If you put me on the backburner, don't be surprised if I start to simmer.

[Intricategirl]

I had a guy I was chatting with recently. Things were going pretty well, he friended me on Facebook which was a little early for my tastes, but not a huge deal. He came back from a business trip a week and a half ago, and hasn't said a thing to me since then. I figured, "Fine, he's fading. No big deal," and removed him from my Facebook friends yesterday. Sure enough, I get an email today like we never stopped chatting.

 

I haven't decided whether to even respond, but I'm strongly leaning towards ignoring him. I'm not interested in fast forwarding everything, and then coming to a screeching halt.

 

But, I'll open it up to the wisdom of the crowd: hear him out and see if there's a good reason, or just leave him alone entirely? I've got another guy I've been talking with that seems like the kind of guy that would never give me a problem in the world, but we don't have a lot in common and I don't know if I'll ever feel that spark with him. It's not just a lack of chemistry, but an entirely different personality type. But if the spark comes at the cost of playing games like I'm in high school, it's not really worth it.

 

Thoughts, opinions, statements?

[ShatteredReality]

Did he notice that you removed him from Facebook? It doesn't notify you, so he'd have to notice somehow. Did he mention that in his e-mail? Has he been busy/distracted? I am not into those types of games either, if I am ignored I walk away, but perhaps you should give the guy a chance to take you on a date or two before you give up on him entirely? If he does it again then I'd say go ahead and walk away...but, apart from perhaps being inattentive, he doesn't sound like he's done much wrong...now if he repeats the mistake again I'd say boot him.

[Intricategirl]

I knew, but had forgotten that it doesn't notify you. Or, more accurately, I only have a small handful of people as friends on there, so when I'm defriended, I notice pretty quickly and take for granted that others don't notice quite as quickly if they've got 600+ people on their list.

 

No, he didn't say anything about it. It had been 9 days since he got back, 7 since I wrote him, 1 since I defriended him, and then today the email. Before that, he was emailing me once every few hours. And I'm not the sort that needs constant communication. The part I'm questioning is that there was constant communication and then it stopped.

 

Yeah, maybe I will reply to his email. This is why I asked. If he wants to keep me on the backburner, I'm not really interested. Go, good luck, have fun. If he's been busy- well, I don't have the right to give anyone a hard time about being busy.

 

Thank you for the response.

[ShatteredReality]

No problem...I understand needing to see things from a different point of view. It's possible once he got back from his trip he had a lot of work backlogged and had to catch up...or maybe family came in for a visit...basically until you talk to him you don't know. I don't have a large friend list, but if you're not a regular poster and you delete me or your own account I won't notice on FB for probably a week or more...so chances are he doesn't even realize you're gone on there yet. Which means, that's not why he's writing to you....let us know how it goes though - cause now I wanna know why he ducked out for over a week too!!

[ShatteredReality]

Oooh...or maybe he thought he was e-mailing you TOO much, thought he might scare you away...figured he'd back off and see if you chased him a little...then when you didn't he came crawling back...just thought of that....

[Intricategirl]

Maybe. He is a pretty high level manager for a large internet firm, and it sounds like they send him all over the place all the time. So being busy at work isn't out of the question. That being said, he wrote me while on his business trip. In fact, I didn't even realize he had gone on business to Seattle until I said something about it being one of my favorite cities and he said he was there right then and flying back that afternoon.

 

I don't know. Will update if/when I hear something from him.

[tigressA]

Leave him alone. No contact for over a week? It would be clear as day to me that I'm on the backburner. Plus, I think if he had been sufficiently interested in the first place he would've asked you out already. From your post it seems like he hasn't.

[fishtaco]

If you multi date, then keep your options open. Doesn't cost you much to maintain and see where it goes, maybe you'll even get some free meals out of it.

 

If you don't multi date, then you have to make a decision. Then I'd suggest picking the guy that's more on top of his game.

[Intricategirl]

Tigress, he has asked me out, I was unable to make it the weekend he suggested. And he's long distance but left no question that he would drive the entire way- no meeting halfway, no "why don't you come here and I'll take you around town". He would be making the entire 3.5-4 hour trip, and he offered.

 

Fishtaco, I don't multidate exactly, though many may consider it that. I will chat with multiple guys, even go on a first date. I'm ready to narrow down to one by the second date, and see where it goes from there. So, it's kind of a mixture of what you said. See where it goes, and I can narrow down.

[ShatteredReality]

Well if he has asked you out he showed an interest. I am all about giving a person another chance - you never know what held him up...I wouldn't probably give TOO many chances...but at least a second chance...he didn't OFFEND you exactly...he just dropped off the face of the Earth for a minute. I have done that before...and if people I wasn't very close with walked away I felt bad, but other things had kept me occupied. It happens...just so long as it doesn't KEEP happening.

[Intricategirl]

It's been an additional 2 days. I'm gonna go ahead and declare this done.

 

This weekend, I am meeting the other guy I briefly referenced in the first post. He scored major points last night when he offered me his phone number, but said that if I'm comfortable providing mine, he'd be happy to make the first call. He's gentlemanly, kind, stable, and a lot of the stuff I'm looking for in a long term relationship. I am still concerned about our interests. He asked me to a local pizza place and said that they had a beer that was so good he thought about driving there to get some. I immediately thought that it's only 40 miles away, and why would you even question it. Just get in the car and go. I'm more the sort that would ponder a 1200 mile road trip for a wine I'm only so-so about. As long as we either meet in the middle as far as our personalities go, or there's some understanding that I'm free to jump out of a plane without a lecture on how my insurance won't cover it, it could be a good dynamic.

 

He is in the same profession I'm going into, so there will be somebody to geek over legal stuff with. And apart from the adventurous hobbies, we share some common interests.

 

There's another guy I'm chatting with, but he provided his number and wanted me to call or text first (which is admittedly a turn-off). I did, and he only writes me one word answers, so the conversation drops off pretty quickly. He's also fairly far away.