mhertz Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Perhaps that's exaggerating it a little. Anyways, my girlfriend and i have been together for about a year and 3 months now.. We've gone long distance that past few months, too. We have never done more than kissing, though. She doesn't want to have sex before marriage and i respect that but we do so little kissing. It's beginning to drive me crazy because I have quite the sex drive. I tried feeling her up once on one of the "rare" occasions we actually do make out.. But she always pushes me away. I'm always the one who initiates the kissing, too.. It's not that i'm a bad kisser.. I can tell whenever we do make out that she really enjoys it But whenever she doesn't want to be physical with me, i feel kind of bad. I just wish she would be more passionate with me. I would love for her to initiate the kissing and be more aggressive.. I tried talking to her about it and she just says she's paranoid about sex. She's had guys before her push her to go further.. But i really have no intentions of going to sex. I'm a virgin so i don't have a sexual past, either. So how can i get my girlfriend to be more comfortable with the physical part of our relationship?
fishtaco Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Trying to get someone committed to not having sex before marriage to break their rules is a pretty horrible thing to do. Even though personally I do not agree with waiting till marriage, it's her choice. Did you go into the relationship knowing she doesn't have sex before marriage? If she didn't tell you that, then it's her fault for tricking you into this relationship. If she told you she doesn't have sex before marriage, and you decided to date her anyway, and now you want sex, then you tricked her into this relationship. A person that wants sex before marriage should NEVER EVER date someone that doesn't want to have sex before marriage. Regardless of who's fault it is, you have two choices: 1) Don't have sex with her till marriage 2) Break up with her
Author mhertz Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Trying to get someone committed to not having sex before marriage to break their rules is a pretty horrible thing to do. Even though personally I do not agree with waiting till marriage, it's her choice. Did you go into the relationship knowing she doesn't have sex before marriage? If she didn't tell you that, then it's her fault for tricking you into this relationship. If she told you she doesn't have sex before marriage, and you decided to date her anyway, and now you want sex, then you tricked her into this relationship. A person that wants sex before marriage should NEVER EVER date someone that doesn't want to have sex before marriage. Regardless of who's fault it is, you have two choices: 1) Don't have sex with her till marriage 2) Break up with her Thanks for the reply. I knew she didn't want to have sex before marriage and i was ok with it. But, i repeat, i do not want to have sex with her. I was expecting a little more than barely kissing.. And it's been a year and 3 months and nothing has changed. I just wish i could do a little more than kissing (being able to feel her up etc) because that's not sex. And i wish she could be more passionate with me. Whenever i kiss her, i just feel like she's waiting for me to get done
Emilia Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 maybe she isn't interested in sex at all and you will only find out for sure when you get married. sexual compatibility is as important as any other aspect of a loving relationship because it's a way of expressing love and intimacy. I don't really understand how you can marry someone without knowing they will satisfy your emotional needs. sex in an LTR or marriage is not just about getting your rocks off
utterer of lies Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 So how can i get my girlfriend to be more comfortable with the physical part of our relationship? You can't. Even if she was interested in sex in general, she's obviously not interested in sex with you.
Author mhertz Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 maybe she isn't interested in sex at all and you will only find out for sure when you get married. sexual compatibility is as important as any other aspect of a loving relationship because it's a way of expressing love and intimacy. I don't really understand how you can marry someone without knowing they will satisfy your emotional needs. sex in an LTR or marriage is not just about getting your rocks off You can't. Even if she was interested in sex in general, she's obviously not interested in sex with you. Again, I do not want to have sex with her. I respect the fact that she does not want to have sex before marriage. However, I want to do more kissing and maybe be able to touch her. She's just afraid that it will lead to sex. I want her to not be afraid to be passionate with me. When she's barely putting any effort into kissing me, i just feel bad. Like she doesn't love me that much. I mean i don't need her to kiss me for me to know that she loves me. Is there anything i can do?
Eddie Edirol Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Mhertz, this girl has no physical attraction to you whatsoever. Even if she is totally green on making out, she would try and experiment with someone she was truly attracted to. She is wasting your time, I think she is with you to avoid bieng alone. There is no compatibility here. Complain to her that you think she isnt attracted to you and see what she says. If she cant give you a decent explanation that isnt "I dont feel comfortable", then bail out.
Intricategirl Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Whether it's sex or not, she CONSIDERS it a sexual act. So it's still asking her to compromise something she believes in. No, there's not much you can do outside of what fishtaco said.
Author mhertz Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 Mhertz, this girl has no physical attraction to you whatsoever. Even if she is totally green on making out, she would try and experiment with someone she was truly attracted to. She is wasting your time, I think she is with you to avoid bieng alone. There is no compatibility here. Complain to her that you think she isnt attracted to you and see what she says. If she cant give you a decent explanation that isnt "I dont feel comfortable", then bail out. I see your point, but although she may not be physically attracted to me; i can tell she is attracted to who i am. I still want to try telling her that i think she isn't attracted to me. Perhaps she really is just uninterested in any physical intimacy. But as someone said before, physical intimacy is just as important as any other aspect of a relationship. Whether it's sex or not, she CONSIDERS it a sexual act. So it's still asking her to compromise something she believes in. No, there's not much you can do outside of what fishtaco said. Good point.. We get along so great, though. I don't think it would be something worth breaking up over. I had forgotten to mention earlier.. She is a nonvirgin. We broke up for about 2 months and she had a one night thing during the break up time. Apparently, after the break up she turned into a completely different person. This was when we went long distance. She was in a completely different place and didn't know anyone and then right after the break up i went no contact. Then after a while, i started talking to her again and she began to act like her old self again. I guess that's understandable with you're thrown into a world of unfamiliarity. Losing her virginity was traumatizing for her. She had always believed in no sex before marriage but this guy kind of forced her into it.. I'm not sure of the exact details (and i don't want to know!). Perhaps she's not over the fact that she lost it and can't stand any physical intimacy? I knew her virginity was always important to her because she comes from a very Catholic family. She didn't let me touch her much even before the break up. But, she was also more passionate with me before the break up.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I dont believe for one second that a guy forced her into it. She could have had him jailed for rape. I assume she didnt. She has to tell you that so you think that she didnt want to have sex with this guy, after she didnt want to have sex with you. That is grounds for breakup, on top of the fact that she isnt physically attracted to you. You need to end it with her, you arent going to get anywhere. You both need to be on the same page. You NEED physical animal attraction in a relationship, it cant live on you getting along well. Im beginning to think that you need this relationship more than she does for whatever reason.
fishtaco Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I had forgotten to mention earlier.. She is a nonvirgin. We broke up for about 2 months and she had a one night thing during the break up time. Apparently, after the break up she turned into a completely different person. Wow! This is a giant red flag. One of the measuring sticks for gauging psycho-ness is how much a woman swings back and forth with her decision making. One second this way, the next second that way. Most women, most people actually, do it to a certain degree. But to swing from "no sex before marriage" to one night stand back to no sex before marriage... this is a huge life decision. And to flip-flop like this... dude. Not a good sign. No sex before marriage for me is a deal breaker. I WOULD break up over this. Especially if she had sex with someone else during "the break". But that's just me. For your sake I hope for the best for you. Good luck with this one. You'll need it.
utterer of lies Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I see your point, but although she may not be physically attracted to me; i can tell she is attracted to who i am. I still want to try telling her that i think she isn't attracted to me. Perhaps she really is just uninterested in any physical intimacy. But as someone said before, physical intimacy is just as important as any other aspect of a relationship. I had forgotten to mention earlier.. She is a nonvirgin. You are fooling yourself.
Emilia Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 sorry but she just doesn't fancy you. the two of you would have a very unhappy marriage, move on
Survivor12 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 "She's just afraid that it will lead to sex." And perhaps that fear is based on experience. If she was/is committed to not having premarital sex, she may be feeling very remorseful and guilty about the one-night stand. Although she would like to blame the guy for "forcing" her, it may well be that she knows that her own hormones undermined her commitment "in the heat of the moment" and is determined not to allow herself to be put in a situation where she may once again "lose control". Also, since "it" has only happened once, she can ease her own feelings of guilt by blaming the guy, but she knows that if it happens again, she must take responsibility. It could well be that it is not YOU that she is worried about--but herself and her OWN self-control and she has set her boundaries a little further back to make SURE that it won't happen again. The question is whether or not you are willing to accept those boundaries. You see, while you may not feel that you are pressuring her because you aren't wanting sex per se, expecting anything more than she is willing to give is still pressuring her and not respecting her boundaries. If you aren't satisfied with things as they are, it may be best for both of you to end the relationship.
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