shawn923 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Im beginning to start full NC with my ex girlfriend, we go to the same college shes 20 im 22. And i was thinking about erasing her and her best friend from fb. So my question is should i? when? and what to say WHEN she asks why i erased her? keep in mind my NC goal is reconciliation... im just no longer naive to think itll happen overnight, if at all
smudge21 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I've just done the whole deleting from FB thing and I do feel bad about it but deep down I know it's the right thing, as every day I was seeing updates about her life, and last night it was all about her wedding... that hit me hard. So I guess my question to you is, could you handle seeing a similar update on her page one day?
joshextreme Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 same with me and my ex i couldnt stand to see her updates cause it hurt so much so i blocked her and actually i feel kinda better.
Author shawn923 Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 No theres no way i would be able to handle her even in a relationship with somebody else... or even in a picture for that matter. so i guess im taking a huge step by deleting her. i just need to know when and what to say when she asks...
MissVegas Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 FYI i was deleted by my ex and he deleted all my friends on his list. I found it to be very malicious and hurtful like saying a big F you to go through his list and specifically find out people to delete. My friends were never rude to him so why delete them? I treated him like gold. So why delete me?.. It just left a really bitter taste in my mouth and it's a really strong message to send
smudge21 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I think if you're the dumper, it's harsh to delete the dumpee and all their friends. Much better if the dumpee does the deleting. But either way, it's something that should be done. I'm now asking the same questions as to when the ex will get in touch and ask why I've deleted her. We were getting along as friends quite well but there's no way I could keep reading about her wedding plans on there. That really put me in a bad place last night (still there now). I guess when/if she does ask, it'll be my chance to put the record straight and tell her exactly how I've felt about her. It's a hard thing though, as it's really your last connection to them and it's a final goodbye... something I never wanted to say to this girl.
Author shawn923 Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 I am the one who got dumped... and begged n cried for her back.
PegNosePete Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 keep in mind my NC goal is reconciliation Then you need to set a new goal. NC is to help you heal from the pain. It's not a cheap trick to get someone back.
Rellek Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I will say that as the dumpee I blocked my ex and deleted some of her friends that post pictures of them partying together. It has helped TREMENDOUSLY! I SERIOUSLY suggest it. When your ex asks why... don't respond. They know WHY! They just want to elicit a response from you and keep you hanging... DON'T LET THEM!
Good Arms Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I think if you're the dumper, it's harsh to delete the dumpee and all their friends. Much better if the dumpee does the deleting. But either way, it's something that should be done. Totally agree. I don't think a dumper has any right to feel hurt by a dumpee defriending, but the other way around (dumper defriending the dumpee & their friends) is cruel. It's a hard thing though, as it's really your last connection to them and it's a final goodbye... something I never wanted to say to this girl. Again, I felt exactly the same, that it was the last connection to someone who in 2 months became the most important person in my life (family aside, they are important in a different kind of way). But just think, only a few years ago these 'connections' on the internet didn't exist at all. They're kind of a false way of holding onto some idea of friendship, and if you're the dumpee, you have to delete/block for your own good. Also do everything you can to avoid seeing stuff about them on others' pages too - remove any temptation to snoop. Even if it means blocking your ex's friends that aren't even on your friends list. I know things are more difficult when mutual friends are involved, who you don't want to offend.
Author shawn923 Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Ok... Now what do I say when she asks?? Let's say she calls a day after I delete her. Says hi, what's up, why did u erase me off fb? What do I say? Am I just suppose to stay quiet on the phone lol? And if I don't pick up, it'll seem like I'm ignoring her... So what I say? If she sends a message or txt about it then obviously it can be ignored. But a phone call, I'm gonna need to know what to say. And my goal will ALWAYS be reconciliation with this girl. BUT it's the simple fact that I've literally tried everything to get her back already. I've made every mistake already. The only thing I haven't tried is total NC... So hopefully down the line (weeks, months) it'll make her start to miss me and come back. If not, then hopefully I'll be recovered by that time and ready to date anew again... Does this sound right? Lol I'm a rookie at this NC thing lol
Author shawn923 Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 And as for the "closure" I was thinking bout puttin a stat that said "if u luv something set it free. If it comes back, then it was meant to be." and keep it up there overnight so she'll have a chance to see it. I know she's nosey and she'll look... So basically this IS what im doing. Is this good or bad? Or nothin at all?
Rose T Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Pegnose Pete is right about NC being for the healing, but even if you are trying to get her back with it, you need to be tougher. Don't pick up if she calls. Yes, you are ignoring her, that's what NC is about. The only kind of status update you should be putting if you want her to see it is something upbeat, positive and completely irrelevant to your relationship. If you haven't moved on yet, fake it til you make it. Really. Anything 'cute' that you put now will make you look weak. Go NC and mean it.
EmperorR Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Delete You don't want to see when she's in a new relationship with fits or adding a bunch of guys to her page.
Author shawn923 Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Pegnose Pete is right about NC being for the healing, but even if you are trying to get her back with it, you need to be tougher. Don't pick up if she calls. Yes, you are ignoring her, that's what NC is about. The only kind of status update you should be putting if you want her to see it is something upbeat, positive and completely irrelevant to your relationship. If you haven't moved on yet, fake it til you make it. Really. Anything 'cute' that you put now will make you look weak. Go NC and mean it. I understand... K i think im ready to do this. Im gonna put up a upbeat status about my basketball game tonight. Oh and my ex from BEFORE her just wrote on my wall, so im gonna act ESPECIALLY upbeat to talk to her... then ill erase her sometime tonight... also, i know you said to ignore her when she asks, so if i was trying to get her back with it i would have to be tougher... so when exactly do i lift nc? how long should it take? or how much do i ignore her? i thought ignoring her would make her my enemy, and leave no chance of her ever coming back... and one more thing, do i just leave that last convo AS our last convo? just start NC right now out the blue? Lol i need like a step by step blueprint on how to handle my situation... cuz i also see her randomly at school. what to say/do when she sees me? or says hi? uggggh i have soooo many questions and i wanna make sure i handle this the RIGHT way so that in the future we still might have a 2nd chance. keep in mind were in COLLEGE, under 22 yrs old. no kids no marriage no divorce. nothing that major... and the cause of the breakup was my lack of trust for her.
Author shawn923 Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 *none of us ever cheated or hit her... or anything major like i said. its simply a bad personality trait that i gotta work on. thats why i think a second chance should be easier to obtain for me, but we'll see. SO any advice on my many questions??
PegNosePete Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 so when exactly do i lift nc? Never. (10 chars)
Rose T Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 There are no right or wrong answers, but if you want to give NC a real go, try and give it a month. That will give you huge perspective about the relationship - you might even find you don't want her back. In the meantime, try and meet new people and try not to think about her. You don't have to announce that you're going NC, but if she is very persistent and keeps asking why you're not talking to her, you can gently explain that you think you both need some space and leave it at that. That's the one message you're allowed for the next month though...lol If you can manage that you will not only have got all your dignity and respect back but you might also discover that another girl is even better for you in the meantime. It's a win-win situation.
Author shawn923 Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 There are no right or wrong answers, but if you want to give NC a real go, try and give it a month. That will give you huge perspective about the relationship - you might even find you don't want her back. In the meantime, try and meet new people and try not to think about her. You don't have to announce that you're going NC, but if she is very persistent and keeps asking why you're not talking to her, you can gently explain that you think you both need some space and leave it at that. That's the one message you're allowed for the next month though...lol If you can manage that you will not only have got all your dignity and respect back but you might also discover that another girl is even better for you in the meantime. It's a win-win situation. Thanx. Im gonna try that. I like hearing that its a win-win situation... And u also answered my questions on what to say! and how to go about it... @pegnosepete however... do you see the difference? all u did was say "never lift nc".... now why would i listen to that? c'mon now be real... Rose T just gave me a REASON to go NC, and what to expect, and what to say... Perfect advice. U need to take advice on how to give advice!!
PegNosePete Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Just trying to help you buddy. It up to you what you do with the advice you are given on here. But you seem to be under the impression that NC is a trick to get your ex back. You are going to be sadly disappointed, and in a month's time you will be back here saying it hasn't worked what should I do next. When I say "never" I don't mean you should never talk to her ever again. I mean, you should be prepared to never talk again if that is what it takes. The NC should be indefinite length. When a time comes that you don't want to talk to her again, that is when you are over her, and you can break NC. Doing it for a month (or any other fixed length) is just prolonging the agony and preventing you from moving on.
Rose T Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Just trying to help you buddy. It up to you what you do with the advice you are given on here. But you seem to be under the impression that NC is a trick to get your ex back. You are going to be sadly disappointed, and in a month's time you will be back here saying it hasn't worked what should I do next. When I say "never" I don't mean you should never talk to her ever again. I mean, you should be prepared to never talk again if that is what it takes. The NC should be indefinite length. When a time comes that you don't want to talk to her again, that is when you are over her, and you can break NC. Doing it for a month (or any other fixed length) is just prolonging the agony and preventing you from moving on. Pete is giving you great advice. I'm suggesting a month to give you a goal, as forever can sound like a tough target, but the idea's the same. Hopefully in a month you'll have enough perspective to want to not contact her any more. Good luck.
Author shawn923 Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Pete is giving you great advice. I'm suggesting a month to give you a goal, as forever can sound like a tough target, but the idea's the same. Hopefully in a month you'll have enough perspective to want to not contact her any more. Good luck. I know i know... its just a hard concept to grasp. because at the end of the day, she coming back to me is what i want deep deep down inside... so basically "NC" means to fake that your totally over her... until YOU GET totally over her...? THEN after we both had time to clear our heads, if she comes back TO ME cool? if not, then it wasnt real love... CORRECT??? because women want what they CANT have. its stupid but ive heard it plenty of times and experienced it plenty of times to know it to be true...
Rose T Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 so basically "NC" means to fake that your totally over her... until YOU GET totally over her...? THEN after we both had time to clear our heads, if she comes back TO ME cool? if not, then it wasnt real love... CORRECT??? :bunny: YES!!!! Yee-haa!! you got it ...because women want what they CANT have. its stupid but ive heard it plenty of times and experienced it plenty of times to know it to be true... Oh boy, men too... don't you remember how much fun is in the chase? :bunny:
Author shawn923 Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 im goin to bookmark this page and look at it whenever i get the urge to look at her fb page
Author shawn923 Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 whew... i just erased her and her best friend off my fb... i feel sad now whats wrong.....?
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