Eddie Edirol Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 (edited) 1.) She basically said that she wants to be single right now, and that was always the case, not that she wasn't happy with me. 2.) I just don't understand how the need for independence can overrule the feeling of being in a loving relationship, but then again i haven't been in her position. She kept assuring me it had nothing to do with me, which i really want to believe. She's extremely truthful and kind hearted and i don't think she'd lie to me about this. She isn't the kind to play games or try and cover things up, or lead me on. 3.) The fact that i gave it my all telling her this, the fact that our relationship was so solid and the fact that she sees this aswell and denies it being about me makes me believe her, but I'm torn between believing her and just writing it off as GIGS. She asked me if there was a part of me that wanted to be single and i said of course, an extremely insignificant part, 4.) I hate this feeling so much, it's like rejection even though i didn't ask her for anything. She still wants to see me, but i just don't know how to act around her. I told her i can't just be friends with her, but maybe in this situation it's the best thing? What do i do People change once they break up with you bro. They dont tell the truth because they dont want to deal with the possible consequences. 1.) She wasnt happy with you, but she wont tell you why for some reason. She knows why, but doesnt care enough about you to tell you the real reason. We already know it might have started back with the sex problem. But she is totally gone, and doesnt even care enough to give you the real reason. m,any people think her emotions are all over the place and she is unsure what to do, no shes not. She knows what she wants, shes known for a while, and her emotions arent affected by you anymore because she checked out long ago. She just didnt tell you that she checked out, but you noticed. 2.) the need for independence doesnt overrule the feeling of a meaningful relationship. But if you dont have that feeling of a meaning ful relationship, which to her, it wasnt meaningful anymore, you would rather be single. She checked out of your relationship waay before giving you the signs, you have to figure out what those signs were for the past few months. Like I said, people change during breakups, and they lie to get out of explanations. If the problem was her, she would give you a reason that made sense. Problem is she cant come up with a reason that makes sense, and she doesnt care enough to, so she just says she needs to be free, and it has nothing to do with you. its bullshyt. Its something you did that turned her off long ago, and she doesnt care about you now, so she doesnt want to invest in explaining it to you. its so common around here its cowardly and sickening. 3.) if she is ASKING you if you would rather be single, (meaning away from her to make it easier) that is a sign that is could be gigs, or worse of she just needed to get away from you. When you are tired of someone for so many months, you just want out, there doesnt have to be someone else in the picture all the time. So this relationship wasnt as solid as you think it was, because she was checking out for a while and you didnt notice. You have to be very astute about these things. 4.) No you cant be friends with her, especially in this situation. It will just keep you hoping, and will make her feel awkward and sorry for you. You dont want her pitying you. if you are in the same social circle, you have to act as if you do not care about this situation. She wont come back to you, so you have to really write this off. its worse when something you did turned her off and you dont know what it is, because she will always think of that when she sees you. So now you have to go about your life as if she didnt exist. When people ask, you just simply say "eh, it didnt work out, what canya do..." To be honest with you, I wouldnt acknowledge someone who didnt have the guts to tell me what turned them off about me. Bieng friends with that is insulting really. You party like you have no feeling for her at all, klike you never needed her. Have fun, she will see it, and she will want to talk to you, and you blow her off like youre too busy. You do not engage her. Dont tell her what youve been up to or anything. You already know what to do. Nothing you can do will make her come back to you, women dont move backwards like that when they dump you. Remember she didnt leave you because you treated her wrong, she left because she lost feelings and didnt give you a chance to fix the problem. She knew she gave up on you long ago. If she left you and told you to treat her right or shes leaving, then youd have a chance. Edited March 25, 2011 by Eddie Edirol
Author hunk Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 I appreciate the advice Eddie. I think it's a bit full on making deadline rulings like she's not coming back and that she's totally gone and tired of me though. You've gotta understand the relationship we had. I can't stress enough the connection we have, it's like we share a brain. Everything was effortless and that's how we both liked it. There's literally no reason why she wouldn't give me the "real" reason, she knows that i'd be hurt, but she knows that it'd be more important to tell me the truth than to spare my feelings. She doesn't think like that. She's straightforward and sees things for what they are, and i know this because i was extremely close to her. I honestly believe she needs this for herself. Time will tell if it's GIGS or not. I know nothing "repulsed" her about me or turned her off. We basically have the same brain and think about everything in the exact same way. We have identical unique senses of humour. We're both attractive. I'm a down to earth person and i would be able to tell if something about me was pissing her off. The fact she said "i don't know why it has to be a bad thing" proves to me that she's not "sick" of me or anything, and she's seeing it for what it is - a positive, necessary time for her to be single and experience that. By saying "it's not like we're getting married" shows me that there was no "perfect" time for her to do this, she had to do it at some point, and perhaps she capitalized on a period in our relationship where she wasn't feeling like i was completely attached to her and where the chemistry was dying, which would've made it an easier decision for her. Either way, this had to happen at some point in her life. I truly believe she was just over the entire concept of being in a relationship. She's not leaving the relationship because she thinks she can do better. I know this and i believe her when she tells me it's got nothing to do with our relationship or me, because i literally have no reason not to believe her. Of course if i hadn't tuned out then i believe things might be different, but i see this as something inevitable and important. It's not like we don't have chemistry, it's just it began to die when i started becoming complacent. I wish i could take this back, and i told her that, but she's ready to get on with this part of her life. I've come to the conclusion that she hasn't shown much emotion because she's seeing it as a good thing. She knows neither of us are going anywhere and it's not like we'll never see eachother, she knows this is something she has to do. She's not the type to have the mindset of "that was ****, onto the next". She's entering this stage of her life, and MissBennett's right, it's a stage she HAS to go through at some point. She can't grow as a person by always being in a relationship. I believe she thought of things as "where is this going, i'm too young to just be staying in a long term relationship without having experienced being single and depending on only myself". In my heart i believe this, this is her logic, and i believe she needs time. Of course, i could be completely wrong about all of this, and she is just genuinely over me and done with the idea of us. You might be completely right Eddie. I guess i'll never know. I wish i had the opportunity to just prove everything i said to her i mean with all my heart. If i'm really not the right guy for her, then i've got a completely warped perception of what a true match is. I'm just hoping this is genuinely what she needs to feel better about herself and relationships, and that she remembers i meant everything i said to her and the good times.
MissBennett Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 IfIKnew - as always filling in the bits I forgot! I'll second the stuff you said. I was walking to work this morning and I realised I'd forgotten to talk about the marriage question. doh! Yes, everyone needs direction in the relationship. always moving forward onwards into the future.... and probably particularly true for girls. Guys (and I apologise if this is grossly generalised statement) tend to be more happy to float along and take whatever comes...?? in my limited (quite limited) experience anyway. you have done the right thing by being forthcoming and honest and clearing up the misunderstandings 'hanging' between you. you cannot control what she does with that knowledge now. all you can control is you. and I think (personally) that there is great peace in that. Sorry Eddie, but I do tend to think cynicism can get a little carried away. what happened to innocent until proven guilty? yes, people can be awful sometimes. really cruel and deceitful and nasty. But this cannot be the general assumption otherwise where is your hope? Loveshack proves that there are a also a lot of good kind hearted people in the world too. as hunk said - maybe you will be proven right. maybe. but only then can you say 'I told you so'. Then you would have every right to be hurt and jaded and angry. Until then, it is unfair to assume that someones intentions aren't 'honorable'. It is the risk you run with being in relationship (any relationship) with people. Hunk - You've done a good job in processing all of this, and gaining a greater understanding of yourself and the world around you as a result. Even if nothing else has been good out of this, surely this has been some sort of a silver lining.... well I hope it has anyway.
Jerrica Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I honestly think there is only one thing TO do. That is MOVE ON, and go into NC. Don't live your life based on hope that she'll come back, because she might not so don't waste your time. You have to let her go, no contact, don't be friends. Now you have to do what's best for YOU, which is healing. Put yourself first, always! She knows how you feel, you said it all so the ball is in her court. She probably won't realize what she had until it's completely gone, this is usually how things workout no? You are lucky that there aren't any hard feelings or resentment. My boyfriend broke up with me, so I moved on and acted indifferent (LC, only contact pertaining to business, getting his stuff). This made him very jealous, and even though the breakup was not bad he is now acting very resentful and hasty towards me, leaving his stuff at my house because he somehow came to the conclusion I have a new boyfriend. So now he has turned into a very miserable and jealous person and it is not fun at all to deal with! So definitely appreciate that she is mature enough to be civil with you.
Timbo22 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I appreciate the advice Eddie. I think it's a bit full on making deadline rulings like she's not coming back and that she's totally gone and tired of me though. You've gotta understand the relationship we had. I can't stress enough the connection we have, it's like we share a brain. Everything was effortless and that's how we both liked it. There's literally no reason why she wouldn't give me the "real" reason, she knows that i'd be hurt, but she knows that it'd be more important to tell me the truth than to spare my feelings. She doesn't think like that. She's straightforward and sees things for what they are, and i know this because i was extremely close to her. I honestly believe she needs this for herself. Time will tell if it's GIGS or not. I know nothing "repulsed" her about me or turned her off. We basically have the same brain and think about everything in the exact same way. We have identical unique senses of humour. We're both attractive. I'm a down to earth person and i would be able to tell if something about me was pissing her off. The fact she said "i don't know why it has to be a bad thing" proves to me that she's not "sick" of me or anything, and she's seeing it for what it is - a positive, necessary time for her to be single and experience that. By saying "it's not like we're getting married" shows me that there was no "perfect" time for her to do this, she had to do it at some point, and perhaps she capitalized on a period in our relationship where she wasn't feeling like i was completely attached to her and where the chemistry was dying, which would've made it an easier decision for her. Either way, this had to happen at some point in her life. I truly believe she was just over the entire concept of being in a relationship. She's not leaving the relationship because she thinks she can do better. I know this and i believe her when she tells me it's got nothing to do with our relationship or me, because i literally have no reason not to believe her. Of course if i hadn't tuned out then i believe things might be different, but i see this as something inevitable and important. It's not like we don't have chemistry, it's just it began to die when i started becoming complacent. I wish i could take this back, and i told her that, but she's ready to get on with this part of her life. I've come to the conclusion that she hasn't shown much emotion because she's seeing it as a good thing. She knows neither of us are going anywhere and it's not like we'll never see eachother, she knows this is something she has to do. She's not the type to have the mindset of "that was ****, onto the next". She's entering this stage of her life, and MissBennett's right, it's a stage she HAS to go through at some point. She can't grow as a person by always being in a relationship. I believe she thought of things as "where is this going, i'm too young to just be staying in a long term relationship without having experienced being single and depending on only myself". In my heart i believe this, this is her logic, and i believe she needs time. Of course, i could be completely wrong about all of this, and she is just genuinely over me and done with the idea of us. You might be completely right Eddie. I guess i'll never know. I wish i had the opportunity to just prove everything i said to her i mean with all my heart. If i'm really not the right guy for her, then i've got a completely warped perception of what a true match is. I'm just hoping this is genuinely what she needs to feel better about herself and relationships, and that she remembers i meant everything i said to her and the good times. I'm currently going through the exact same thing, I know what you mean when you say its like you shared a brain... I had such a bond with her you cannot explain to anyone what it was like until you experience it. It was almost to good to be true that I took things for granted. The Good out-weighed that bad no doubt, and I truly thought she was the one and so did she. Then boom just like that I was blind-sided. Case of the gigs idk, I was with her for 3 1/2 years and she is now a soph in college. It is one of the best colleges in the nation and she needed to find herself and enjoy it. I did all the wrong things because i was so devastated, Only time will tell if she wakes up one day and realize how special are relationship was. I almost encourage her to date other people down the road so she can realize what she is missing. I know as far as look's and making her laugh no one is really going to come close... but that is nothing when you share a unique bond, which will hopefully make them wake up the most. All I can say is time will tell if they decide they made a huge mistake. I wish you luck man. I was blinded-sided 2 months ago, I never saw it coming. She needed space and lost herself.
Author hunk Posted March 27, 2011 Author Posted March 27, 2011 Thanks for the words guys. Timbo, it's a horrible feeling huh. Knowing that you might've lost them for good. Still hasn't hit me yet. I've been feeling pretty ****ty for the past few days. She looks like she's having so much fun and i just miss laughing with her and holding her so much. It would actually be easier if i never had to see her again. The fact i just can't avoid her is not good. She's invited me out to her birthday drinks on Wednesday. I don't know what to do. I really don't want to go, but if i don't show up it'll look like im being bitter. Her twin brother is one of my best friends aswell so i'd feel bad not going to see him. I don't know how this is gonna work if we're in the same friends group, honestly. She won't have a chance to miss me if i'm around. Just seems like she really isn't bothered by this whatsoever and it makes me feel like ****.
Author hunk Posted March 27, 2011 Author Posted March 27, 2011 After some browsing i feel alot better. Thinking about our situation i can safely say with little doubt it's GIGS. She's been in nothing but long term relationships since she was 16. She wants to go out and have fun, and was scared to stay with me because she didn't want commitment while not going through a stage of being single while she's young and seeing what's out there. She didn't see us going anywhere because she hadn't seen "the other side". She couldn't give me any solid answers, she kept saying she was confused and unsure about things, said she was losing feelings for me despite us having an amazing connection, said chemistry was dying even though we're both very attractive and sexual and we just got into a boring "slump", told me not to wait around, classic lines to make it easier to justify to herself dumping me. Straight up GIGS. If she were serious about a relationship she'd recognize the connection we had, the fact we're both young and good looking and in our physical prime, both effortlessly compatible, do nothing to piss eachother off, and are generally suited to eachother almost perfectly. She'd understand that things were just getting boring and i was getting complacent, that i knew this aswell, and she'd make a serious effort to show me i need to lift my game. The fact this didn't happen, the fact i put myself out there and told her EVERYTHING and admitted fault for what i thought was something that was completely my fault and she still turned it down affirms that she just wants to experience other guys with no strings attached. I honestly cannot think of any other explanation. I'm done, i've done all i can now. She can have her fun, and when she realizes the hollowness of sleeping around and partying she'll come crawling back, and by that time she'll just be another boring insecure pretty girl just like how i used to see her. That's life huh
Author hunk Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Bit of an update for anyone still interested. Her birthday was today. I sent her a text saying "happy birthday you xx" and she replied with "thankyouuuu are you coming for drinks tonight?" to which i saw late and couldn't be bothered replying to haha. Saw her tonight for drinks with everyone, went pretty well. She was quiet most of the night and didn't seem to be enjoying herself. I sat with her for a bit and just talked about what she did for her birthday, just light hearted stuff and had a few laughs while i made an idiot out of myself for not understanding something she said. She was looking at me like she used to. She said she was going to the bathroom and she'd be back. There's this girl that's been interested in me for ages and i've always had a thing for her, just physical attraction flirty type thing. She was there tonight, so i just got up and went over to talk with her. She was flirting with me like absolute ****, touching me and everything. Noticed ex was sitting with her friend opposite us occasionally looking at us and i could tell she was upset. I pretty much just socialized with different groups all night, had fun, had a few drinks and enjoyed the night and was just being my usual cheeky self. Ex was quiet and looked moody, and eventually left. I stayed for a while and just chilled with the other girl, she asked me back to her place but i said i had to leave (people would DEFINITELY find out, don't want to jeopardize anything with ex at the moment). Had the urge to text her but i know better, so i'm posting on LS instead ha. The whole thing's just doing my head in. I don't know what she wants. I've got the feeling she's never going to contact me, she's just too shy and insecure while i'm the opposite. Any contact that's been made has all been ME, i wished her happy birthday and i initiated conversation tonight. I can tell she wants to talk to me as well, as she seemed to brighten up when i started talking to her. I just don't think she's going to initiate anything, and i don't know whether it's because she's shy or she's just got no interest. So basically i don't know whether to go NC or LC.. If this was any other girl, i would straight up NC it and have absolutely nothing to do with her. But this girl is completely different, and i don't think i can just shut her out. Any thoughts?
Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 While some of us will suggest you to seek NC immediately for yourself to heal, there are also people who will suggest you to go ahead and exhaust all options to see if she will come back. Ultimately, everything lies in you, you will make your own decision. I won't know if she will come back to you or not, she may or she may not. Personally, I will suggest to go NC. Because to me this is the best outcome for any twist of situation. As much as I love my ex bf very much, I'm heading for NC to heal myself completely. Because it's tiring, truly mentally exhausting to be consistently thinking and wondering what your ex bf and ex bf is thinking and feeling. To me, a reconciliation is possible when both parties are willing to sit down together and work things out, discuss what went wrong in the relationship and seek solutions to rectify and be there for each other again.
Author hunk Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 You're right FuFu and i agree with you completely on reconciliations being a joint effort. I have no idea what she wants however. I don't know how she feels about me, i'm completely in the dark and i don't know whether to just blow it off completely or maintain something with her. I guess this is the way every dumpee who's still in love with their ex feels. I just wish i knew what she wanted and that she could give me a straight up explanation because i can't stop thinking about it. I know if i was in her position i would respect her enough to give her a complete explanation and tell her specifics because i know it would hurt so much more to just be left in the dark. Eddie's post is starting to make alot more sense to me now..
Fufu Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 (edited) hunk: It's definitely normal to feel this way, i believe all of us been through this stage before. For me, as long as they give up for REAL and not wanting to work things out, the reasons they don't want us no longer matter. For me, I'm more interested in working problems out, however if they don't want to, let them be. After all, we can't force them also. When my ex broke up with me, I hoped and wanted him to work things out with me, listen to each other feelings. He came back to me and said, yeah let's listen to each other feelings to have proper CLOSURE. However, as dumpees, you won't have true closure listening to them why they choose to let you go. True closure always come from yourself that you have to move on from this broken relationship. We do can move forward and be happier for ourselves. Edited March 31, 2011 by Fufu
FlorinP Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Plz help me : http://helpmegetmarried.blogspot.com/
MissBennett Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Hey there, was wondering when the next update would be! good on you for sending the happy bday message Dont panic. If there is anything I have learned in relationships, some things just take time. Im not saying this means she will eventually make a move in your favour. but remember it wasnt that long ago that you laid everything out on the table. Remember she's still digesting (hence the folorn looks). Patience Patience Patience. I wouldnt write her off for a few weeks. you did the right thing (so long as you didnt rub the flirting in her face...which I dont think you would've). you came, you saw, you conquered (by holding it together) you went to her bday drinks, you greeted her and chatted with her and laughed (maybe?) with her. and you did this first (it was HER birthday after all) and then you moved on and chatted with other people etc etc. and it sounds like you had an alright time. you did the right thing by not texting her. you also did the right thing by not going home with that girl (phew! ha ha, you almost had me worried) I only say that because it wouldve all been too soon, so fast and your heart wouldnt've been in it. I worry that it wouldve been out of emotional turmoil than anything else (and I think you'd probably agree...?) to sum up - you conquered!!! yay!!! so celebrate the win! she's probably trying to figure it out herself. she probably has no answers to give you because she doesnt know. Now that's not your problem. you sat down and figured you out. she needs to do the same. remember also - still loving her does not make you the 'weaker' person. there are almost negative connotations from so many on here about not being able to 'get over' your love for someone. while we can all agree that it's unhealthy to hold on excessively to a lost relationship, love is not something you can simply stop. to do so would be unnatural and inhuman I think. and causes a lot of anxiety when trying to force ourselves to fall out of love takes our focus. So - dont let it take away from how you feel about you (dont know if this is an issue or not for you) so all that aside, you're struggling with the thoughts in your head. it will probably go like this for a while. dont know if this will help but try reminding yourself of all the points you made in your letter/discussion the other night. reinforce them to yourself. and get stuck into a project. what have you chosen for this week???
Author hunk Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Thanks for that MissBennett. Yeah i definitely do still love her, and i always will. I've got no reason to resent her or be mad at her whatsoever. It feels so wrong being apart from her, but it's the same story with any breakup i guess. I think i'm going to throw in the towel now and just get on with everything. I've wasted enough time thinking about her when i probably haven't entered her head once. It's time for me to just see it for what it is, that she's lost feelings for me and she doesn't want a relationship with me. That's it, there's nothing more to it. Over analyzing things will get me nowhere, what-ifs will get me nowhere, neither will playing games. People don't just reverse their feelings, she's felt like this for a while and has been able to detach herself from me completely. It's time to just get on with it and let it go, because i'm almost positive that's what she's done. Life goes on and is too short for this bull****. I've began to see this forum as somewhat depressing, not meaning any disrespect whatsoever, it's just now, to me, a place of false hope and desperation from people in denial about their relationships being over and i guess my early posts reflect this perfectly, ha. Anyway thanks for your help anyone who's contributed here, especially MissBennett, IfiKnew and Eddie you guys are awesome. If anything significant happens i'll be sure to update. cheers
IfiKnewThen Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 hi hank. i went through that stage of not wanting to come here thinking it is depressing..etc. i also saw it as a reminder of what i was going through and thought it was keeping me attached and stuck. but all i needed to do was step back..get a way from the forum a bit and lo and behold i was able to come back and not feel bad and appreciate it in a whole new light. the person who hurt me was upsetting to me, and what had happened, or i made occur. not the forum . and instead i use it as a tool in recovery and dont see it as a link to pain. stepping back makes us see so many things in a new way once we ...well step back. but you have to do what you have to do to get out of the thoughts or synonym for a while. and when you step back , you then can return even stronger. anyway, i hope i am not confusing you. lol. just something i noticed in myself and youre very welcome. we are all here for each other. and by the way i love your advise msbennet. i may write to you someday . well you have a way of putting things and have great compassion for others with the way you communicate. anyway, i understand the need to face what you see in front of you. its not a bad thing to give up hope on something so you can accept and now begin to mend more and get into something else. that's a good thing for sure. i agree that you stood tall and conquered. and you didnt compromise your values and throw her under a bus and in front of her, to boot. this only serves to make you grow and be a better person and man for the future. self discipline is so important. and not the kind of self discipline that is all puffed up with pride and cold and insensitive, but the kind that is refined and well mannered. so kudos to you. come back and us keep in touch.
Author hunk Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 Well, here we are. She texted me tonight after nearly 2 months. "Feels weird not talking to you.. how've you been? x" I haven't replied. What do i do? Pretty certain it's crumbs but i can't be sure. Definitely need advice from you guys before i do anything. I don't want to come off immature by not replying but i don't want just fruitless small talk. Goddamn it LS. I wish there was a book on this ****
Author hunk Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 oh well too late now i wrote back haha. i don't believe she deserves to be ignored because she's never done any wrong by me. i believe a messy and dysfunctional relationship and breakup warrants COMPLETE NC, not a normal amicable split. just told her some stuff i was up to and joked around asked her how she was. We'll see what happens eh.
Eddie Edirol Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 They were crumbs, you werent supposed to answer. Even if you answered you werent supposed to update her on what you were up to. Damn. I tried to tell you she deserves to be ignored, because the split wasnt amicable, she lied to you in multiple ways throughout your relationship. Dont take any more of her crumbs!
Author hunk Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 hahaha dammit eddie i knew you'd put me in my place. yeah i see what you mean. oh well, cant see what harm one reply will do.. she'd see right through me not replying anyway. you're right though, next message will probably just be her telling me how she's been and then that's it. i won't hear from her. why couldn't i have waited for you to post that before i replied haha
radiodarcy Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 hahaha dammit eddie i knew you'd put me in my place. yeah i see what you mean. oh well, cant see what harm one reply will do.. she'd see right through me not replying anyway. you're right though, next message will probably just be her telling me how she's been and then that's it. i won't hear from her. why couldn't i have waited for you to post that before i replied haha it happens. against my better judgment i logged into IM and sure enough he hit me up asking me how i was. so i just said "i'm doing good thanks. u?" he said "good" and i said "good" and that was it. i can't bring myself to ignore him or delete him off my list so i simply don't log in anymore. it's hard not to. that was the last line of communication i had with him. but it gets easier as time goes by.
IfiKnewThen Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 hey hank how are you? just saw this new update. don't sweat it . i don't think you did anything wrong. if anything, she will see you in a better light in my opinion. i do think she misses you. i dont know if she wants to go back or not. no one really knows that for certain. but overall, i really believe she didn't expect you to act the way you did after the break up. that you were able to go to her party (or that get together)....that you were able to be real and talk about your feelings about things....and not blame her....and that you didn't contact her after all this time or initiate anything...and that you contacted her back now by text only because you were being polite, that you didn't come undone and act all weird. all of this makes you look better in my opinion. you don't sound out of control, you sound "in control". i don't think in any way shape or form she will feel she scored points here. there is absolutely NO REASON WHATSOEVER FOR HER TO FEEL LIKE THAT. i don't think shes that immature. i think it makes you look better. that does not say she will act on this new outlook of you. but what it says to me is.......... don't sweat it!!! : ) so far you havent done anything "bad". trust that. as long as you feel you have not been set back and such, in any major way. you did nothing to harm any chances between you...or to harm yourself. only you can tell us if you are ok. if you are ok. dont worry about it. no big deal.
Author hunk Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 Thanks IfiKnew, i was able to sleep on it and i feel like i've done the right thing now. She hasn't written back yet cos i sent the reply at about 1am last night and it's 10 in the morning now, she's at work. When/if she does respond, should i just leave it? I don't really want a conversation to start unless her intentions are clear cut. Really have no desire for small talk at all..
Scorpio6913 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Thanks IfiKnew, i was able to sleep on it and i feel like i've done the right thing now. She hasn't written back yet cos i sent the reply at about 1am last night and it's 10 in the morning now, she's at work. When/if she does respond, should i just leave it? I don't really want a conversation to start unless her intentions are clear cut. Really have no desire for small talk at all.. Unfortunately Man, I think you should just leave it & continue to leave it. Until she comes to you with talk of reconciliation, you are just stroking her ego by replying to her. She feels better about herself & dumping you knowing that you will always be at her beck & call. It helps her get over you, while you are stuck wondering "Does she want me back?".. Can you please tell me what GIGS means??
Author hunk Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 GIGS = Grass Is Greener Syndrome Basically, dumper feels like there's more out there and they end the relationship to find "greener pastures" . Search it on google and there's tonnes on it. Messages went like this Her : "It feels weird not talking to you.. how have you been? x" Me : "Heyy, yeah kind of feels weird hey. I've been fine, keeping busy. Got some new work and been surfing every day. Exams next week too. WBU, how're the pensioners treating you?" (she works in a chemist) Hopefully this came off alright. I'm used to telling her everything so it's gonna be hard being short/not replying from now on.. but we're not together anymore so i shouldn't be treating it like we are. At the end of the day i don't give a ****, i'm not trying to be someone i'm not, if she wants to be with me it shouldnt take mind games. It's amazing the range of emotions you go through. Just last week i couldn't get her out of my head, and now i really couldn't care less and see her as kind of weak. It's a good feeling knowing either way you're completely fine.
Scorpio6913 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 GIGS = Grass Is Greener Syndrome Basically, dumper feels like there's more out there and they end the relationship to find "greener pastures" . Search it on google and there's tonnes on it. Messages went like this Her : "It feels weird not talking to you.. how have you been? x" Me : "Heyy, yeah kind of feels weird hey. I've been fine, keeping busy. Got some new work and been surfing every day. Exams next week too. WBU, how're the pensioners treating you?" (she works in a chemist) Hopefully this came off alright. I'm used to telling her everything so it's gonna be hard being short/not replying from now on.. but we're not together anymore so i shouldn't be treating it like we are. At the end of the day i don't give a ****, i'm not trying to be someone i'm not, if she wants to be with me it shouldnt take mind games. It's amazing the range of emotions you go through. Just last week i couldn't get her out of my head, and now i really couldn't care less and see her as kind of weak. It's a good feeling knowing either way you're completely fine. You know what Man, try reading my thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t270633/ I'm like twice your age, but we still run into this BS with women. You'll one day get what I'm saying now, "Let her go, she doesn't deserve you"..
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