one step forward, two steps back.

[fleur_de_me]

So, I've posted a few times, most recently that I got an email from my ex a few weeks ago after 2 months NC (we broke up last summer, been NC most of the time except seeing each other once in October, and texting to arrange me getting my things over Christmas/New Years).

 

Ever since I got the email- which I did NOT respond to- I've been thrown back to thinking about him and missing him like crazy. The email wasn't anything special (How are you? I heard you had surgery- hope you're OK. I'm sorry I hurt you, take care), it certainly wasn't trying to fix things. But it has REALLY really messed me up.

 

I also recently found out I got a summer fellowship to go back to New York, where he lives. It is super prestigious, and something that I really want to do, but I also know it will be tough to be in the same place and not miss him and think about him. But I also don't want to give up my professional goals and dreams because of him- I should be able to do what I want.

 

Anyway- I'm hurting and struggling. I still miss him like crazy and despite all of my best efforts to move on, I find myself not making progress and at times feeling like I am moving backward.

 

I don't know what to do....

[smudge21]

There's no easy fix. I too thought I was fine, even to the point of being friends with the ex but she announces weddings and the like and I hit rock bottom.

 

There's just so many memories and all of them are surrounded in regret; if only I'd done things differently, etc etc. Added to that the feeling you get from putting someone on a pedestal and believing them to be 'the one', it makes moving on and saying goodbye so difficult.

 

My only comfort in all this is coming here and realising that we're not alone, and there are people out there who know exactly how we feel and do care.

 

I'd follow your dreams, don't put anything off because of an ex, because one day you will be over them and if you allow them to affect your life, then you'll regret that even more later on.

[fleur_de_me]

thanks, smudge. you're right, it does help to at least know i'm not alone, and that my situation isn't so unique.

 

i keep getting hung up on the fact that i still don't get it. i still don't understand what went wrong because everything seemed so perfect.

 

i feel like the one lesson i've learned from this is that i can't be myself, that if i show people how i really feel, it will push them away. i should have been more distant, more cold, less loving. that's such a horrible thought.

 

i just wish he hadn't contacted me, because i don't see the point of it. it is just cruel to keep dragging my feelings up. if he doesn't want me in his life, then he should go away forever and leave me in peace. instead, everytime i think my wounds are healing, he comes back and rips them open again.

[smudge21]

Me and my ex have had to stay in contact due to work related stuff and every now and then she'd do something that was clear she was still interested. I always played it cool, but we both knew we still had feelings for each other. She too would occasionally send random texts, her way of testing the water when she hadn't heard from me. I'm sure since deleting her from Facebook (see my other thread) she'll get in touch... but I don't know what I'll do.

 

I know what you mean about not acting yourself. I'm pretty open when it comes to people but sometimes feel that being a bit more elusive does make one appear more interesting. Everyone likes a challenge - they like to feel they're working towards something, something they can't get easily. So maybe in future you should be a bit more subtle with your feelings. It's sad, but I think that's just the way it goes sometimes.

 

As for everything seemed so perfect - I know exactly what you mean. Me and this girl were just so compatible. We could just chat for hours about nothing. Even when others saw us out or met up with us, they thought we were a couple. Even recently when I've met her (and her fiance) it's always ended up with me and her laughing along as he's the total opposite of her. Even her sisters thought we were good together. It's like everything just wanted us to be together - all except one thing, her.

 

Finally, the only way you're going to stop those wounds being ripped open is to either ignore any contact he makes or tell him straight not to contact you anymore. I'm not looking forward to the next few weeks when she finds out I've deleted her as I know she'll be in touch, and things will be said (I don't know what, I'm trying not to think about it), but I do know that there's no chance of us ever getting back together so I do need to tell her to not contact me... that will be hard!