PLEASE feel free to help- i am so lost (he is also going to strip clubs now, which he said he would never do because he would feel embarrased to be in a place like that..)
fdfasdf Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 He is controlling you! Break away from him and never look back!
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