O'Malley Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 (edited) I know people are saying that when she declined his offer to go over to his house, that he probably perceived it as "not interested", but any self-respecting man would understand that it was an inappropriate suggestion so early on. And from what I understand, they had plans for that evening, and he tried to bypass it by inviting her over instead. Plus, him calling her while he was drunk, the day before their first date? All of this, does not make for a good impression overall. Being too intoxicated to meet up for the initial date, then attempting to change the second date venue to his home, doesn't sound like he's invested in anything much more than a booty call. It's a waste of your time even contacting this guy again. Edited March 15, 2011 by O'Malley
Author SmileFace Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Thanks for all the replies everyone. I sent him a message last night/midmorning and today around lunch. Just asking what happened with our plans. He hasn't responded. Oh well, we probably were not looking for the same thing. I am not mad if he was just looking for a BC, but that isn't what I am looking for so it doesn't hurt to find that out early. Way before I get invested.
phillyfan Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Ok, I am being a hard ass because I probably don't want to deal with getting hurt. I went into this thinking it was going to go anywhere and guess what? It can be so much things - I know he spent a ton of money today fixing his car and probably didn't have any to spend on something like the movies. However, I am not a mind reader. I really don't even know who canceled on who. It is easy for me to assume he just wants sex. I can't to call him a jerk and leave scott free. Then again it can be just what I think it is. However if you didn't get a kiss on the first date - I don't think someone will really expect much on a second date. The sad thing I wouldn't have mind a day in but it is too early for that. I learned that here right? Dude you spent ur first date SITTING IN A CAR. Enuf said, the dude is a loser
Author SmileFace Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Dude you spent ur first date SITTING IN A CAR. Enuf said, the dude is a loser Haha, no after the date technically we spent time in the car... lol
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 You did the right thing and he doesn't deserve your time. If he gave any thought to your needs and feelings he wouldn't suggest an at-home movie date. He is asking you to trust a virtual stranger in his own home and space. It's not a safe or appropriate way to get to know someone on the 2nd encounter. good lord, this is exactly why I trained myself to stop taking crap from women... no, smileface doesn't have cause to tell this guy off... he didn't even do anything. look, you think men can read minds, well guess what, we can't! nor should we explain such an obvious concept to any woman we're seeing more than once. as OP mentioned, she's so damn trigger happy because she's afraid of being hurt and would much prefer beating him to the punch (i.e. disappearing). as cliche as it sounds, just say what you mean... good lord. if you want to get together, call him and say so. if you're displeased with how he's prioritized you so far then you should be the one back off completely or TELL HIM (not tell him off w/o cause) what you'd like. I hope the men watching this post have your eyes open. don't take this crap. you don't need to.
Imajerk17 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I agree w/ ConflictedGuy. Let me see if this is right here: 1) You had plans. 2) The guy suggested something you're not comfortable with (and rightfully so IMO). As he doesn't mention your previous mutually-agreed upon plans, you have no idea what is up. 3) You send a bunch of confusing texts trying to stay one step ahead of him. 4) Neither of you knows where the other stands. This could all be avoided with a phone call or text: "So when are we going to get together again?" Or further back, when he asked you to come over, you could have just texted him back "I thought we had plans already..." Say what you mean, mean what you say.
Imajerk17 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 While we are on the topic, SmileFace, from reading your thread it looks like there are A FEW red flags concerning this guy. Yet you seem to be ignoring them...
Author SmileFace Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 (edited) I feel conflicted now....lol Edited March 15, 2011 by SmileFace
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I feel conflicted now....lol I feel you too, honey.
Nexus One Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 no, smileface doesn't have cause to tell this guy off... he didn't even do anything. Yes he did. Instead of getting together with SmileFace on Saturday he got himself drunk. Then he tries to override their original plans, which doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing in itself, but he wanted her to come to his house on the second date. Unless this guy is really clueless, which IS possible, this is kind of fast. Additionally he disregarded their original plans altogether, but again it's possible he interpreted the rejection of his alternative plan as a rejection of himself. The only thing that one can be sure about here is that he got drunk. In my opinion quality guys do not get themselves drunk on a day when they're supposed to go on a date with a girl. I don't think holidays are excuses to get drunk, not even Irish holidays. In my opinion quality boyfriend material gets drunk very very rarely if ever. There's no class in getting sh*t-faced.
heartshaped Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 The only thing that one can be sure about here is that he got drunk. In my opinion quality guys do not get themselves drunk on a day when they're supposed to go on a date with a girl. I don't think holidays are excuses to get drunk, not even Irish holidays. In my opinion quality boyfriend material gets drunk very very rarely if ever. There's no class in getting sh*t-faced. Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't their original plans for Sunday and he got drunk on Saturday? She confirmed with him for Sunday on Saturday and he mentioned he was drunk, but their plans were never for Saturday in my understanding. I agree that getting drunk isn't what I would consider 'boyfriend material' either, but then again, my opinion might be different than some because I don't drink.
Nexus One Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 (edited) Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't their original plans for Sunday and he got drunk on Saturday? She confirmed with him for Sunday on Saturday and he mentioned he was drunk, but their plans were never for Saturday in my understanding. I agree that getting drunk isn't what I would consider 'boyfriend material' either, but then again, my opinion might be different than some because I don't drink. From the original post: 1. So later that night he say we should meet up Saturday 2. On Saturday he gets drunk. Granted though, their plans for Saturday might not have been as solid as those for Sunday. Anyways, either way the drunk thing still stands. He wasn't the only one getting drunk though. Lots of people/students got drunk that day: http://bit.ly/hxLtpS Edited March 15, 2011 by Nexus One
Author SmileFace Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 (edited) From the original post: 1. So later that night he say we should meet up Saturday 2. On Saturday he gets drunk. Granted though, their plans for Saturday might not have been as solid as those for Sunday. Anyways, either way the drunk thing still stands. He wasn't the only one getting drunk though. Lots of people/students got drunk that day: http://bit.ly/hxLtpS You are both correct. The original plans was for Sunday but he did mention we should just meet Saturday. However, we never set anything for that day. I was busy and told him he should go enjoy his time with his friends. He didn't get drunk and cancel any plans. However, he did get drunk and told me. The only reason I even mentioned the drunk post was because I had guys take this approach before. "Oh I am drunk" - "your so hot" - " we should hang out".... next day " sorry I was drunk" . Plus I am not even at age to drink and have been only remotely drunk once in my life in the presence of family so I don't connect with the drunk thing. Edited March 15, 2011 by SmileFace
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 look, you all are really splitting hairs here... what the guy chose to do with his Saturday night doesn't really matter much. OP asked for a sanity check as to whether she had cause to tell this guy off. I said no and I stick with that. If a chick pulled on me what this guy did to her, I wouldn't tell her off... matter of fact, I wouldn't tell her anything because I don't take that kind of crap from women. we'd be done - instant NC. clearly he had something better to do, so case closed; move on. that's all I'm saying. OP, if you want to tell someone off, save that soapbox speech for the guy that calls you something derogatory, or otherwise shows some malicious intent. you don't go off on a guy for failing to live up to some arbitrary set of expectations or set of standards that (i) you created, not him; and (ii) he has never demonstrated he could even live up to. appropriate action is to cut him lose without explanation; obviously... but that's above and beyond the sanity check you asked for.
Author SmileFace Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 (edited) Conflicted please reread my original post. I have no intention of telling him off. The point of the thread was to see peoples opinions on the matter of telling him off - as you said. Like I said in the OP, I am not changing my mind he will not be hearing a soapbox speech from me. Yes, you bring up some great points about saying what I mean. Here you said you would have written off a female for doing this - which I did. I tried to clear up the miscommunication by asking him what happened with the original plans, which I should have done from the beginning. He still hasn't got back to me even after I contacted. Which is fine. I am done - I have no reason to contact him and I won't be. Like you said, clearly he had something better to do - closed case. What arbitrary expectations did I have? That I don't want to go to his house on a second date? If you are going to change plans, at least be considerate enough to let me know in advance? These are common sense.... shrugs Edited March 15, 2011 by SmileFace
OliveOyl Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I was going to post something asking why you wouldn't kiss him after 3 hours of chatting in the car... but then I see you are pretty young (not drinking age yet?) so that makes things more understandable. If I had been in your situation, when he asked if you wanted to come over to his house, I would have simply asked/texted back "But I thought we were going to the movies... don't you still want to do that?". Just real direct and out there. I don't think there was any reason to tell him off. He didn't really do anything wrong. But it does sound like there was a communication mixup, and you two probably weren't on the same page.
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