elcider Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Hey there, I really really don’t know what to do.....Ive been seeing one guy (referred to as guy1) I like off and on as the occasion arose as he lives some distance away for quite a few months since he and I had a huge fight in Oct last year, and I have made him do all the chasing after him hurting me....however it wasn’t until he and I had words a few weeks back that we both made the decision that we were back to dating (I get to see him about once a month or two)...the other problem is that he doesn’t know about a very close male friend of mine who also lives even further away..who I rarely see, we are just close good friends that have on occasion had sex and at one stage I wanted a relationship with him and he didnt...which I have since accepted...and before guy1 and I made up I had flights booked to go and spend some time with my very good friend....guy2....I really love his company, however I have feelings for guy1...I don’t ever see me moving in with either or, marrying them etc, however here I am worrying about hurting their feelings, and doing the wrong thing, guy2 is a very good friend...and I know from past experience most men don’t understand a friendly relationship between a man an a woman, so when guy1 came along I only mentioned guy2 once...and to be honest I don’t think guy1 listened all that well....so yea here I am feeling tons guilty knowing that guy2 will be expecting a friendly romp in the hay while Im there...all the while knowing if guy1 knew I was going....and theres another point....he doesn’t......he wouldn’t be too happy about me staying with a guy...even if I didn’t sleep with him..am I worrying too much about this seeing as I was raised the old fashioned way? I know guys see things way differently than women do...or am I just being too modern? I don’t know what to do...so yea Im torn....do I tell guy1...an do I tell guy2??? Blah blah blah...neither will most likely wont ever find out about each other...or do I just say nothing..the flights are booked and Ive taken time off work..we were originally gonna just catch up and spend some time together or am I just better off to go and spend time with my friend...with nothing sexual involved and say nothing to guy2 or guy1? And the other ****ty thing about this is I wouldn’t be feelin this way if guy1 an I didn’t argue a few weeks back....arrrghhh
ShatteredReality Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Why are you dating someone you don't feel you have a future with? And are you two exclusive? If you're "dating" but not "exclusive" then he doesn't have a say in who you go visit or what you go do. If you are exclusive then he probably has a right to know you're going to go visit guy2 - out of courtesy of the relationship and an effort to have trust established. If he found out about it later it could be what breaks you two apart...and if you do something you should always know there is a possibility of someone finding out what you've done - even if that possibility is just you getting tipsy one night and telling on yourself or something. If you go stay with a guy you've slept with before, yes he'll be expecting you to do it again...he sees you as a friend with benefits. You can tell him before you get there that you have a boyfriend now, give him the opportunity to disappoint you now...or you can go there and know that you might wind up sleeping with him even though you know you'll feel guilty about it later. Also, don't let an argument with guy1 determine if you fly away and spend a weekend with another man...let an argument determine if you are going to seriously date the guy or not, but not if you're going to do something that could be conceived as cheating if he ever finds out about it. (Again, it can always happen. You never know the weird ways things come out in the open like that.)
Author elcider Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 I dont see a future with either as I really dont want one at the moment..Im just not ready for it atm, though they are very nice men, my son comes first......I dont want his childhood to have experiences of him coming second to a relationship with another male....this was a conscious choice I made some time ago..... I know guy2 wouldn't really care if I said no sex and that I have a boyfriend...he thinks I should dump guy1.... like I said...guy2 is a very close friend, we enjoy each others company very much....I quite often refer to him as my other girlfriend I do however appreciate your feedback...its made it a little bit clearer to me now so thanks.....
ShatteredReality Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 NP - it's always harder to offer advice knowing bits and part of stories...but that's all you can really get on these threads cause the whole story usually would take up pages!! LOL...Glad I was able to help at least some...good luck!! Glad to hear you're putting your son first btw
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